Teens Is it a LDR ? is there any hope ?

[Ayoub Ahabchane]

After a friendship that got so strong within a year, and multiple sings and personal life factors, i decided to ask her, not for a relationship -my religion prohibits it- but i wanted her to promise me that now one would betroth her until i do.

now, the problem is that her answers whenever i open the topic -her feeling toward me, our situation- get so confusing, here are some examples:

- That's really hard and unbelievable...Actually, I've just read our conversation. and i am really seeing things differently...my sister told me that there is a risque that i might lose you if we get involved in this, and you know well that i do not want that to happen...i am glad that you didn't ask me to get in a relationship! that would be so embarrassing -religious issues- So hell yeah, i dun have to tell u "NO"...i see that we are really young, especially when it comes to planning and future...But i can promise you that I'll take all that in consideration (this supposed to mean that if ever someone asked me something -relationship or affiancing- , i wouldn't even think bout it -that means she accepts-, relax ) matter fact, this moment is beneficial so that each one of us can make sure of his feelings...You sure you love me?...you sure you want spend the rest of your life with someone you know just in the virtual world ?...i am afraid of falling for you...I admit that it's something great to be loved by Ayoub Ahabchane...

- Look, we're best friends and we know each others well + you're such a unique guy and i dun think that I'll find better than u (i mean as a "husband") I am sure that you can easily make me fall for you. I just don't want to get hurt... and i don't want to hurt you neither (that's' what i am afraid of) When i thought about it yestrday, i figured out that it's' not that bad I mean it might work... *staring at u*

- You have no idea how much i cried and giggled. It was literally unexpected. i am proud of you Ayoub i swear to god. I know well that it wasnt easy for you neither.. to say it -that i love her- and to ME *sigh* You absolutely have no idea bout what you mean to me...I simply adore you... you helped me alot ( and i hope i did too... ) I learned many things from you and we have much in common For the moment... We are still young to decide our future Maybe you're gonna change your opinion later.. Who knows? i am not freaking out but it's just that we don't know what's coming you see? If you think that everything will be okay, and if u really believe it...Then alright "M with you"

- I told you that i am not ready to have any relationship. All you asked me was to promise you that i am not gonna be with anyone else like in the future so i did. For the moment, we're best friends (well more than that of course.. )

- ...you also know that what you feel towards me isn't really mutual. But we said that it's okay, i mean you said what you had to say -about my feelings toward her- , i accepted it, but it's' all depending on the future...

- Ayoub,...Everything is possible ! I might fall for u BUT i just "might" I can't control my feelings...I dun feel pity on u ! AT ALL -because i asked her if the reason why she is keeping me some hopes is that she feels pity on me- !!! All i said is "alright, m not gonna get in any relationship neither with you nor with someone else + nothing is gonna change between us until we grow up. and if your feeling stay the same toward me. ask me one more time -if she wants to be with me- ..

- It doesn't mean I'm telling you to go away, just stay and give me some time. i can't guarantee you anything..if i had control over my feeling you would be the chosen one...

- your love for me is virtual, even though you say that u really love me + we cannot say it's teenage hallucinations because you are mature enough and it's not the first time you have a crush on someone, but if it wasn't real and it turned that it's just attraction, it will appear with time. that's why the time i asked will help us both. if we could stay in touch from now to a certain age, and nothing changed, it will be alright.

maybe i pretend not to notice the message there...i have no clue how am i supposed to feel right now sad/happy? should i have hope ? can i consider it a LDR? if you guys were standing in her shoes, what would be the real message you want to deliver under these lines?

[whatruckus]

I'm going to be honest, I glanced over it because it was so long, but I got the gist of it. It honestly seems that though, because you two are still in high school, this is a HUGE decision for her and she's not ready to commit to you. Especially forever. Now, I'm not too familiar with the Islam religion, but either way, she's not ready. She does seem to like you, which is a good sign, but you need to be realistic and realize that she is NOT ready to be so committed to you. Also, at such a young age, you can't expect her to promise herself to you forever.

