Teens I'm 14 Is it too young? Please read.

[lozza480]

Hey there! Before I begin you should know a few facts: I'm 14, turning 15 in May, and he is 17 turning 18 in October, that puts us in a 2 and a half year age gap, which may seem bad now, but as I get older, the gap doesn't seem as bad, for example; My parents have that age gap, and have been happily married for 24 years, but the age right now, does seem bit of a fault, another fault is that we live 2 hours away from each other, though he owns a car, and is happy to drive that far to see me. So, we met on a 15 day cruise, and we were just really close friends, we laughed all the time, spent all our time together, and I really started to like him, but thought we just had a "best friend" relationship. It wasn't until after the cruise we admitted that we had feelings for each other. He is really respectful, and also Christian, and we both share the same religion. Considering he is in year 12, we decided to wait 3 terms until he is finished school,until we are officially dating. He always sends long paragraphs saying how much he "loves" me. I'm at a young age, so I am unsure if "love" is the right word. My parents, and his parents, are both well aware of our relationship, and are fine with it. So the cruise ended 3 weeks ago, and we've been texting non stop, a week ago, we met at the cricket, for and hour we spoke and laughed, no awkward moments, he asked if I wanted to kiss. I said no. Because I have never kissed anyone before, and he respected my decision, and still messages me every day and night, and tell me how much he loves me. Again, we aren't officially dating, we are 2 and a half years apart, and he lives 2 hours away. I'm just asking for your opinion, Is this love or lust? Am I doing the right thing? Please be as open, and honest with your answers as you want. Thanks in advance

[blankita719]

So I'm not a teen but I need to say that yes, you are too young. I know you think the age difference isn't all that much and when you are 20 and he's 22 you will be right. But at 14 going on 15 and him being almost 18 it is a problem. And in many places, illegal. Be friends. That's fine. But you should not be in a relationship with someone that age when you are so young.

And I know already there will be people that have stories about how it worked out for them. Those are the minority. This bigger picture here is the legality of this relationship.

[Hollandia]

Hey there! Before I begin you should know a few facts: I'm 14, turning 15 in May, and he is 17 turning 18 in October, that puts us in a 2 and a half year age gap, which may seem bad now, but as I get older, the gap doesn't seem as bad, for example; My parents have that age gap, and have been happily married for 24 years, but the age right now, does seem bit of a fault, another fault is that we live 2 hours away from each other, though he owns a car, and is happy to drive that far to see me. So, we met on a 15 day cruise, and we were just really close friends, we laughed all the time, spent all our time together, and I really started to like him, but thought we just had a "best friend" relationship. It wasn't until after the cruise we admitted that we had feelings for each other. He is really respectful, and also Christian, and we both share the same religion. Considering he is in year 12, we decided to wait 3 terms until he is finished school,until we are officially dating. He always sends long paragraphs saying how much he "loves" me. I'm at a young age, so I am unsure if "love" is the right word. My parents, and his parents, are both well aware of our relationship, and are fine with it. So the cruise ended 3 weeks ago, and we've been texting non stop, a week ago, we met at the cricket, for and hour we spoke and laughed, no awkward moments, he asked if I wanted to kiss. I said no. Because I have never kissed anyone before, and he respected my decision, and still messages me every day and night, and tell me how much he loves me. Again, we aren't officially dating, we are 2 and a half years apart, and he lives 2 hours away. I'm just asking for your opinion, Is this love or lust? Am I doing the right thing? Please be as open, and honest with your answers as you want. Thanks in advance

I am not a teen either, so take my advice with a grain of salt if you wish.

It sounds like sweet young puppy love. As long as he respects your choices you two are both willing to wait till your are older to become physical, I don't see a problem.That is where the legal line happens. I think that you are both acting quite mature in this situation and that is a great sign. LDR's are hard and at some point one of you might meet someone local, be prepared for that. If you stay close perhaps some years down the road you might be ready for a more adult relationship. It is good that you see that you are not ready for that at this point. Enjoy the close friendship you have with each other, with no pressure for more and whatever is meant to be will be in time.

