Teens Boyfriend doesn't want to skype. Feel like I cant communicate.

[TrishaMarie]

Hi, I am 19 and my boyfriend is 19 as well. We have been together for almost a year and a half. He lives in north Florida and I am in south Florida. He lived in North Carolina for the first bit of our relationship even though he is from where I live. He used to come home for all the breaks and we would get to spend summer, winter, and spring break together. We used to talk on the phone and skype for hours the first about 8 months of the relationship while he was in NC. When we got in a fight one time he finally mentions that he had hated talking on the phone and skyping. He said it was not that he didn't like talking to me but he just did not like talking on the phone or skyping in general.

After the fight he at first told me he didn't want to skype or call me at all and we almost broke up over it. I took it as how could someone in a relationship not want to talk to their girlfriend or hear their voice? How can he not want to see my face when were away from each other for so long? I am the type where I need to hear his voice and see him even through a computer to feel a connection. We made a deal where we can skype once a week for an hour or two. I was fine with that at first because I was afraid I would lose him if I pushed him. He was just trying to be honest and tell me his feelings, right?

Lately it hasn't been enough. I just spent a month with him and now we are back at school. Its hard to go from seeing someone everyday to not at all. We text everyday from when we wake up till we go to bed. I just cant get any sort of connection from him through text message. He loves me but isnt the type to make sure I know it and say it all the time but will say it back to me. I just always feel like im slipping away and want more connection. Isn't a LD relationship supposed to be about communication. How can I communicate if I cant hear him, or see him. How can I be reasured that he loves me. When I say how come you don't say it he just says I need to have more faith in him. I asked if we could skype at least one more day and he said "look I really dont like skyping as it is and that he does it for me but he isnt willing to do anymore."

Am I wrong? Should I deal with it and respect him? Or is he just being stubborn? How can I know he loves me if all we do is text message and he never says it?

[Sora1101]

I know how you feel, there was a time in my relationship that I hardly ever got to video chat with my SO and this was before we started calling each other so I really missed that "face to face" time that video chat gave us. I don't think you're asking for much at all, relationships are all about give and take, I'm sure you must do things you really don't like to do for him right?

Have you tried asking him what he particularly doesn't like about calling and skyping? Maybe it makes him feel uncomfortable or something, I know in the beginning I always felt really weird talking to my SO on the phone. If you're worried about not feeling connected to your SO because all you do is text maybe you could ask him to express his love for you a bit more if he doesn't want to skype.

[TrishaMarie]

When I ask what he doesnt like about it he just said he just doesnt like it. He says hes not the type of person to talk on the phone for hours. Although when we used to skype, before he told me he didnt like it, we would skype for like 6 hours and he laughed and seemed like he loved it but apparently it was all for me and hes not willing to do that anymore. He doesnt call me. All I get is that one hour a week to "connect".

I told him that I do things for him that I dont like. I said I dont like watching football all day with your family but I do it to spend time with you and hes just like well I just dont like and thinks hes compromised enough. He says if it were up to him we wouldnt skype at all. What kind of relationship would that be? I feel so disconnected sometimes but I love him at the same time.

[kayla_622]

Sometimes people just feel awkward sitting in front of a camera or just talking on the phone. I know I do BUT, your boyfriend should compromise sometimes. He may not like doing this but it doesn't hurt him at all to get on skype like once a week and talk to you for 30 minutes. I would tell him how you feel and what you want and need out of this relationship and try to ask if you could skype or call once or twice a week. You aren't honestly asking much of him to do this. And he should care enough for you and understand that you need this sort of contact.

[rubydissolution]

Have you ever asked him to make special considerations after your visits? If only for a short time til you get readjusted? I don't think that's unreasonable.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

My SO and I rarely ever Skype unfortunately. We don't talk on the phone much either. He's so goddamn busy with school stuff. He's in a very difficult and time consuming major. I've just learned to be patient. I do get upset sometimes, like right now. I want to talk to him on the phone so badly. I need to hear his voice and I wonder why he wouldn't just make time. He is horrible with time management, unfortunately.

[redapple]

I'd agree with the poster above- I'd try and get to the root of what he doesn't like about it. Maybe that will help you work out a way to get pass this problem. Maybe he feels self conscious? It defiantly needs addressing.

[Kiyama]

Sometimes I feel like people forget their own needs about making the other person happy. But in a relationship, both parties should be happy, not only one. And that means that it takes two to make compromises, to be tolerant but also to have expectations and needs that need to be addressed.
What I'm trying to say is that you aren't being unreasonable and that you should address it. It's not only about him and what he likes but also about your needs and happiness. If he's a decent guy, I'm sure he will understand and you can work our a solution

[kacie]

Sometimes I feel like people forget their own needs about making the other person happy. But in a relationship, both parties should be happy, not only one. And that means that it takes two to make compromises, to be tolerant but also to have expectations and needs that need to be addressed.
What I'm trying to say is that you aren't being unreasonable and that you should address it. It's not only about him and what he likes but also about your needs and happiness. If he's a decent guy, I'm sure he will understand and you can work our a solution

I think that by giving her an hour a week, he does feel he is compromising in that he doesn't what to skype at all. If he isn't willing to skype with you then, you'll have to find ways of communicating that he is happy about. Would he be willing to record his voice every now and then, but as a voicemail or can he sing you a song and record that, so you get to hear his voice but not have the conversation aspect of it.