Teens Mother Not So Approving

[LillyDove]

So, I am 17 and yes I am young. I have been in a long distance relationship for four months now and I have told my mother about it about three months ago. I told her because I was tired of her making comments like "how do you know he isn't a 30 year old man?" Or "You are just wasting your time with this guy," or "How do you know he isn't a pedophile?"

I sat her down and told her about him, his age, which is 6 years older than I am. Where he lives and what his name is, that he is a sophomore in college there in his country and that I care about him. She 'seemed' to understand that he isn't a bad person then, but when I mentioned him coming to visit next summer she kept saying it was a bad idea. I also told her that it would be a good idea for her to talk to him through Skype and she just barely acknowledged the suggestion. She did say that we would figure out a way to get him here next summer but still thinks it's a bad idea. I would really like her support but she seems to not really care about it. With my dad being someone who I have not told for reasons that are better left unsaid, I just really need her support but she is set on not giving it.

It won't be that much of a problem after this year, I will have graduated high school and should have a job to pay for plane tickets to visit him twice or three times a year, hopefully. It would all be so much easier if she was supportive though.

How do I get her to support us? How do I convince her that it will work?

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

Getting a parents support is difficult, mostly because they want to protect you, and in LDR's they don't feel they can't really protect you. But, I suggest you show her this website, specifically the success stories. That may show her that LDR's are capable of working out.

I also suggest giving her time. She may come around.

The video chatting with your bf was a great idea, maybe you should suggest it again. If she is able to see him and talk to him she may become more comfortable with the idea of you being in a relationship with him.

Hope this helps! Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to about it, I'm 17 as well and dating an older guy (3 years difference) so I may be able to understand.

[RachelAnne]

I know it's frustrating, but you're still her baby and she just wants to protect you. I waited until I was 18 to tell my mom about my SO, hoping she'd think I was finally old enough to meet him. We did meet that summer after both our parents got in contact with each other. I like the idea of having your mom meet him on video chat, maybe you should bring the idea up again. Be patient with her and she should come around. Good luck!

[CynicalQuixotic]

I think your mother is just worried about you. There is a big difference between 17 and 23. I'm 23 and just in a completely different universe than someone who is 17 in terms of life experience. Even if you two are the exception to the rule, it will take a bit to convince your mom of that. Short of having your mother and your boyfriend Skype and waiting it out, there's not much you can do to make your mom approve of your relationship.

I ask this in the nicest way possible: what kind of job are you planning to get with only a high school diploma to be able to afford to spend at least $2400 year on transatlantic airplane tickets? You probably wouldn't even be able to get the time off to go that many times a year.

[LillyDove]

I plan on being a vet, I don't think it will be the entire summer probably a month. So around half of the the summer, I already have around 500 USD that I'm saving for a ticket. With an extra job or two to help add to the savings then I think it would work. He is also planning on visiting for holidays with his money so it's not such a huge goal.