What really gets me...

[Honour]

...is when people tell you it's not real.

That they do anything and everything to hamper your efforts to be with your loved one, even when it brings you lots of happiness. What do you guys think?

Basically, my issue is that my other half's mum is getting suspicious that he's talking to me again. She knows briefly about me, but I've never spoken to her directly and she's never expressed any wish to speak to me, which is more than fine by me. She doesn't know all that much about me, other than the fact that I'm a girl from another country that her son has fallen in love with and she thinks I'm a bad influence on him. This isn't the first time parents have been negative towards my relationship with Chris. His parents don't know we're dating, and neither do my parents. My mum knows we talk and that we're close, my dad knows about him but doesn't want to know him beyond that because he's not extremely fond of the idea of me talking to an American (it's a long story). Chris's parents don't know of our relationship, they just sort of know about my existence but they don't really know or care enough as to who I am. Based on a past friendship Chris had with a girl from Canada, who he used to phone on a regular basis and ran up huge bills accidently on his parents' phone, his parents forbade him to speak to me under any circumstances over a year ago now or they would call the police on me (not that it would do much good, me living in the UK and him being in the US). My parents, round the same time, stopped me from being able to talk to him because they got too overprotective, and we basically had to hide our contact and relationship for months, only able to keep in touch with each other briefly because we made secret Facebooks.

The last time Chris tried to discuss with his mum his feelings for me and our relationship, I didn't get to speak to him properly for months. Now he wants to tell her again and risk it because he's finding the distance hard to cope with. I feel the strain too. We need to be together, because this is hurting too much. His mum is the only one, as much as we both hate and fear her even, who could help bring us together, so I can sort of see why his reasoning stands the way it does. I'm just afraid what might happen. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what we could do?

I just feel desperate. I want to be with him, not stuck over here wondering how long it'll be till I get to stay by his side or visit him.

I hate not knowing. :/

[Verojoon]

I'm not a teen... lol I accidentally started to read this post because it showed in new posts and now I feel I must answer...
I can relate so much to a lot of this post (which is kinda odd at my age)

SO lives with his mom. He is 28 years old but in his culture it is totally normal since is not married (however SO's personality goes against his culture in that way and he mainly stayed at home because his mother needs him so much - doesn't speak English, can't drive, etc.) Anyways, it makes for an odd relationship and she does treat him like a teenager...

For the longest time, I wanted him to tell his mom about me. We spent a week together, and he still had told her about me... So before my second visit I said I wanted him to tell her and I wanted to meet her. I even offered to find a tutor to teach me Persian so I could communicate with her on a basic level.. so he told her about me, and at first she seemed cool about it... until a couple days later.. Anything she nagged him about (and they get into a fight more or less every time they talk) she turned around and blamed on me and our relationship.. She also told I wasn't who I said I was (um he'd met me already!!) that she had found a Persian paper for my town in his room (I sent it to him) and in it was an advertisement for a Persian lawyer and she looked just like me and I was lying about who I was...

(I've also my Mom get my Internet cancelled so I would stop talking to him at the beginning, but that is a very long story and not really related to this...)

Anyways, over the summer we broke up... and he took it really bad... like really bad... one night when he felt especially desperate, he woke his mother up in the middle of the night to tell her how much he was hurting. To tell how he wanted to be with me but he couldn't because he had this responsibility to her... And they had a very honest talk... And she said that of course she would prefer anything else but for him to leave, but if he did she would manage, and she loves and doesn't want to see him in so much pain.. But at the time it was too late... I had met someone else.. it was new, I didn't love him like I love SO, but he treated me well and he lived near. I felt I needed to give it a chance...

And now... well I can't say his mother likes me (at all) or that she is happy we are back together... but in her sane moments she must realize that I am what makes her son happy. She must be relieved to see him have an appetite for life again... a desire to improve his conditions so we can be together...

I talk too much...

All this to say, that maybe the best bet is for him to talk to his mom again... Maybe he should talk to her again and again and again until she realizes how serious he is and how much his heart is in it.. You ticker says you have been together 1 year 10 months, maybe she will take it more seriously by now??

Good Luck!!

[Honour]

I don't think she would take it seriously. She is beyond childish and argumentative and whenever my other half tries to talk to her about things, she blows him off and ignores what he says. When he does tell her things, she takes them the wrong way and punishes him for them.

[Maximum212]

I understand what you're going through. I'm going through somewhat the same thing right now. But in my opinion, I think my situation is a bit worse.

