Teens making rules for your partner?

[Jansen]

My boyfriend is going to move to an other country for university and we had the idea of writing each other a list of things we don't want the other one to do, kinda like rules.

Sure my first point is:
1. Don't cheat on me!
2. Don't sleep in the same bed with a girl
3. .....

But after a few points I was wondering what else should be on the list. What wouldnt you want your boyfriend\girlfriend to do?

[princessmaria]

I would just reinforce that you two stay honest and open with one another. I wouldn't necessarily write up a list or rules because he may feel smothered, or if he does end up breaking one of them he will most likely not feel comfortable enough telling you. If things become difficult for him he should be able to come to you and tell you how he's feeling, and have you two work out a solution for a problem. I guess my advice would be to let it come day by day and just reassure him that he can be open and honest with you. Make sure that you two have a viable source of communication and work on making time for each other everyday, things like that. I definitely don't suggest coming to him with a list of rules. Good luck!

Edit: I agree with Kristin. It should be an unspoken rule that your partner not cheat or sleep with someone else. If you're afraid of him doing those two things, you have more important things to address with him before he leaves.

[Shepard-Fowkes]

I don't think you'll really need input on this list. These aren't my boundaries you want to be outlining, they're yours . So focus on that aspect of it. I think it would be a good idea to elaborate on what "don't cheat on me!" means to you. Of course at first it sounds straightforward, but you don't want to have a situation months down the line where you're incredibly hurt by something your SO did and doesn't see as cheating. Not sleeping in the same bed with a girl is a good example of that. Decide whether kissing, hugging, cuddling, flirting, etc is okay with you and, if it isn't, add it to your list!

You might also want to have a standard for how often you two want to communicate, and how you want to communicate. Because he's in school, you'll have to be a little flexible with this at times. Talk with him about what he thinks will be a reasonable amount of time to talk to each other in a day or a week, how often you want to call, how often you want to skype, etc.

[Ejoriah]

My rules for when I'm away from my boyfriend:
- Feed the cat
- Clean out the litterbox once a day
- Let me know if you won't be able to make our skype dates

I'm pretty sure my "rules" won't help you like others have mentioned it's a personal thing and you need to figure out what you're ok or not ok with. For instance I'm ok with my boyfriend having dinner one on one with the opposite sex, because if he tells me they're just friends I trust him (it has only happened once so far though). He trusts me to hang out with male friends and even crash on male friends' couch if we're out drinking and it's not possible for me to get safely back to my place. It works for us, but it doesn't have to work for you. Every relationship has different limits. The only way to figure them out is to constantly communicate with your SO.

[libelle]

I think it is a nice idea to have a good talk before he leaves, in order to make it clear where the relationship is at now for both of you and what you both expect from it ) But if you want to make rules, in my opinion the very basics of a ldr aren't any different than those of a cdr, and in general the ones of any successful relationship - honesty, trust, respect, making time for the other one and making them feel special Same as with "dont cheat on me", you wouldnt want your partner to cheat you at a ldr any more than you would want them to cheat on you at a cdr, right?

[snow]

We do have a set of rules or rather agreements, but they are meant for the relationship, not just when we're LD.

I think it's a good idea to talk about it and see if you're both on the same page: don't cheat on me basically means that you're exclusive, when you're CD or LD.

HOWEVER:
If you want to put up a list of rules you should do it in a positive way rather than a negative - it's easier to remember too:
(I read somewhere the human brain likes to cancel out the don't and only remember what it says after that :P)
Instead of "Don't cheat on me" - "Remember we're exclusive!"
Instead of "Don't sleep in the same bed as a girl" - "Sleep on your own!"
etc.