I've been in multiple long-distance relationships. I'm 17, and in six-ish months I'll be 18. I've had three really important ones - well, I'm in my third now. Every time it ends, something shifts inside me. The first time, she ended it because, I guess, she couldn't handle the stress and didn't want me to receive that from her all the time, and she was, well, really bad at communicating while she was stressed. So I didn't hear from her for weeks on end. I was so desperate, so new to love back then. So desperately sure that this would be the end-all, be-all of my relationships. We were so similar, and I was made happier by being with her.
But I thought I couldn't survive the relationship ending that way, with her ending it like she did. But I did survive. I was sure I'd never love someone as much or as hard. But I did. Moreso, maybe. I got into various things, and sort of bounced from person to person emotionally as I recovered from the first relationship. But I made friends, and one stuck through with me and vice versa, and eventually we got into a relationship, agreeing that if one would be happier without the relationship, either of us could leave it any time. And yet despite that, we both assured each other we wouldn't leave.
I wasn't the one that left. For some reason, she eventually decided it was better to not do the relationship anymore, and it was a hard pill to swallow.. It was so hard to have believed her, and then for her to go back on a lot of it with her actions. Trust is harder for me now... But I've learned that I want a person to be happy on their own before being with me. Love, emotions... that's harder for me, too. I used to be so romantic, so loving, desperate and caring and always there and vying for ANY time at all with the other person that I could get. I've lost some of that raw emotion; pieces have been chipped away, I guess. I'm not sure if I'll keep much of the intensity I once had if I lose this third relationship. The girl from the second relationship is my best friend still, and I've gotten over the bitterness, and we still talk. But it still doesn't make sense to me... All I can try to do is be grateful that she ended it, if she thought it was going to become a bad relationship, especially since I've found someone healthy to love.
She's happy on her own, and happier with me. I'm not a victim from those past relationships, no. I'm sure both me and my SO's did or said some dumb stuff. I'm sorta venting right now and rambling, forgive me! :P But anyways. I have a point to this. Kind of. The big thing is, I'm going to see my current SO in a few days, visiting her for 11 days. Sometimes I'm excited, but not nearly as excited as I used to get when my first long distance SO came online. Am I feeling less, or have a shell, or some walls? I 'dunno... But I've got faith it'll work out.
Especially with my SO's help, and her seemingly eternal kindness towards me.
*bows* Thank you, LFAD, for listening!
But I thought I couldn't survive the relationship ending that way, with her ending it like she did. But I did survive. I was sure I'd never love someone as much or as hard. But I did. Moreso, maybe. I got into various things, and sort of bounced from person to person emotionally as I recovered from the first relationship. But I made friends, and one stuck through with me and vice versa, and eventually we got into a relationship, agreeing that if one would be happier without the relationship, either of us could leave it any time. And yet despite that, we both assured each other we wouldn't leave.
I wasn't the one that left. For some reason, she eventually decided it was better to not do the relationship anymore, and it was a hard pill to swallow.. It was so hard to have believed her, and then for her to go back on a lot of it with her actions. Trust is harder for me now... But I've learned that I want a person to be happy on their own before being with me. Love, emotions... that's harder for me, too. I used to be so romantic, so loving, desperate and caring and always there and vying for ANY time at all with the other person that I could get. I've lost some of that raw emotion; pieces have been chipped away, I guess. I'm not sure if I'll keep much of the intensity I once had if I lose this third relationship. The girl from the second relationship is my best friend still, and I've gotten over the bitterness, and we still talk. But it still doesn't make sense to me... All I can try to do is be grateful that she ended it, if she thought it was going to become a bad relationship, especially since I've found someone healthy to love.
She's happy on her own, and happier with me. I'm not a victim from those past relationships, no. I'm sure both me and my SO's did or said some dumb stuff. I'm sorta venting right now and rambling, forgive me! :P But anyways. I have a point to this. Kind of. The big thing is, I'm going to see my current SO in a few days, visiting her for 11 days. Sometimes I'm excited, but not nearly as excited as I used to get when my first long distance SO came online. Am I feeling less, or have a shell, or some walls? I 'dunno... But I've got faith it'll work out.
Especially with my SO's help, and her seemingly eternal kindness towards me. *bows* Thank you, LFAD, for listening!
Comment