Not sure what to do

[Navy_Beb]

This is my situation, I’ll make it as brief as I can. I started talking to a navy man back in March. We met through a mutual friend, his mom! She introduced us virtually . From then on, we spoke daily and even met in person (he was stationed in another state). That weekend with him was perfect! We both agreed it felt right for us with no awkwardness.

He asked me to be his gf. He was then to come to my state for a vacation but plans got ruined per military orders. He got stationed somewhere new and deployed not long after. Before he deployed he became withdrawn and was super worried of course. I reassured him that I respected his choices etc. He wanted me to consider myself taken for at least 6 months anything after would be too selfish of him to ask me to wait he said. We agreed to disagree because I felt like I could wait endlessly, yet he felt it would be a selfish thing to do on his end. He stated he missed me a lot and would be thinking of me.

Fast forward it’s been 6 months and I still email him and miss him terribly. Worst part is there’s NO COMMUNICATION! He can’t communicate with anyone given his task and location so it’s been a long six months. I spoke to his mom and mentioned the six months thing and she’s short worded about it, says you can’t ever be sure when they’re going to come home so six months may not even the the time frame and if it is she hasn’t said. However she keeps in touch with me off and on.

What I’m getting to is, he didn’t want me waiting beyond the six months but I can’t help but miss this person ! We spoke for months day and night plus we helped each other through major things in life . How do I cope with the time left over and not knowing when he’s coming home?! Is waiting on my end stupid? He seemed like he really cared for me but of course had duty to tend to and felt bad because he didn’t let me know when he was going to deploy more less that he would soon deploy not long after we met. What do I do ??

[Redheart14]

Tough situation to be in. Only you can really answer this question on how long you’re prepared to wait. Deep down you’ll know how long you’re willing to wait.

[Harlequin]

Military relationships can be super difficult. If you want to wait for him because you think he's worth it, then wait. If not, then there's nothing wrong with bowing out. He got withdrawn before deployment, because he was getting deployed and was trying to mentally prepare himself. I imagine he didn't really talk to you about his deployment, and his mom is short-worded about it because of OPSEC.
If you decide to stay, you need to be prepared to accept that the radio silence for the duration of his deployment is just how it's gonna be. There's also gonna be a lot of stuff you simply can't know about, and you have to be okay with that. The best way to deal with it is to keep yourself busy. Go out with friends, pick up a new hobby, talk to his mom, throw yourself into your work, etc. It's obviously okay to miss him and be worried about him, but you don't want to wallow in it. Keep living your life and doing your thing; that'll get you through it.

[Navy_Beb]

Thank you 🙏

[Navy_Beb]

He sounded super distraught before he left and I mean I can understand why . He has a child he left behind to deploy, on top of him worrying about my reactions etc. I let him know I understood his worry and priorities especially him being mentally prepared for his and his child’s wellbeing in the future.

It’s been six months since we last spoke and I imagine his mom not mentioning much because of OPSEC as you mentioned. Being that he’s the first military interest im sure she wants to be sure he’s safe and sound by not risking a newb blurting it out; even though I know the Do’s and donts as I have my own fam in the military. It just sucks that there was no specific time frame mentioned but I understand why now more so.

I keep busy with work and having a child of my own keeps me occupied . I guess it just took be by surprise emotionally because although it’s been more less an LDR , I don’t understand how I’ve become so attached to someone who’s further away verse someone I had previously been with for years.