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I don't know if I'm ready to be in a LDR...?

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    Teens I don't know if I'm ready to be in a LDR...?

    I had met this guy in mid-January (ironically enough, on his birthday) on an online forum, and we had immediately hit it off when we started speaking to each other. Not long after, we spent every day sending messages online, then went to e-mail and texting, and even livestreaming movies together here and there.

    He's told me that I've become a really good influence on him, as he's majorly starting to turn his life around, which I'm really glad to hear. He's becoming more optimistic and believing more in himself, and looking towards the future, and doing what he can to achieve his dreams.
    And he's really helped me to not feel so lonely as I used to. I look forward to hearing from him every day, and I feel very empty when I'm not speaking to him.

    He tells me all the time how special I am to him, and how much he really likes me. I take it as being a very big deal, because of how private he usually is to be around other people, so I always tell him that I appreciate his honesty, and how he is open with his feelings.
    However, I don't know what to do with them; he has made attempts to bring up being in a relationship, but I am very scared about doing so.
    There is a four-and-a-half year gap between the two of us, which I know my parents will not be too pleased to hear about (so there's definitely the fear about having to bring it up to them if I do get into this).
    And I don't even know him... Yes, we talk to each other all the time, but I don't know what he looks like, and if he really is who he says he is. I want to trust him, and I don't necessarily have a bad gut instinct, but it's better safe than sorry, right?

    He really wants to be in a relationship, but I am extremely hesitant. He's trying to get me to open up more with him, and to get me more comfortable whenever he brings it up, but all I want to do is change the topic and not think about it at the moment.
    What should I do? Because he sounds like a really great guy, but I'm just very freaked out (and it doesn't help that I am the same way with close-distance relationships too... they never lasted long for me because of how scared I would get of the commitment, and the feeling of losing my independence). I don't want to hurt him...

    #2
    I wouldn't even think about being in a relationship until I have not only seen a picture of the person in question but I have also seen the person on video chat.

    I don't blame you for being weary of pursuing a relationship with this person. Do NOT feel bad to ask for a picture/skype session from him.

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      #3
      I've been in your situation pretty much exactly. Met my SO on an online forum, we have a 5 year age gap etc etc.

      Anyway here is my advice. Don't rush into the relationship just because he's pressuring you a bit (by pressuring I mean constantly bringing it up/hinting at it). If you feel like you really like this guy and want to date him set conditions, first and foremost being pictures and a video chat, if he can't video chat for whatever reason google him. Yeah that's right take his name and search the crap out of it. Drag the pictures he sends to you into google images it'll bring up every site that picture is on and it will let you know if he's using fake pictures and profiles and stuff. Actually do the google search even if he video chats with you, you never know what might come up, knowledge is power right? If everything checks out and you still like the guy then I say go for it, in a year you'll be 18 and the age gap won't even matter.

      Notes:
      Met: 8.17.09
      Started Dating: 8.20.09
      First Met: 10.2.10
      Closed the Distance: 8.9.14

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        #4
        Tell him exactly what you told us. If he's as great as you think he is, he'll stick around and help you figure things out You shouldn't be pressured into a relationship you don't want, but I also don't want you to say no now and regret it later. You're allowed to just be friends for now until you figure out what you're okay and comfortable with.


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