For starters, I'm 15 and the girl is 14, turning 15 in November. We dated for a month but our parents' didn't want us dating at all, not only each other but at all, like no relationships period. So we broke it off, yet we both knew that the feelings we had for each other weren't gone and wouldn't be gone for a long time, if ever. We both decided to speak to our parents about it. According to her, she spoke to her parents and they were okay with it. But when it came to me, my family went somewhere else.

They didn't say the relationship was real, at least not with those words, They went based on the fact that we hadn't met in person of course. My older sister said that SHE HERSELF wasn't real! She even termed her and the rest of my friends from online as imaginary friends. My situation gets worse. They made me stop talking to them. I had to stop everything, no Facebook, no Twitter, no Skype, no chat room, no texting or phone calls from them, nothing!

I'm struggling with it, and I find myself thinking about her and the rest everyday. I tried to resist talking to her a few days ago, but I ended up texting her using this thing I found for free texting on the computer. I asked her if she would wait for me, and if she misses me. She said yes to both. I'm not sure if she knows what waiting for me entails. But I'm hoping she would wait for me. I plan to wait to be with her. But the problem I'm faced with is how to initiate it. The more I talk to my family, the more tired they seem to get of talking to me about it, because I just won't let go. I talked to both my older sister and father about this today, and they both said that they were tired of talking (due to this and other stuff like me staying up until 12am and stuff).

The funny thing about this is that they say they don't want me talking to anyone else about problems but them, but if they're getting tired of talking to me, who can I talk to? What makes it a bit worse is that even if they consented for the relationship, we most likely wouldn't be able to meet at all while under or parents' watch, meaning we'd have to wait years before seeing each other. But honestly, I'd be happy to at least have her through a LDR. This is all what I'm dealing with currently, and its painful. So I can see a bit of what you're going through with your SO.

In my opinion, it doesn't quite look like the mother will budge. I think that the best thing to do is wait sadly. I mean, I do think its a good idea that your S/O talks to his mother again, maybe he can get her to understand, who knows? He should try. But if that doesn't work, maybe waiting would be your best option. As someone who gave me advice on here said, if something is truly special, it will still be there. I think this is true, even if you guys were to date other people. Just the same, if you guys date other people and find someone else to be right for you, then so be it. If you're bent on this working out, try to talk to your families. If it doesn't work, either try, try again, or just wait. If it's meant to be, it will work out. Good luck!

[Carenza LaRue]

not a teen myself...... far from my teenage years as a matter of fact.....

but still...... my friends and family consider my relationship with someone 4000 miles away as 'fake' too.... and wonder what I am doing....

haha.... it doesn't matter..... it's your life, your love and your path...

just carry on and people will be convinced one day....

[D.4C]

being a teen definitely makes your situation alot harder..cuz your parents and his can find ways to block you...being secretive isn't a whole lot of fun...but if it's the only way...you will have to do what you have to do in order to not lose things...being upfront is a good idea...so i commend him for doing that...maybe he is hoping that if he keeps it up...they will finally get to understanding that the two of you are gonna find ways to stay together...so either eventually they are gonna have to accept it...or eventually lose one or both of you...i wish you very much luck...do what you have to if it's what you want...

[efish1042]

The problem with young love is the stigma that comes with it. The stereotype. "Your first love is your first heartbreak." "Young love, it will never last." "You're only teenagers. What do you know of love?"
And the thing is... with most teens, those stereotypes are warranted. They come from somewhere. They exist for a reason... the reason being that they are too often true.
The problem for those of us who fall in that age bracket but not in that stereotype is making the world see that. Showing the world that we are more mature, more well-rounded, more realistic than other teens is not easy. Even for me, who was always acknowledged as being these things, had a hard time getting people to take me seriously.

When you throw in another complication like age difference or long distance, something that many adults have trouble handling and many around you have trouble reconciling, getting people to take that relationship seriously is a small form of hell.
But the thing is, what does it matter? You know who you are and you know who you love. Your SO knows the same. What else is there? The only other people that matter are your parents (for minors) and they can tell you that you're naive, you know nothing of love, you're immature... but they can't make any of it true. If they truly know you, then they won't say that anyway.

Part of being mature is knowing when to back down from a fight and knowing when to acknowledge that you may be wrong. Sometimes when people call you naive, you are. But even if you aren't, be man (or woman) enough to agree to disagree and walk away. Shrug it off, because in the grand scheme of things, what does it matter?