Hi! I know I'm totally a newbie here, but I already adore this forum and plan on spending a lot of time here now! 
But anyways, to the point: My mother, sister, and I are very close. For 4 years I've had a bestfriend in Texas and my mother trusts her completely now and we talk about her all the time, she knows we're seriously BFFs and is supportive of that. This friend, Shelby, is a mutual close-friend of my boyfriend in Virginia who I've been dating for 6 months and known for 5 years now and Shelby is very supportive of our relationship.
However, my mother has only known about my boyfriend, who she thinks is just a friend, for a year. Because of this I think she thinks I'm lying when I mention being BFFs with him for 5 years, which I understand, but mine and my mothers closeness is built on my fairly-constant honesty so I don't know if she doubts me or not.
She has never said it directly but she's made it pretty obvious she doesn't approve of me talking to him because she is not as familiar with him as she is with Shelby. He's sent me a Christmas gift once and she let him know our address for this, but she doesn't want us to videochat or talk on the phone. (which makes no sense and is sooo stressful for me and him)
The main point is, I feel like my mother is not being fair about this like she was with Shelby all this time, and is making bad judgements about my boyfriend without me even saying anything wrong. Is this just because he is a guy?
I want her to know I love my boyfriend as much as I love Shelby and that he is indeed my boyfriend and not simply a friend, but how can I do this when she acts like she hates him for no reason at all? I always mention funny or nice things about him and have never given her a reason not to like him, she just doesn't. It wouldn't be so stressful and depressing for me to lie about him as a boyfriend if she liked him as a friend, but she hates him. My sister is neutral about him and has already correctly guessed/joked that he is my boyfriend, so I don't see why my mom can't be happy for me too or bring him up at least. I know she is protective BUT she trusts Shelby so its unfair.
I just don't know how to get my mother to feel better about us being friends, and the fact she won't hurts me pretty deeply. I have been trying to let time work its magic and keep mentioning nice things about him to make her more comfortable, but the thought of waiting 4 or 5 years just for my mother to warm up to him sounds like torture. I want her to know now, because I love her and respect her. How can I get her to like him without the two interacting??
But anyways, to the point: My mother, sister, and I are very close. For 4 years I've had a bestfriend in Texas and my mother trusts her completely now and we talk about her all the time, she knows we're seriously BFFs and is supportive of that. This friend, Shelby, is a mutual close-friend of my boyfriend in Virginia who I've been dating for 6 months and known for 5 years now and Shelby is very supportive of our relationship.
However, my mother has only known about my boyfriend, who she thinks is just a friend, for a year. Because of this I think she thinks I'm lying when I mention being BFFs with him for 5 years, which I understand, but mine and my mothers closeness is built on my fairly-constant honesty so I don't know if she doubts me or not.
She has never said it directly but she's made it pretty obvious she doesn't approve of me talking to him because she is not as familiar with him as she is with Shelby. He's sent me a Christmas gift once and she let him know our address for this, but she doesn't want us to videochat or talk on the phone. (which makes no sense and is sooo stressful for me and him)
The main point is, I feel like my mother is not being fair about this like she was with Shelby all this time, and is making bad judgements about my boyfriend without me even saying anything wrong. Is this just because he is a guy?
I want her to know I love my boyfriend as much as I love Shelby and that he is indeed my boyfriend and not simply a friend, but how can I do this when she acts like she hates him for no reason at all? I always mention funny or nice things about him and have never given her a reason not to like him, she just doesn't. It wouldn't be so stressful and depressing for me to lie about him as a boyfriend if she liked him as a friend, but she hates him. My sister is neutral about him and has already correctly guessed/joked that he is my boyfriend, so I don't see why my mom can't be happy for me too or bring him up at least. I know she is protective BUT she trusts Shelby so its unfair.
I just don't know how to get my mother to feel better about us being friends, and the fact she won't hurts me pretty deeply. I have been trying to let time work its magic and keep mentioning nice things about him to make her more comfortable, but the thought of waiting 4 or 5 years just for my mother to warm up to him sounds like torture. I want her to know now, because I love her and respect her. How can I get her to like him without the two interacting??
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