Teens How has school affected your relationship?

[007manyo]

Hi, I'm Alex and I'm 18 years old. I met my girlfriend online about 3 years ago. We've been on and off for various reasons but just recently we decided to be with each other. However, I'm taking college courses online, and will be starting at university in the fall. Being inexperienced, I just wanted to ask any other college-level teens or young adults: how has college affected your LDR?

[Kristin91]

I was in a LDR with my SO for my entire college career. The big thing was making time to talk at night and on weekends. Sometimes I would pass up time with friends to Skype, but it was the best way to help my relationship. The other thing is communicating about your needs and expectations. Both of you will have changing needs and expectations as the year goes on, and it's important to talk about them so one person doesn't feel neglected.

[TooFarAway]

I started dating my boyfriend during my last year of highschool and I'm starting my second year of university this September. My relationship affected my school LOL. I was a straight A student but then when I fell in love, my grades fell a significant amount. I was too focused on my relationship and really didn't know how to balance my time because he is my first boyfriend T-T. It was hard to be away from him. I wanted to talk to him all the time xD
I'm determined to change that this year. >_< School is very important.

[RachelAnne]

The most important thing is finding a balance..you have to enjoy being in college, and making new friends, but you also need to focus on school AND keeping communication and love alive in your relationship. It isn't always easy, but being open about your differing wants and needs is extremely important. Just talk with your SO and remember to make time for each other. Good luck!

[Alle1770]

It was the same for me as for TooFarAway - my relationship affected my school, haha. We didn't see each other often, but when we did I basically stopped all kinds of studying during the weeks he was here, turned in assignments at the last possible minute and writing them the hour before, went to bed way too late because I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible which even resulted in me calling in "sick" a few times too many. My last year of High School I got my first F (as in I didn't pass the course/class) ever - before then I'd been a straight-A student as well.

So don't make that same mistake! Don't let your relationship affect your school. I regret it today, even though the visits were awesome it's been putting me under a lot of stress. My tip would be the same as the above, make sure you find some kind of balance. And don't feel bad to tell your SO you need to study - I know it's harsh and might be unthinkable, but if you and your SO don't stick together for eternity, your education will still be there as a solid base to stand on, while your SO might not be.

[squeeker]

Yes as the previous posters have mentioned, you need to find the right balance. You both have to be committed to trying to make the relationship work, and set aside time to communicate via whatever means is possible (Skype or other video chatting platforms are ideal unless you are away from the computer, then either texting or Facebook/messaging apps depending on your phone plan and whether it's better to text or use wifi or data for other messaging apps). But you also have to know when you need to set aside time for study, because you want to do as good as you can at university/college/school. And sometimes you will likely be busier than others and you have to communicate this to your partner to help them understand that you want to talk to them but really have to get an assignment done or study for a test that's coming up quick. Sometimes it might even be needed to participate in non essential college activities that might help a resume or maybe if you are the type that likes to socialize with other people, but this makes it harder to communicate and even more important to set aside time to talk and make sure you communicate with each other and stay in touch with each other and keep making each other feel as important as you can.

[Emerald]

It has made it kind of hard to keep up constant communication. I met my SO a year and a half ago and we have texted back and forth nonstop ever since, so its kind of weird for us to go even hours without talking. Its been really hard especially this summer because I am a Design major and am taking a VERY rigorous course this summer and have new projects everyday. There have been some days that we haven't gotten to talk AT ALL and it was really hard on both of us. On top of all that, we both have jobs and have to work late into the night, so the biggest struggle is just having time to talk to each other, but we manage. We talk on the phone whenever we get a chance and send each other texts just to say hi even if we are busy. BUT college has also positively affected our relationship because we met on an anxiety website and he was asking a question regarding college because he was thinking of dropping out because he was miserable there but I convinced him to stick with college but consider transferring somewhere else and now he just paid the deposit and is transferring to my university in the fall, so yay!

[kittyxuchiha11]

I'm in college just now and my SO is still at school. it's been nearly a year and a half we've been dating and i'd say school does sort of get in the way but as long as you put time aside to talk and spend time together you can actually manage the two quite well. the biggest problems for us is that our times off don't match up at all apart from at summer so actually going to visit each other is massive pain. but apart from the factor of finding time to physically spend time together it can be pretty easy to put time aside for your SO. we have a time difference of 5 hours and we're pretty much under the agreement that on days where i have class we only talk until 1 or 2am my time and since we've both agreed that actually getting enough sleep to function is kinda important neither of us gets annoyed when i have to go when it's still early for her.
As everyone above me has said it's just a matter of getting a combination of everything right. you have to have your time for your SO, obviously enough hours of sleep to work well on and then time to hang out with friends. if you get that all sorted out everything will pretty much be okay :3

[alittlemind]

I don't think my relationship affected my schooling, or vice versa. My boyfriend and I went long distance a month before I started college. We would pretty much spend from when he got home from school (highschool) to when I went to sleep on skype, but not all of that we would be talking, so I would do my school work while on skype. Or, I would take advantage of the time I was home and he was at school to do my work. Sometimes we would even help each other out with our school work (i.e. proof-reading essays, or figuring out a tough question together). Just remember to stay focused on getting your work done, as your schooling (and your grades) is your key to a good future, and a future with your SO. Also remember that it is okay to tell your SO "I need to get this work done, I'll talk with you in an hour or two", and your SO will probably have to say the same thing every once in a while.

[lucybelle]

I'm sure this will be an unpopular opinion, but the old saying "never go into college with a partner" is SO TRUE. I was with my ex-boyfriend of over a year when I started college. He was the love of my life and we were in it for the long haul and were going to be together forever (of course). He stayed behind in my home city and worked. I went home to see him almost every weekend. My social life in college suffered hugely because of it. I made very few friends my first year because I was always talking to him, going home to see him, etc. Of course we eventually broke up near the end of my freshman year and I had very few friends. I went to very few campus events. I really missed that "Freshman experience".

So yeah, that's my opinion. Don't continue a relationship your first year of college.

[lyonsgirl]

I'm in the same boat as LB. I went into college sort-of with a boyfriend. I say sort-of because we dated for 3 years in HS, but then I wanted to be single when I started college and see what happened. I didn't break it off well, and we talked regularly. And we got back together within the month. Anyway, I didn't do the college freshman things that I would have otherwise done - parties, basketball band, etc.

Luckily, I couldn't go home to see him every weekend because I didn't have a car - and school was 8 hours from him - and I was in marching band so my Saturdays were always 100% busy. But, I can only imagine what my freshman year experience would have been like had I truly been single. (Ftr, I broke up with that guy a few weeks into sophomore year. And then 5 days after we ended our 3+ year relationship he slept with some chick he had known for a while.)

[AngelStar17]

My boyfriend starts school today and as are LDR is UK-USA the 6 hour time diffrence will make it hard becuase he gets home at 3pm and that means it will be 9pm for me :/ i dont mind staying up late at night right now as its still my summer holidays but when I go back to school in September it will be because I need my sleep luckily we have the weekend but im so used to speaking to him everyday it will be really hard when I go back to school and only being able to speak at weekends