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Choices, choices..please help!

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    Choices, choices..please help!

    This is probably my 4th or maybe 5th post on this subject. To make a long story short, we dated for a month but broke up because our parents, her parents not so much, mainly mine, didn't want us dating at this age. We still like each other a lot, all that seems to be gone is the title. As far as most seem to know, she's single, and so am I. Don't get me wrong about her parents though, they wanted her to wait a while too. I don't know how long she has to wait, but I do know that I can't date until college. My parents however made it worse. They made me stop talking to all of my online friends, her especially. And here's where the problem comes in.

    I haven't. They made this request..demand..whatever you want to call it in August. Its November 1st now. Out of all of my online friends, she's the only one I still really talk to, besides maybe two others with which I have a sporadic conversation here and there. I just find it so hard to not talk to her. And I mean really hard. I tried not talking to her recently, while Hurricane Sandy was going on. I still had my power, and my area of NYC wasn't hit as hard as other areas, my apartment wasn't flooded at all or anything like that, just really hard blowing winds. However, I found it hard to stay away. I lasted 3 days..and immediately sent her a text and called her the next morning. I would say I barely lasted, since during those three days I would at one point or another whip out my phone and type a message to her, but never send it..

    So this is my problem, either I keep talking to her and go against my parent's wishes, or I leave and talk to her later in life, probably when I'm on my own. Either way I'm going to talk to her, whether I keep going now or stop and call her or something when I get to college, which would be in about 2 and a 1/2 to 3 years from now, given I'm 15. And if this matters at all, she's 14 turning 15 this month.

    I've had many different plans revolving staying or going. One of the plans I was thinking about was just leaving without saying goodbye, probably after Christmas or New Years Day. The thing is, I don't think it would be much of a blow to her if I go, since I've already promised her that no matter how long we go without communication, I'd find a way back to her. On top of this, I've already accepted at least to a certain point, that if I go, she would move on. We've talked about it at a certain length, and she wasn't sure, but I am. It doesn't seem realistic for her to be hung up on me for 2 and a 1/2 to 3 years when we aren't even talking. And giving the friendly outgoing girl she is, I doubt she would stay single that long. I've already let her know that if there would be another guy she wanted to pursue, to go ahead. So I've already given her the green light..

    Leaving without saying goodbye is a weird concept for me. But leaving and saying goodbye hurts too much. I've done it twice before involving this recent issue, and 2 or 3 times before this issue even emerged, due to issues with friends on the chat site we met on. Yet I always came back. Even once, she stopped me from going. The first time I left regarding this issue, we were both moved to tears. The second time, we were sad but smiling since we knew it wouldn't be goodbye forever. This time, I'd rather avoid that pain and just go..

    Please, any advice would be appreciated. What would you do? The way it looks honestly, the question about leaving is not if, but when and how I should do it..

    #2
    I'm tired and its late so forgive me if I'm blunt

    The thing that worried me about this post is how dismissive you seemed to be about her emotions. Sure you say you don't think she'd be that hung up or whatever BUT planning on just disappearing because its too 'hard' to say goodbye is a dickish thing to do and selfish to stay the least.

    If she's commited herself to you and being in a LDR then give the girl some respect. Also make a decision already! Yes you live under your parents and I've read previous messages where people have told you it's your life ect. But you need to really once and for all commit to what your doing here.

    Keep in touch and find a library/Internet cafe and keep your relationship going OR break up, be a man about it and accept that it's very unlikely that in three years you will be together and even more unfair to leave someone with that expectation. If your going to end it END IT. Get what I mean? She's 14 don't mess her around.

    So yes basically you need to make a decision, be mature and not dramatic about it and stick to it! It's not all about you after all.

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      #3
      Oh and if you decide to break up with her, one make sure it's for the final time at 14 she doesn't deserve to already have been messed around and two do it to her face or the way you are most intimate with her (Skype I presume). Don't be dramatic. Tell her the truth. What would i do personallu? something like this- You can't make this relationship work so it's unfair to keep it going when you can't fully invest into it and you wish her well but given your problems with repeatably coming back its probably best you both cut all contact. If you can't do this then I'd say at least for x amount of time (x being months not days!)

      I hope you make a decision you can (at least eventually) be happy with and can be proud of the way you handled it in the future.

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        #4
        Originally posted by redapple View Post
        I'm tired and its late so forgive me if I'm blunt
        You don't need to be forgiven, I can understand why you were blunt. I deserve it anyway, you're right. It really does seem like I'm only thinking of myself. However, I do want to clear it up though that I have her in mind as well, not only myself. I feel horrible that she's so committed, and I can't invest fully in the relationship. There has been time and time again, when even before this issue came up, I would tell her that if there would be a time where she felt she would be happier with another person, to just let me go. Due to my insecurities about myself, even though I was happy she was with me, in the back of my mind I always thought she would be happier with someone else.

        Comment


          #5
          You guys are young and have your whole lives ahead of you. If it's meant to be, I am sure you will find a way back to each other eventually, when the time is right. That's my take on it anyway. But I wouldn't just "disappear". I think she deserves some kind of closure. Good luck.

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