I'm not trusting him very much, he asks if there's anything he can do, is there?

[LailaSummer]

I'm not trusting him so much right now, I don't know if it will last

Sorry if this is long... But i need some advice...I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now and I've never had issues trusting him. I've always trusted him fit off the bat. I used to be jealous of girls but I know he really loves me so he wouldn't do anything. One time he got me very worried about him being gay... I have no problem with gay people I believe they should have rights too. It's just that he told be he was gay then he told me he wasn't really, so I asked, are you?? When he said "well yeah I am but don't go telling everyone" he said he had sex with guys and things like that... I wouldnt mind except for the fact that he'd be doing those this while we were dating because we've been going out since we were 13 and 14. He told me eventually he was really lying that he isn't really gay so I believe him. But I always worry still.... He's a frequent liar for fun and I never know when he's telling the truth or not =\

I've told him if anything I can't stand smoking and that I can't be his gf if he smokes and he told me he doesn't so I believed him... Then months after that he says he tried it... That he choked on the smoke and that he won't do it again, I trusted him on that! Just the other day I was asking him if he was being a good boy while hanging out with his friends and he said, no he wasn't he ruined an old ladies car, but he wouldn't tell me that until after I got upset that he wouldn't tell me what he did wrong... A few minutes later he said that he was lying he was really smoking with his friends.... I trusted him.., and he lied to me again and again, I don't think I can trust him anymore.. Or if I want to be his girlfriend because he wants to "try all these things" =\ he said he likes the taste of it but he won't smoke because he knows it damages his body... But he likes it and his friends do it when they hang out... He said he would stop but honestly I can't trust his words anymore =z Im sure he believes he will stop but I don't... He really has done and said so many things that I've finally run out of chances with him... He wants my trust back but I don't know if it's possible..

I don't know if I'm overreacting but smoking is a big deal to me... Is there a way for him to gain my trust back? I mean he lives in Tunisia, I live in America, I can't see what he's doing, so I wouldn't know if he's telling the truth or not. Or lying about what he's actually doing... I know it's sad not to trust him but he hasn't given me any reason to believe him


Im giving him this one last chance to prove that he is trustworthy... Or else I won't be able to meet him.. I do love him but it's getting old really fast now... Advice, or words would be appreciated... I'm so lostttt
I don't know if it's because I'm still a bit upset or if I really am moving on from him but I'm not feeling the love

I know he means well and he really loves me but the smoking things gets me, he said he'll stop but how would I know if he really is stoping?

[snow_girl]

You don't need to make a double post. Message Michelle and she will move your other post over.

[LailaSummer]

Sorryyyyy, I'm still getting used to this site

[efish1042]

To answer your question, the only way to repair trust is with honesty over time. It's not easy, it takes a long time, but it is possible. That's the jist of it. He needs to tell you everything straight about the past and continue that behavior.
Google 'trust building behaviors' if you really want.
I shall leave it at that... :/

[Darth_Taco]

Honestly? I really think you need to cut your losses with this guy @_@. Just look at all the shit he's done to you. Either he's gay and uses you as his beard, cheats on you, smokes despite knowing your feelings on it, and he vandalizes old women's cars, or he's an ass and a liar who has fun by saying things to you that he knows make you miserable. You've forgiven him so many times already, and it looks like he's taken advantage of that and will continue to do so. I know you've been together such a long time now and that you don't wanna toss so many years away without a fight. You've fought enough though, and he seems to be cool with throwing it all away over and over again.

[Ciana]

I agree with the post above me... I have always had an amazing bond with my own SO; we do not lie to eachother and I was upfront with questioning him when someone told me they thought he was cheating. He was not in truth, and we just came out stronger because of it.
Your guy clearly does not know a good thing when he has it. I would just say to be honest with him, break up with him and tell him exactly why. Depending on how he reacts, you two could try again someday or more likely just move on. I would not have put up with that crap at all if I were in your shoes. :\ Lying is so NOT okay in my book.

[Kristin91]

In my opinion, if you can't trust him then an LDR can't work. The big fundamentals of LDR's are communication and trust, and if you don't have one or the other (or both!) then it's not a healthy relationship. You have to decide if you can trust him. Do you think he's just joking around or do you think he's straight up lying to you? There's a big difference, but it's up to you to decide what you want to do. You can't make him tell the truth (if he really is lying), you just have to have faith, and if you can't do that, then I think it's time to say goodbye. You guys started dating when you were 13 and 14, and you're now probably 16 and 17... those years are huge for figuring out who you are and what your values are. People change the most during their adolescent years, and unfortunately there's not a lot you can do when you're so far away.

[Black_Halloween]

o___O this guy sounds like a total loser, why are you still with him?

[Kiyama]

Some people, unfortunately, are frequent liars. They come easily over their lips. Out of shame, embarrassment or whatever reasons. All in all not a good basis for a relationship. Been there, done that.
Have a serious talk with him about that and see if he's willing to change and to work on himself. But honestly I doubt that he will and you know what you can expect from this relationship. More lies. I put up with that waaaay to long until I finally called it quits. Imagine a future with such a person when you actually live together and the damage it can cause when you have common bank accounts, children etc.