Teens First Love Doubts

[melarie]

OK, so my LDB and I have been together for nearly 10 months now and lately we've been having some issues. Nothing too bad, things are just getting a little boring, probably because we're spending so much time "together." Today we were talking and the fact that we're both each other's first relationship came up. Basically saying that, since we don't have experience with other people, how do we know this is real and is gonna last? My biggest concern with that is that we're going to spend all this money visiting only to figure out that it's not right. And seeing as I'm really conservative with money, that really bothers me.

There's also the fact that it could be a long time still until we do meet in person. Once we have the money, would we be able to take time off work, etc? We're both worried that we might not be able to handle a really long wait.

Now, we kinda of discussed taking a break and seeing other people, to get a little more experience and kinda test out feelings, but neither of us really wants to, and I'm kind of afraid that I won't even be able to find someone else to go out with (and by that, I mean during our break, not in general) ... I keep going back and forth between it being a good idea and a horrible idea. We were thinking instead, maybe we should just cut back on the time we spend "together" and each make an effort to hang out with friends more, and maybe that would make things a little easier, give us time to miss each other, give us more things to talk about... But it doesn't fix the doubts we're both having sooo... Suggestions? Experiences? Anything that might help?

[Goyangi]

Once upon a time I had a boyfriend. He was my first boyfriend. And I thought I loved him. We believed we we were destined to be married. We were both 17.

Needless to say, it didn't work out. He couldn't handle me leaving for Basic Training, so he dumped me the day before I left. But it was okay, even if I didn't think so at the time. If I was still with him, I wouldn't have met my current SO who has shown me I am capable of a depth of love that I never even imagined. I suppose I don't have any stunning piece of wisdom here, but I will say every time it didn't work out and I was heartbroken and convinced I'd never find any one else as possibly nice/loving/handsome/whatever adjective and no one else would ever be able to feel the same... I would always meet another person to prove me wrong.

I will also say that the fear of being alone (and I have DEFINITELY been there) is generally a weak reason to stay with your SO. Perhaps you two are going through a "dry spell", like most relationships experience. I definitely believe these sorts of things can be worked through/improved with some positive communication - but that is what'll define you're relationship. The ability to work through these periods OR deciding they are unworkable and moving on, are relationship defining. So work it out. Or don't. Or try, and if it fails anyway, it fails anyway. It will basically boil down to what you want/need out of a relationship.

[Sora1101]

I don't really have any helpful advice but this. Not everyone needs to date a ton of people to know their SO's are the one, or at least the one's they want to be with at that current moment. Why take a break and see other people when you both don't want to? If you're feeling bored in your relationship take a couple of personal days and do whatever you want and contact your SO as little as possible. At the end of lets say a week, you should be dying to talk/see your SO again.

And about the money visiting your SO. Think of it this way, all the money you're going to spend on a visit would be around equivalent to how much you would spend going on dates once/twice a week, it just seems like more because its a larger lump sum. And if you plan your visit well in advance if you're only visiting for a week or two you can request that time off of work in advance as well and have time for your manager to find someone who will cover your shifts.

[melarie]

I don't really have any helpful advice but this. Not everyone needs to date a ton of people to know their SO's are the one, or at least the one's they want to be with at that current moment. Why take a break and see other people when you both don't want to? If you're feeling bored in your relationship take a couple of personal days and do whatever you want and contact your SO as little as possible. At the end of lets say a week, you should be dying to talk/see your SO again.

And about the money visiting your SO. Think of it this way, all the money you're going to spend on a visit would be around equivalent to how much you would spend going on dates once/twice a week, it just seems like more because its a larger lump sum. And if you plan your visit well in advance if you're only visiting for a week or two you can request that time off of work in advance as well and have time for your manager to find someone who will cover your shifts.

Thanks I guess we kind of took a day off yesterday, compared to our normal routine. He went out with friends and when he came back I think I was watching tv and cooking with my mom, so we just IM'd a bit, then I ate and went and visited my sister. By the time I got home, he missed me so much he couldn't sleep.

We've pretty much worked through it now. I think we both just got a little freaked out. But I thought it over for a while and we talked and we're going to forget about the fact that we may not last forever and enjoy what we have, because we do love each other. There's just been some strain lately because he started a new program, so he's gone every day and I've been gone every weekend until this one. So it's like, when one of us is in the mood to spend time together, the other is gone, and by the time we're together we're both tired and bored and it's not any fun. But now that we're both trying to get our social lives back on track, I think it'll be better. He'll have some alone time while I'm out and we'll have more things to talk about, and we'll generally be in better moods.