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**XxFranticLovexX** · November 12, 2012, 02:23 PM

I don't really have advice to give on most of this, but as for how to ask her to make your relationship official.. just come out and ask her. You can bring it up out of no where or you can let one of your other conversations lead into it, but really, in the end you're still just going to have to ask. Yeah, it can be scary, but it's over soon enough and you'll (hopefully) have the answer that you were looking for.

**MadMolly** · November 12, 2012, 05:01 PM

Just ask her straight up, if she sees this going somewhere and are you officially together? Best not to beat around the bush about this stuff.

(Also, I live in Auckland too, welcome to the forum!)

**iLove** · November 12, 2012, 06:14 PM

Hah thanks Molly, it's funny, her name is the same as yours, spelt differently <3

I'll bring it up one time.

**Zapookie** · November 12, 2012, 06:36 PM

When people come on here asking for ideas on what to talk about.. I don't really know what to say. I think when you're with someone and you both genuinely want to get to know each other, the conversation will just flow like a river... and it never really stops flowing.

You do need to just talk to her about it, but I have a feeling she may not reciprocate fully.

**Sora1101** · November 12, 2012, 08:15 PM

Best thing to do is just ask.

if it does work out you should remember nothing in an LDR will work without communication.

**iLove** · November 12, 2012, 10:42 PM

I think tonight, I need to call her, and ask her this

"Look, we're in love, right? I told you I love you, and you told me you love me? I guess that's not technically a relationship, but I want it to be, and I really want to make this work.. we can get past this small distance between us, I truly love you and I hope you truly mean it when you say it, and you want to make this work as well.."

I don't know.. help?

**MadMolly** · November 12, 2012, 11:02 PM

The thing about long distance is, if you commit to something like this, it won't work unless there is an end in sight. So unless one of you or both of you has at least some vague idea of how to close the distance, it's going to be pretty daunting to commit to. Luckily NZ and Australia are pretty damn easy to migrate between! (I'm an example after all - Aussie living in NZ!)

**Sora1101** · November 12, 2012, 11:08 PM

Originally posted by iLove View Post

I think tonight, I need to call her, and ask her this

"Look, we're in love, right? I told you I love you, and you told me you love me? I guess that's not technically a relationship, but I want it to be, and I really want to make this work.. we can get past this small distance between us, I truly love you and I hope you truly mean it when you say it, and you want to make this work as well.."

I don't know.. help?

love isn't everything you both need to work your butts off to make it possible

**ThePiedPiper** · November 12, 2012, 11:28 PM

Originally posted by MadMolly View Post

The thing about long distance is, if you commit to something like this, it won't work unless there is an end in sight. So unless one of you or both of you has at least some vague idea of how to close the distance, it's going to be pretty daunting to commit to. Luckily NZ and Australia are pretty damn easy to migrate between! (I'm an example after all - Aussie living in NZ!)

Originally posted by Sora1101 View Post

love isn't everything you both need to work your butts off to make it possible

While I agree with these, I also think there's something to be said about waiting/not committing to solid plans depending on your age.

I ended things with my SO recently, so while I might not seem like the best authority, I can say that it did not end for distance reasons and I would not have changed the way I handled the distance with him had our relationship ended up working out better than it did. In the end, I'm 21, and he will be turning 20 in December. I'm in my senior year, graduating at the end of March, and while I plan to take some time off, I do intend to pursue graduate school, which depending on whether I stop at an MA or go on to obtain my PsyD puts me at 2-5 years, not considering internships. My then-SO had recently started school again to complete his leaving cert, with the intention of starting a two year program next year and going from there. Our distance would have been extended by at least 3 years, and we didn't know whether or not he would pursue further education. However, we were both committed to making it work, even if we didn't have an exact end in sight.

Especially when a relationship is first starting out, I don't think you need to know the specific details, but I think you need to be aware of one another's limits. For example, while you might be willing to wait 10 years to be with her, she may only be willing to wait 5, and I should note that sometimes this changes for people; some will extend their limits and others will shorten them once they're in too deep and realise what the relationship/situation is actually like. Secondly, you both need to be aware of the fact that somewhere along the line, one of you will have to move. One of you will have to leave your friends and your families, your home towns, any job/job opportunities, etc. You need to think about it realistically as best as you can, beyond "oh, we're so in love, la de la

" because while it can certainly be easy to overlook the details for the sake of "figuring them out later," it's important you both realise exactly what you're committing to: the fact that one of you is going to have to uproot themselves completely. You also have to be real about where you're at in life. I don't know how old you two are, but any academic or career obligations need, to an extent, to come first. All too often, people make brash decisions and go for it for the sake of love, not putting a suitable life in place for themselves in case it doesn't work out. If it doesn't? They have nothing to stand on, and this is something you should both be working to prevent from happening. If you are at a point where you are building your lives for yourselves, that needs to come first. If this relationship is meant to work, and you're committed to making it work, you will make it work around each other's goals, ambitions, dreams, and life stabilising decisions (school, internships, work, etc.); those things won't mould to the relationship.

You also both have to realise that love will not make it work. Love does not conquer all. Love is nothing more than a feeling and an idea that binds two hearts and minds together. What's going to make it work is trust, honesty, communication, commitment, and respect, to each other, to your own lives, to yourself, and to the relationship itself. This means no phasing in and out of your life when you're convenient for her, and no sacrificing all your needs to make it work because you believe you're her soulmate. Again, not everything will fall into place without hard work and commitment, no, and you will both need to put effort into it, but being someone's soulmate, someone's "meant to be," will never mean sacrifices that put your own hopes and dreams on hold. Never. It is important to keep your priorities straight and to understand that neither she nor you can come #1 100% of the time, and understand that commitment does not mean always putting your relationship first, but sometimes it means being able to adapt your relationship to your and her opportunities in life.

**digitalfever** · November 13, 2012, 03:49 AM

I think this is a bit fast. I�d say if this is how things are now why not just keep it the way it is? There is no need to talk about commitment at such a young age.

**iLove** · November 14, 2012, 04:22 AM

We're both 17, and I was only thinking of committing when I was 18, and closing the distance after my degree..

But.. it looks like it's falling to pieces now, she prioritizes the people on the other place before me, it's not even a big ask, says she loves me now she wont say it when I do, I think I'm just going to move on.. How would I go in doing that? Or how would I go in confronting her about it?

**Ryuh** · November 14, 2012, 11:12 PM

Hey buddy.

Now, I know on the outside looking in it might different then how it feels to you..
But by the looks of it, it really seems that you're way more into her then she is into you. :/
People do have different ways of showing their love for each other, but if she deeply cared for you, she would try her best to return your kind of love back. You know what I mean?
If the only interesting conversations you have are when your horny, then I don't necessarily think she's your soul mate, but I could be wrong.
I really hope everything works out with you and this girl. If you really feel like she's the "one", then you should most definitely tell her straight up!
To me, you should find someone that shows you the same love and respect, cause I can tell you're a really great guy & deserve someone who will give back what they receive.
Cheers!

**iLove** · November 15, 2012, 12:40 AM

She is into me, just at different times, we have many interesting convos, just the horny ones are nice

**iLove** · November 15, 2012, 04:18 PM

Ugh who am I kidding, horny convo isn't even the best, I just like it when we have comfortable chat, and I really miss her she's ignored me the past 2 days, I'm starting to think she's just trying to replace me ;\

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Need some advice, not too sure but I am?

Need some advice, not too sure but I am?

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