Needs Advice -- my boyfriend doesn't make effort to see me like I do to see him

[kshankle]

I'm 19 years old and my boyfriend is also 19 years old, I live in North Carolina and he lives in Louisiana. Our plans for seeing each other is limited to only seeing each other twice a year for around 1.5 to 2 weeks at a time. The problem is that everytime it's HIS turn to travel to see me and my family, he doesn't come. He doesn't put in the effort to save up money, he doesn't try to find a job or even try to make it up here! Last summer, was his turn to see me and he said he couldn't make it and i realized that he never really tries to see me like I always try to see him when it's my turn to travel. Instead of him coming to NC last summer, I ended up going to Louisiana instead for the second time in a row! I made this $400 trip in less than a month's time of planning when he had almost six months to plan to come see me! And now it's almost Christmas and now that I just got back from seeing him in July, it's again his turn to see me. My mother simply will not let me fly back down there for a third time when he has only seen my family once! The problem is that there is less than two months remaining until he's supposed to be here, and he STILL is not making an effort to work and save money to see me. Instead he spends all his money on hanging with his friends and buying things for his car. It seems like seeing each other is more important to me than it is to him, what should I do? how do I talk to him about this without seeming like i'm pressuring him?

[snow_girl]

How is your relationship besides this issue? How long have you been together? Without sounding harsh, maybe you just aren't a priority to him anymore. I would talk to him and tell him how you feel and say that the only way he is going to see you is if he sorts himself out and comes to see you.

[Tooki]

How is your relationship besides this issue? How long have you been together? Without sounding harsh, maybe you just aren't a priority to him anymore. I would talk to him and tell him how you feel and say that the only way he is going to see you is if he sorts himself out and comes to see you.

This

If he is doing other things like not making as much of an effort as yourself to talk, then I would talk to him ASAP.

[kshankle]

How is your relationship besides this issue? How long have you been together? Without sounding harsh, maybe you just aren't a priority to him anymore. I would talk to him and tell him how you feel and say that the only way he is going to see you is if he sorts himself out and comes to see you.

besides this issue our relationship is pretty good, we talk on the phone everynight, we laugh and have plenty of good times. We've been together for 3 years and he says it's money problems that makes him not be able to come see me, but his family is far more better off than mine and I did everything I could to fly to see him with only 2 weeks time to get the money. He's had months to plan and get the money, but it just doesnt seem like he is trying his best to come see me like I do when it's my turn to see him.

[Tooki]

besides this issue our relationship is pretty good, we talk on the phone everynight, we laugh and have plenty of good times. We've been together for 3 years and he says it's money problems that makes him not be able to come see me, but his family is far more better off than mine and I did everything I could to fly to see him with only 2 weeks time to get the money. He's had months to plan and get the money, but it just doesnt seem like he is trying his best to come see me like I do when it's my turn to see him.

I don't know your SO, but he seems really stingy. I have well-off friends who are the same. They have tons of money in their wallet, but they get so jittery every time it's their time to pay. You have to be upfront to him.

[Zephii]

I find, generally, that the womenfolk care more and are willing to put more time and effort into the relationship. They understand why its necessary, and on some level, need it more. I don't think it's uncommon.

But, that aside, he needs to realise the other things his actions are telling you - that he's unreliable, that you're not important to him, that he's unmotivated, a bit immature, and that he has no discipline with the money he does have. These are not qualities most people desire in a partner. So I guess you've got to find a nice way to convey this to him and tell him to step it up rather than making excuses.

[kshankle]

thanks everyone, i've been trying to talk to him about it and it seems like he wants to see me for christmas, the main problem is just making him actually try to find a new job or even step up and be motivated.

But now i'm beginning to have problems with his parents -__- they dont seem to like our relationship and they constantly tell him how they would rather him be with a girl who's closer. It bothers me because he still lives at home, hence being in high school, and sometimes it seems like their opinions are affecting his feelings towards me. I'm sorry, I just found this website and I am very happy to have found a place to let my problems out and get help with them.