You two are extremely young and you are rushing your feelings with her.

Also, it looks as though she doesn't like you enough to be romantic in any way and seems really confused.

[Ayoub Ahabchane]

You are right, i agree..it is just the fact that i honestly do not care about age i mean..for me, it does not depend on how long we live, but how much important experiences and crossroads we go through, that is why i look like rushing my feelings. i also want for my actual actions to be based on what i want in the future if you know what i mean..Thank you for the comment by the way i really needed to see it from another angle

[whatruckus]

You are right, i agree..it is just the fact that i honestly do not care about age i mean..for me, it does not depend on how long we live, but how much important experiences and crossroads we go through, that is why i look like rushing my feelings. i also want for my actual actions to be based on what i want in the future if you know what i mean..Thank you for the comment by the way i really needed to see it from another angle

Exactly, but that is how you feel. You need to take into consideration how she feels. Don't bring it up anymore with her. If she wants to talk about it, she'll talk about it when she's ready. Don't push the subject anymore, or try to force her to commit to you.

[Ayoub Ahabchane]

Is it okay if i brought it up this time just to apologize? because i honestly feel bad...the reason why i did is that..i don't wanna feel the pain after a love story anymore. what was enough for me to understand how prudent and aware i should be in these situation, i just didn't want anything to interrupt it..i wanted us to be exceptional...

[whatruckus]

Is it okay if i brought it up this time just to apologize? because i honestly feel bad...the reason why i did is that..i don't wanna feel the pain after a love story anymore. what was enough for me to understand how prudent and aware i should be in these situation, i just didn't want anything to interrupt it..i wanted us to be exceptional...

You can bring it up to apologize, but then after that, I wouldn't bring it up again. You can't force her to have feelings for you, or feel the same as you. And, like I said, you guys are really young. You have your whole lives to be together, should it happen, or you have plenty of time to find someone else who feels the same.

[Ayoub Ahabchane]

she said that she doesn't want to decide now because she is afraid of the fact that she might regret her decision in the future -and you know that future represents the surprise element for a lot of us-, whether it's a yes or no.

[Ayoub Ahabchane]

I finally got a yes !!!

[CanGirl]

She probably was tired of you pushing for her. It seems like you are claiming her. It's kindof sad really. Then again I don't agree with religions so I guess I stand completely outside of this but if I was 15 or 16(not sure how old she is) I wouldn't want someone to be pushing me to wait for them. Especially if I only have met them online. Secondly you are 16 and I know that it seems like you are grown up but please try to be careful. You haven't developed enough to know what you want in life. I've had a few boyfriends and thought the world of them at the time and was ready to get married but realize afterwards that that I was blind and didn't see the real person he was. I hope she doesn't feel bullied into this. Please be careful or she may resent you.

[Benjy]

This may be slightly harsh but this really has to be said and done.

The problem here is that she wants to see it as a relationship, let it be Islam or not. You need to see her point of view here, and don't be so extreme on your beliefs. It seems that she isn't of the same religious beliefs as you, so saying that you want to marry her is basically her now thinking this as literal - like as though she really thinks that she is going to be married; you need to understand that people like her need it to go into small stages for the security. I would just say that you are dating "as a relationship, bf/gf", say that to her and open that up to the public regardless of what you believe - this will make a positive impact - for her. This is all she wants from you; and to her it's like you're not accepting her and bringing her into a "friend-zone" state instead - a way of you dumping her or you wanting someone else. An atheist such as me still goes to funerals and celebrates Christmas, and there hasn't been any faults or bad consequences for that - so why can't you accept what she wants for a change? Couples need to have a 50:50 relationship, without any desire of control. If you want this to work, don't be so close minded and join your two beliefs together, as a couple; if you can't adapt to her beliefs as well as yours, you may not be able to last.