My name is Maxwell. I'm 15, and the girl I love is 14. Before I even continue, me and the girl both know that being "in love" seems to be something more than we may be feeling at the moment. We do have love for each other and it isn't that puppy love either, it's something more, but we aren't quite sure of how to explain it yet. The situation is odd, I'll try to explain it the best I can.
I met her on a chat site around the end of last year, maybe around November or December, and we talked for a little while. We did stuff like role play, she sat on my lap and stuff, but it wasn't based on romance, it was supposed to be a friendly thing. But after talking to her for a little while, I developed feelings for her. But the thing was, she didn't have feelings for me. One night, we decided to ask our friend about her sitting on my lap and all (the role play). Our friend immediately thought we liked each other. The moment was awkward, because she said she didn't like me that way. I think that I did deny liking her as well, because I didn't want to make the moment even more awkward or look like a fool, given that the feelings weren't mutual.
After that happened, I continued to think. I decided later on to confess my feelings to her. We talked about it twice. It was hard but I did it. I'm not quite sure what happened after that, we talked like usual, and I tried not to let my feelings get the best of me. On the chat site, there were people that showed their real pictures, there were people that posed as famous people, then there were people that didn't exactly have any real picture at all, called toons. From time to time toons would private chat with us saying stuff that involved dating. We would always joke, I would be like "Looks like I have competition" whenever a toon private chatted with her about dating.
One night, a toon private chatted/ private messaged (whichever you prefer) her saying that she was his wife. I said "It looks like I have competition." She said "You don't have competition, I'm yours." We continued on talking with her saying that she didn't see how she was his wife considering he just went offline and all, and sooner or later, I asked her to be my wife, got on one knee and proposed and all that (role play of course). We soon confirmed with each other that we were in fact dating and it wasn't just a thing for fun. We started dating on March 30th.
Before I continue, there is something that bothers me. I always wonder how her feelings about me changed. I honestly didn't see this coming, I thought that we were friends and that was how it would stay. I didn't see it moving anywhere, yet my feelings stayed strong, I was too stubborn to give up, even though I was expecting a bad ending. Yet after talking more and that one night, there we were, dating. She was mine and I was hers. I wonder from time to time about the way things changed. "Does she really love me? How did her feelings change? Why did they change? Was this out of pity, or are the feelings real?" I ask these questions and more, because honestly I feel like I don't deserve her. I think that she deserves someone better. She knows this, I've told her so. Moving on..
We dated for a month. My family (my mom, dad and older sister) do not want me dating yet. My dad especially would most likely prefer for me to date after school is completely over for me, meaning that I'm done with college and any extra school I have to go through after that. I'm not quite sure about her situation (the girl I love) but I know that her mom doesn't want her dating yet. We thought about this a lot, since I knew that if we continued doing this and things went the way I thought they would, we would eventually have to explain to our parents about our online relationship. After talking to her and several adults about it, we decided to break up. We made it to April 30th, but we also broke up on that day, at almost 2AM.
This is where the situation gets confusing. We broke up, yet it's still as if we were dating. We still talk a lot, and role play and we do this stuff as if we're still dating. We are not dating, yet it's as if we are. It looks like all that changed is the title. We're single now. Yet besides that, nothing much has really changed. It confuses me, I'm not quite sure how to explain this. We talked about it recently, but it was late and we didn't exactly get that far. We broke up, yet we still love each other. It makes me feel good in a way because honestly, I wouldn't want things to change. My feelings for her definitely wouldn't go away easily. It would take a long time. She told me the same about her feelings for me. Yet it also bothers me. I don't want to hold her back.
I have low self esteem. I think too much, get offended too easily, I take things too seriously, I'm a shy person, I'm not too good at conversation or talking to people in general, and I worry too much as well. I also don't really like my looks, I think of myself as okay looking, but I don't see myself as cute or really attractive. Personality wise, I think I have a great personality. I'm not conceited though, I think I can always improve. I feel like she deserves someone better, someone with better looks and more confidence. I've already told her that in the future, if there is another guy she wants to pursue, she shouldn't worry about me.
I have to keep hiding what I feel by putting on a smile because I don't want to bother anyone or drag anyone down with my emotions, and I just can't tell people how I feel. I don't want to come off as needy or too emotional. I don't want to look like a weakling. I think too much. Any situation can be turned into some kind of future disaster in my head. I've already thought about different things happening, the girl I love finally telling me that this was all out of pity and it wasn't really real, her being in someone else's arms, and so on. I can already think of what people would say if I told them this "Don't worry, everything will be fine. Things happen for a reason. Out of all of the guys she could have dated and gone through this with, she chose you, she loves you! You worry too much," and so on. Thoughts like these prevent me from talking to people about this. I know these thoughts can only hinder me and not help me, but I can't stop. It's the way my mind works..