[differentcountries]

When I was 15 I dated a 19 year old, we both attended a boarding school. He was genuinely nice to me. For various reasons it did not work out. I still have good memories from it though. What I would like to say is that at 14 -15, many folks and especially girls, don't know who they are or what they want. Take time to explore that. Explore your own sexuality. No, he is not strangely lustful just because he wants to kiss you. Just make sure you take things slow. Your parents knowing is a good thing. I don't see the point of waiting to officially date. Since you are not having sex, legal limits don't apply. And in a short time you will be all legal, too. The thing is, how do you feel about him, and how do you feel about yourself? That is important.

[PikaRee]

, Is this love or lust? Am I doing the right thing?

Just by asking this, I am assuming you are not ready to take a step further. You are doing the right thing by making mature decisions which is great to see. The fact that he respects your decision is a great sign too. However, just take your time with him, because trying to figure out whether it is lust or love will put unnecessary stress on yourself. With time, you will understand whether you love him for who he is.

[wayoutofhere]

I was 16 and my boyfriend turned 20 when we started talking and at some point started dating so the age cap is even bigger than for you two.

You don't have to rush into a relationship, keep talking, have a good time and see how it goes. If you aren't comfortable with something, don't do it. As you said, your parents are fine with you two so I don't see anything bad in it.

[lilcupcake]

when i was 14, i dated a 20 year old. I ended up going a little further than i was comfortable with, because i knew he wasn't a child and i thought i needed to. and no amount of "youre mature for your age" changes that i was just a kid. Just make sure you stop and think about it before you go further, and make sure it's what YOU want, not something you're just doing for him. He seems like a good guy from what you've told us, and i dont think he would have a problem with it if you told him you didn't want to.

Don't worry yourself with love or lust. you don't need to even have serious relationships until you know where you belong in the world, and who you are. I have friends who have graduated high school years ago and their heads are still spinning. And there is nothing wrong with that. the world is a big place, and you're just one person. Explore, find out what you like and dislike, and keep growing. i can't say if he loves you or not, although from what im getting out of your story you havent known each other very long. Remember that you're young and have a lot of life left to live. and living life changes you. if he does love you today, who can say he will still love who you have become by the time youre 20?

[BagOfPenguins]

when i had just turned 15 I started dating a guy who was 18 and we were a couple for 4 years, I don't think the ago difference has to be a problem. The most important part is that he doesn't make you do anything you're not comfortable doing. As long as that's not the case, I really don't see a problem. But you seem a little overwhelmed, so if an actual relationship is something that you don't feel comfortable doing at this point in your life that's perfectly fine, too.

[laurenandjames9]

I was 16 and James was 18 when we first started talking. We had been speaking for 3 months before we started going out and met a month after that. In my relationship, the age gap doesn't always feel like a major issue. Of course you will both want things at different times, but that is natural. I think people are saying you are too young, because you still have a lot of time to grow up. There is no need to rush things, keep talking to him, get to know him more, meet him and do fun things together and see what happens. Being in a long distance relationship is very hard, and only being 14 will make it even harder. If you ever need to talk, just message me. I am always here.



Lauren
-Hope is the only thing stronger than fear-

[piratemama]

You sound very mature in some of your thoughts. It's good that you didn't rush into anything physical, and it's also a good sign that he respected your wishes. You recognize that you are young, and you are being careful, so the age difference shouldn't matter. If he were older and pushing you to do things you didn't want, that would be awful.

It's hard to tell if it's love. Heck, it's hard for someone as old as me to know the difference sometimes. There was another thread about how to tell if it's love or not, but I couldn't find it just now. Don't worry about the label, but enjoy the relationship and take time getting to know one another.

[Deleted]

Hi there!

I'd like to preface this with the fact that I'm also 14 (turned 14 last October) and my SO turned 16 last May.

