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**Zephii** · June 9, 2012, 09:25 PM

Sub forums only went up in the last couple of hours. I was here thismoring and they didn't exist yet! Haha.

I should get my arse out of this sub forum really. Because I'm not a teen, I don't have parents and I don't really remember what it was like to have an authority figure that cared! >.> But I'm sure you'll get loads of answers soon.

Yay for subforums

**Yaaamiii** · June 9, 2012, 10:24 PM

I shouldn't be in this subforum either as I'm not a teen anymore xD But I saw the new subforums and was like whoa!!

Why is it that your mother is so against you two dating, if you don't mind my asking? Perhaps you can try approaching her in a mature and calm way, asking her to talk to you about it?

**DemonxOisin** · June 10, 2012, 03:51 AM

Originally posted by Yaaamiii View Post

Why is it that your mother is so against you two dating, if you don't mind my asking? Perhaps you can try approaching her in a mature and calm way, asking her to talk to you about it?

Old and experienced here

I second this. I realize that not all parents are reasonable, but just talk to her about it. Find out the reason WHY she is so against the two of you dating. Tell her about him, about what a lovely guy you think he is, and that you really like him. Help her to see the side of him that you see. Using my own parents as an example, I can honestly say that if I could properly rationalize something to them, and make them see why it was so important for me, they would let me carry on with it. She is just scared of you getting hurt I think, sweet heart. Let her know that her baby girl is growing up

**Xanahtas** · June 10, 2012, 04:18 AM

My SO's mum is very against me and has tried to stop contact between us and not let us see each other. I would try and sit down and talk to her and ask why she is against you being with your SO. See if you two can come to a compromise, and i second what DemonxOisin said

**Koneko** · June 10, 2012, 08:17 AM

My mom was very skeptical about my SO because he is three years older than me and she assumed that he could be a pedophile or some kind of creep... After a while she came around and she did a background check on him, and it worked out. Like Xanahtas and DemonxOisin said, try talking to your mother; explain to her how you feel and try to come with a compromise

I hope that it all works out!

**efish1042** · June 10, 2012, 08:34 AM

My dad is in the same boat with my relationship, but thankfully I have my mother to keep him straight. His hatred is almost entirely irrational and if I can ever ask him what his problem is, it never really makes sense. I think part of it may be the 'his little girl is growing up' sort of thing. He cant imagine that I would ever grow up, go to college, get married, have sex... you know, the things we are expected to do one day.
Maybe this is your mother's problem? Also, could it be she doesn't want you dating because of an age difference? Or she wants you to focus on something else and is afraid having an SO will take away from that?
Try to see if her problem is rational or irrational. The rational ones can often be reasoned with, but the irrational just have to be put up with and worked around.
Also, can't your SO just see you when he comes home on breaks and such? That is how things went for myself and my SO for a while, until his parents moved.

**angelrawr** · June 10, 2012, 02:10 PM

Thank you everyone! Also, I really don't mind if you're a bit older than teens, I'm sure your advices are very trustable!

So I think I should have mentioned why my madre hates my SO so much(no pun intended...)

it's like Koneko's reason why she's so against him; there's two major reasons why and her reason is one of them.

First off, let me explain my background: my mother is a true asian mother who is set on good colleges and obedience. Also, she is extremely racist(I'm not trying to set a stereotype here to any other Asian mother, but for those of us who have them, you know what I'm talking about.).

This combined with 1. My boyfriend is not Asian(well, a quarter Asian) and 2. He is a senior, I am a freshman. We are 3 years apart.

I know it looks very very bad. High school is full of rumors and sex; those two are NOT a good combination. However, I respect myself and my body and I will not do ANYTHING like that until marriage. I understand adults' concerns about our age and how they think he might be taking advantage of me, but he is not like that at all. However, my mother still hates him, doesn't want me to date yet (she implies until college) and is extremely disappointed with me. We have been fighting ever since my boyfriend and I started going out, which totals in about 6 months and a half.

I know I can't let her see my way since she doesn't even know him and doesn't want to know him, but I wish there was a way I could meet up with him before those three years pass by(we're still going out through college and more, hopefully proving all those people wrong <3).

I wish there wasn't such a stereotype laid out on teenage relationships. I see all these couples around me in high school that are supposedly in "love" but really, it's only about their looks or popularity. It's ridiculous! I can't see anyone around us who is as happy as we are since it's clear what the other relationships are based on.

I have heard that only 2% of high school couples last throughout college and thereafter; we really could be that 2%; people really do search for what we have.

Please reply with more thoughts! Thanks for everything!

**efish1042** · June 10, 2012, 02:35 PM

First of all, ignore the statistics. They mean nothing. They indicate a trend - they don't define your relationship. So forget them.