Sorry for this being so long. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you so much..
I met her on a chat site around the end of last year, maybe around November or December, and we talked for a little while. We did stuff like role play, she sat on my lap and stuff, but it wasn't based on romance, it was supposed to be a friendly thing. But after talking to her for a little while, I developed feelings for her. But the thing was, she didn't have feelings for me. One night, we decided to ask our friend about her sitting on my lap and all (the role play). Our friend immediately thought we liked each other. The moment was awkward, because she said she didn't like me that way. I think that I did deny liking her as well, because I didn't want to make the moment even more awkward or look like a fool, given that the feelings weren't mutual.
After that happened, I continued to think. I decided later on to confess my feelings to her. We talked about it twice. It was hard but I did it. I'm not quite sure what happened after that, we talked like usual, and I tried not to let my feelings get the best of me. On the chat site, there were people that showed their real pictures, there were people that posed as famous people, then there were people that didn't exactly have any real picture at all, called toons. From time to time toons would private chat with us saying stuff that involved dating. We would always joke, I would be like "Looks like I have competition" whenever a toon private chatted with her about dating.
One night, a toon private chatted/ private messaged (whichever you prefer) her saying that she was his wife. I said "It looks like I have competition." She said "You don't have competition, I'm yours." We continued on talking with her saying that she didn't see how she was his wife considering he just went offline and all, and sooner or later, I asked her to be my wife, got on one knee and proposed and all that (role play of course). We soon confirmed with each other that we were in fact dating and it wasn't just a thing for fun. We started dating on March 30th.
Before I continue, there is something that bothers me. I always wonder how her feelings about me changed. I honestly didn't see this coming, I thought that we were friends and that was how it would stay. I didn't see it moving anywhere, yet my feelings stayed strong, I was too stubborn to give up, even though I was expecting a bad ending. Yet after talking more and that one night, there we were, dating. She was mine and I was hers. I wonder from time to time about the way things changed. "Does she really love me? How did her feelings change? Why did they change? Was this out of pity, or are the feelings real?" I ask these questions and more, because honestly I feel like I don't deserve her. I think that she deserves someone better. She knows this, I've told her so. Moving on..
We dated for a month. My family (my mom, dad and older sister) do not want me dating yet. My dad especially would most likely prefer for me to date after school is completely over for me, meaning that I'm done with college and any extra school I have to go through after that. I'm not quite sure about her situation (the girl I love) but I know that her mom doesn't want her dating yet. We thought about this a lot, since I knew that if we continued doing this and things went the way I thought they would, we would eventually have to explain to our parents about our online relationship. After talking to her and several adults about it, we decided to break up. We made it to April 30th, but we also broke up on that day, at almost 2AM.
This is where the situation gets confusing. We broke up, yet it's still as if we were dating. We still talk a lot, and role play and we do this stuff as if we're still dating. We are not dating, yet it's as if we are. It looks like all that changed is the title. We're single now. Yet besides that, nothing much has really changed. It confuses me, I'm not quite sure how to explain this. We talked about it recently, but it was late and we didn't exactly get that far. We broke up, yet we still love each other. It makes me feel good in a way because honestly, I wouldn't want things to change. My feelings for her definitely wouldn't go away easily. It would take a long time. She told me the same about her feelings for me. Yet it also bothers me. I don't want to hold her back.
I have low self esteem. I think too much, get offended too easily, I take things too seriously, I'm a shy person, I'm not too good at conversation or talking to people in general, and I worry too much as well. I also don't really like my looks, I think of myself as okay looking, but I don't see myself as cute or really attractive. Personality wise, I think I have a great personality. I'm not conceited though, I think I can always improve. I feel like she deserves someone better, someone with better looks and more confidence. I've already told her that in the future, if there is another guy she wants to pursue, she shouldn't worry about me.
I have to keep hiding what I feel by putting on a smile because I don't want to bother anyone or drag anyone down with my emotions, and I just can't tell people how I feel. I don't want to come off as needy or too emotional. I don't want to look like a weakling. I think too much. Any situation can be turned into some kind of future disaster in my head. I've already thought about different things happening, the girl I love finally telling me that this was all out of pity and it wasn't really real, her being in someone else's arms, and so on. I can already think of what people would say if I told them this "Don't worry, everything will be fine. Things happen for a reason. Out of all of the guys she could have dated and gone through this with, she chose you, she loves you! You worry too much," and so on. Thoughts like these prevent me from talking to people about this. I know these thoughts can only hinder me and not help me, but I can't stop. It's the way my mind works..
Sorry for this being so long. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you so much..
Comment