To me, it sounds like a good relationship so far. I would continue taking things slowly and seeing how things progress. I think it was smart for you to trust your own judgement and be in touch with yourself and your own limits, and it is good that he respected your own boundaries. In the end, (and I'm not saying that this is true for all cases) I think that it mostly all boils down to your real, 'internal' age.

Maybe you'll have that moment in the future when you think "wow, it's love..." and then you'll know!

I'm always here to talk if you need help

-Lori

[bethyylovee]

First of all, if everything you say is true to situation, he sounds very respectful and caring of your feelings and decisions.

When Stephen and I first started talking online, I was 16 and he was 22. I lied to him and told him that I was 18 because I wanted him to talk to me. After truth came to light and he found out my age, we had already been talking months, he told me he wanted to marry me, and we were literally talking every waking moment of the day. He was not happy when he found out, don't get me wrong. He felt betrayed and hurt and thought I was lying about more. After a while things went back to normal. He still wanted to be with me forever and marry me and took VERY VERY close care to what we talked about. As a strong Christian himself, he and his parents decided that if God is sending you someone, it's for a reason. And we definitely felt we were meant to be. So we decided that for the better, we would not meet until I was 18. He waited patiently, as did I, and neither of us ever strayed. We continued talking, falling more in love, and talking about marriage. And like I said before, we were very careful about our discussions, and he was very good about not over stepping boundaries. Almost five years later, we're 8 months shy of our wedding day, and I've still never doubted that we'd be together forever.

All that being said, I was still VERY young. No matter how the outcome, I look back and can not believe I was stupid enough to talk about marriage with a man who was far older, that I had just met, AND that I had never even met in person. We were lucky, but not all people are. I feel like you are still very young, and like others have said, yes when you're in your twenties it won't sound bad, but that's also because you will be much older, have a better understanding of what your want in life, and can make better decisions.

Although I wouldn't change mine and Stephen's history for a moment, I don't advise anyone to do things the way I did.

[Sarah96]

I think because of the age difference it's really up to you two AND your parents. You say your parents are aware and okay with the relationship, that's a start. Although, the relationship may not be completely legal. Like many others have said, stay friends until you have reached the age of consent/18 whichever comes first/is legal (I'm not fully aware of laws). You are correct that an age gap isn't a big deal when you're older. Personally, I met my boyfriend a few months after turning 17 and he was 21. Now that I'm 18 it doesn't matter that he's 22 and will be 23 in a few months since legal issues aren't a problem, BUT there are major differences. I'm still in school and he's not. We both notice that we aren't always looking for the same things in the relationship, so the age gap is a big deal when you're younger.

But the most important thing is what you two want. If you can work around those things and be safe/legal and happy, then I wish you both the best. But take into consideration everything that may possibly get in the way of the relationship and decide if you're ready for it.

[kittyxuchiha11]

I have a 3 year age gap in my relationship, her being the younger one. The thing about age gap relationships is there are a lot of people who really really look down on them and try to make it out that it's the worst thing to get involved with, when really it's not. As people have said maturity is a lot to do with it and you do seem quite mature.

Addressing your question about is it love or lust, well i don't think you can really know that this early on, you know. If he isn't forcing you to do anything you're uncomfortable with and you feel like you may have strong feels such as love for him just from you to talking, then obviously it isn't lust.

I'd say one of the most important things in any relationship is trusting each other, especially when in an age gap relationship. You need to be comfortable around him and let him know how you feel and not let him pressure you into anything because you feel you need to do that for him. Just because he is older than you does not mean he can pressure you into anything. No one should be able to do that. But, since he seems to be very kind and understanding, that shouldn't be a problem. It will become very apparent in a matter of time if your relationship will work out and if you really are in love

[JeCummings]

Ah! Well, just be sure not to send each other naked photos as that constitutes as "child pornography". Lewd media of any sort can be misinterpreted by one's parent and/or guardian and direct one to the nearest jail-cell. Anyway, you should start playing video games since I bet he's a gamer guy and plays League of Legends or something like that.