However, speaking from experience, 3 years of LDR with no support group (besides us) is... difficult to say the least. We always tell people to communicate with each other so you can support each other, but when they can't be there to physically give you a hug when you need it, you usually turn to family or friends and if you don't have anyone to turn to... it can be very hard. I was in a similar position with my SO being a senior and I a freshman when we started dating. 3 years later, we are about to close the distance finally. There were some very hard times, but we got through them with... not as much parental support as could be hoped for. But it is possible. You can defy the odds, too.

I understand your mother's stance. It's a bit irrational, but it's more of a cultural barrier. You should focus on school and marry a nice Asian boy, right? Maybe if he can show that he has great respect for you, your family, your MOTHER, and most especially your culture... if she can see that, maybe she will ease up. The only other thing that I think could change her mind is time. My SO's family refused to accept me as his gf until this past March because I'm going to college with him in the fall. Also, show her that he won't take away from your studies. It will only fuel her argument if you fall behind in school. You think she would be more accepting if you were in college? Fine. Then show her you will wait to really be with this guy until then.

The biggest problem is... will your SO be able to handle it. I have no doubt, from what you've said, that you can do it. You know how to handle your mother, school, a boyfriend. Can he handle your mother keeping you from being all you can be together? From the other side of the fence, I can tell you it isn't easy. Talk to him. TRY to talk to her. Try to get HIM to show her that he respects her and her wishes, but isn't going to give up on you. And you, the same.

I hope she comes around sooner rather than later, but be wary of pushing her too far. Once she is dead set against you... it will take an act of God to sway her.

**angelrawr** · June 10, 2012, 07:51 PM

Thank you! It's nice to know I'm not in such a minority.

He plans to go to grad school where I go to college (he's planning to end college in three years. Through this program we have at our high school, he already has a lot of college credits that can let him graduate in three years) and it's nice to know you have been doing the same thing we are about to do!

My SO will definitely be able to handle it. He wants to do this as much as I do, and I've been worried all the time about how my other absolutely hates him, but he said that he's completely okay and the only one he's worried about is me. He would do anything for me and he said he would wait as long as it takes. We can't wait to be able to finally go through those 3 years together and prove everyone wrong!

He's been through all sorts of craziness from my mother these past 6 months we've been together and he says he can do it.

I don't know what to do though! I don't think my mother will accept him anytime soon and I shouldn't push it until a long while later. Thanks though! I'll try to talk to her when I feel the time is okay.

**Deleted** · June 11, 2012, 05:23 PM

EW, statistics! Don't look at them, they just make everything seem harder.

You just have to talk about it with your mother. I warn you that you may end up crying but at least you'll get answers. Maybe she is just against if because you were not telling her about your relationship and the fact that he's leaving makes it even worse. I was in the same exact place as you a year ago. You may find she's got really silly reasons that you can solve out...

For example, in my case it was that she did not want me to date "an artist" (he's majoring in arts). She said artists are too sentimental and that he would end up looking for someone else to cheat on me to live his life more intensely, and that if we managed to live together someday, he would have no job and no money. Imagine! she was against him because of the Hollywood stereotype of artists. When she met him in person and talked to him she stopped whining about it. I even asked her what was going on and she told me that she could no longer judge me or ask me to fall in love with someone else... because she found out my SO is a lot like my father when he was young and dated her.

Just have more communication with your mother and make her see your SO is good and that he makes you really happy

All parents like their children to be happy. It worked for me, she even allowed me to visit him a few months ago! Show her you are to be trusted, as well as your SO is.

**angelrawr** · June 13, 2012, 12:22 AM

Thanks Aurora!

Well, she is against us mostly because she doesn't trust him. I don't know how to let her trust him since she's caught us cuddling and talking and such (I'm not suppose to be even talking to him alone) and she is strictly noooo PDA, she won't let us even hold hands! Or hug! ): I may look really stupid saying this, but what can I do? I can't just not hug him or kiss him. I only have about a week of schools days with him left, too.

Yes, I understand she just wants me happy and I'm very thankful for that. However, her idea of happiness is different from mine.

In our society, racism is more prevalent among Asian people rather than other ethnicities. My mom knows this and she's been through it. No one usually respects this little Asian lady who has a thick, heavy accent. She wants me to rise to a position where I will be RESPECTED. It's true. The only way to survive is either I attain a high position in an important job, or I get a white coat.

Also, she expects me to return to my birth country after spending my college/graduate school years here, which I would HATE to do. In there, I would be much more respected, but I hate the society there(but that's a whole another story). I love my origin, but some things I just do not agree with at all are common everywhere in there.

I hope she can accept us once we become a college couple <3

**jdwate** · June 28, 2012, 12:07 AM

This is actually why I haven't told my parents yet. The only person I've told is my sister and that's only because she's an LDR survivor.

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