I wont sugarcoat a single thing.& ill make this short & sweet. i joined this because i never ever want someone to make the same mistake as i did. My name is Catherine. Four years ago aorund this time actually i dated this boy from my town, his name was kyle. the thing with all of this was i fell for his best friend. his name was devin. he was absolulty amazing. he knew everything i had been through with my ex from him ignoring me, to him hitting me. at this time i was only 12 & he was 15. i never had been hurt so much before mentally & phyically. my exs other bestfriend i got close with as well & he wound up falling for me. & i had a thing with him after my ex & i broke up.
this whole time i was completely inlove with devin. he wasnt the best looking & he though he was "fat" & he wasnt the most "popular" but what did that mean to me? absouletly nothing, nothing at all. when me & his bestfriend ended our alittle thing i was guna tell him how i felt because for five months i'd holding this in. i died alittle inside cause i texted him & this is how it played out:
Me: hey i need to tell you something..
Devin: me too, but you first!
Me: no you!
Devin: i'm moving to new hampshire ...
Me: ... oh.
Devin: yeah.. whatd you have to say?
Me: doesnt matter anymore..
at this point my heart broke. i mean even my mom new about all of this because all i did was cry & complain bout his boy. i tried so hard to fight my feelings. & i stopped talking to him a little. but we are the bestest of friends and i love him to death as a friend and as so much more. he knows everything about him and i know everything about him. he makes me a better person i feel. i can always go to him for things.
so in 2012( at this time im 15 & he's 17) i found out that i was going to new hampshire for a soccer tournament! i couldnt have been more excited then at this moment. only 20 min away from him! & i texted him automatically & told him! i was overjoyed. but so then it came & we were texting the whole time i was up there. i couldnt explain anymore how much this kid means to me. even getting a text from him put the biggest smile on my face, my whole team new who i was texting. but ... we wound up not seeing eachother... i died. i complained 24/7 & it hurt more cause he didnt talk to me for 3 months for no reason... then i texted him one day and said sorry if i did anything to hurt him. he said it wasnt me he just felt bad.
but so this christmas came around (2012, now im 16 & a sophomore & hes a senior, when we first met i was in 7th grade and he was a freshmen) & we saw eachother for the first time in over a year. i tackled him to the ground and was so happy to see him. at this moment i new i was absoutely inlove with him. i thought he was guna kiss me but he never did. since we hungout during that break i kept talking about him...
then.. finally the day came where i couldnt take it anymore & expressed how i felt. i didnt say i loved him cause i felt like that would scare him. but remember i never said a single thing for FOUR years. i kept my mouth shut, & thought there was no point in saying anything. & honestly there wasn't any use in it. i told him & he said he would be lying if he said he liked me but would be lying if he said he didnt. now this is january of 2013 when i finally told him.
i dont think he realizes not telling me is hurting me so much more. & i dont think he ever will. sure were not that far away im on longisland & hes in newhampshire. but to me it feels like a million miles apart.
if i could have one wish it would for me to just call him mine. but sometimes time isnt on your side. all my friends say " you could do so much better" "catherine hes so far & so many guys like you here, why him?" & all i say is i dont care if i can do better or if ive done better. i want him. & its getting harder & harder everyday. i dont know. i guess sometimes one person is more willing to work things out. i can handle the distance. & the thing is he told my friend he liked me alot. but im just done with hurting myself. because now its just painful. not all relationships work out. distance shouldnt matter. but i guess to him it does.. maybe i just waited too long, or maybe I'm just not good enough. i dont know honestly. but moral of the story:
-dont wait too long
-distance is but a number
-love is undeniable, dont fight your feelings
-you are someones reason to smile.
this whole time i was completely inlove with devin. he wasnt the best looking & he though he was "fat" & he wasnt the most "popular" but what did that mean to me? absouletly nothing, nothing at all. when me & his bestfriend ended our alittle thing i was guna tell him how i felt because for five months i'd holding this in. i died alittle inside cause i texted him & this is how it played out:
Me: hey i need to tell you something..
Devin: me too, but you first!
Me: no you!
Devin: i'm moving to new hampshire ...
Me: ... oh.
Devin: yeah.. whatd you have to say?
Me: doesnt matter anymore..
at this point my heart broke. i mean even my mom new about all of this because all i did was cry & complain bout his boy. i tried so hard to fight my feelings. & i stopped talking to him a little. but we are the bestest of friends and i love him to death as a friend and as so much more. he knows everything about him and i know everything about him. he makes me a better person i feel. i can always go to him for things.
so in 2012( at this time im 15 & he's 17) i found out that i was going to new hampshire for a soccer tournament! i couldnt have been more excited then at this moment. only 20 min away from him! & i texted him automatically & told him! i was overjoyed. but so then it came & we were texting the whole time i was up there. i couldnt explain anymore how much this kid means to me. even getting a text from him put the biggest smile on my face, my whole team new who i was texting. but ... we wound up not seeing eachother... i died. i complained 24/7 & it hurt more cause he didnt talk to me for 3 months for no reason... then i texted him one day and said sorry if i did anything to hurt him. he said it wasnt me he just felt bad.
but so this christmas came around (2012, now im 16 & a sophomore & hes a senior, when we first met i was in 7th grade and he was a freshmen) & we saw eachother for the first time in over a year. i tackled him to the ground and was so happy to see him. at this moment i new i was absoutely inlove with him. i thought he was guna kiss me but he never did. since we hungout during that break i kept talking about him...
then.. finally the day came where i couldnt take it anymore & expressed how i felt. i didnt say i loved him cause i felt like that would scare him. but remember i never said a single thing for FOUR years. i kept my mouth shut, & thought there was no point in saying anything. & honestly there wasn't any use in it. i told him & he said he would be lying if he said he liked me but would be lying if he said he didnt. now this is january of 2013 when i finally told him.
i dont think he realizes not telling me is hurting me so much more. & i dont think he ever will. sure were not that far away im on longisland & hes in newhampshire. but to me it feels like a million miles apart.
if i could have one wish it would for me to just call him mine. but sometimes time isnt on your side. all my friends say " you could do so much better" "catherine hes so far & so many guys like you here, why him?" & all i say is i dont care if i can do better or if ive done better. i want him. & its getting harder & harder everyday. i dont know. i guess sometimes one person is more willing to work things out. i can handle the distance. & the thing is he told my friend he liked me alot. but im just done with hurting myself. because now its just painful. not all relationships work out. distance shouldnt matter. but i guess to him it does.. maybe i just waited too long, or maybe I'm just not good enough. i dont know honestly. but moral of the story:
-dont wait too long
-distance is but a number
-love is undeniable, dont fight your feelings
-you are someones reason to smile.