> Hi there! 
I’m Abbey and I’ve been a bit of a lurker on the LFAD forum for a couple of weeks. I’m currently in a LDR since February 14, 2014. My relationship with my boyfriend has been rough and rocky, but we know each other well, and we work hard on maintaining our relationship’s strength.
> Background:
(Feel free to skip to my question. The background might be a bit lengthy.)
So, my boyfriend’s name is Oliver. He is almost eighteen, (November 12) and I am fifteen. He lives in the liberal country of Denmark, while I consider myself caught in a more conservative and religious state known as Tennessee. We are 4,539 miles a part, and we are closer than the bonds of atoms (figuratively).
We met online about three years ago on a medieval role-playing Minecraft server. We didn’t become close friends until six months prior to our relationship. We remained acquaintances through an ex-friend of mine. At the time when we were acquaintances, we suffered through severe social anxiety and depression. This is as far as I’m willing to discuss. Anyways when my depression was peaking, I started to lean on Oliver more. He became a person who I talked to when I was sad because he understood how rough “the teenage transition” could be. We became best friends before lovers. He actually friend-zoned me early on when I had faint crush on him. We laugh at it now thinking about how we were then.
My crush on him quickly started to grow as my relationship with my ex-friend ended. On February 9, 2014 I asked him to be my Valentine; he later told me that he thought I was joking. We got together on Valentine’s day, and we came up with a list of what we wanted and expected and what we wouldn’t do. (Most of the “don’ts” were more so on the intimate side like kissing, and cuddling…). He was shy in the beginning and so was I. We opened up to each other and broke most of our don’ts. We wanted a very serious relationship instead of dating for the sake of passing the time.
I constantly scream to the world that I am deeply in love with this boy, and the distance between our hearts doesn’t exist, but at the moment we’re struggling to adapt to the school year’s changes.
>Relationship Issues:
The problem that Oliver and I are going through is rooted through our own stress and lack of time together. I returned to school on August 18th for my sophomore year in my hard-core collage preparatory school, and he began his first year at Gymnasium on the 13th.
Prior to our relationship, my boyfriend struggled with his own confidence. Starting our relationship was a new stage in his and my life. I was his buttress and he was mine. So when school began for him, he found this new confidence that he had received for the last six months. He learned how to talk to more people, and he learned how to be content with himself socially, and he started to go out partying, which is expected for his freshman year in “collage.”
For the next five days, I was mostly alone. In Denmark drinking doesn’t have an age so older students provided drinks. (You have to be eighteen to buy alcohol.) The first day after school he promised me he’d call me around noon. He didn’t, and I guess that was when he started to forget what he promised. That first day he came home safely and was a little bit more than tipsy. He drunk texted me, and on that day I’d been having arguments with my mother, and he wasn’t there for me as he always was.
I told him that it bothered me, and he assured me that he would never go out intentionally seeking alcohol. The next party he went to he got high for the first time. It bothered me a little, but I understood that he was in this new environment that he craved to explore. He told me about getting high with great trepidation, and I explained that I loved him and if he ever abused it, we’d have an issue.
Then, I started school. School was never my happy place. I have to go for about ten hours, and then I have three to four hours of homework on any given night. Up front, school really stresses me out. I cried about classes, students, and my ridiculous fragrance allergy. I lean on him emotionally. He was there for me, but I had to learn that he won’t be there right that second.
I’m really frustrated. He got a little high and a little drunk yesterday at the reunion party he went to with his friend. He got home around three a.m. and he told me, so I called him for a few minutes before saying goodnight.
On Friday he told me we call all day Sunday to make up for the lack of calls this past week and being unavailable Saturday. I completed all my homework as best as I could yesterday. I was prepared to see him all day, or at least most of the morning. I’ve been waiting all day, and he hasn’t contacted me once.
I’m really disappointed, but I want to know a few things.
- Is there a way to ease up the stress and tension of being unable to see each other everyday?
- How can I work on making us both happy instead of having arguments everyday on this bad week?
- What advice should I take to heart and work on? Should I venture out more, too?
- Will there be an end to this bickering and stress, or will it be stuck like this until the extreme happens?
I’m Abbey and I’ve been a bit of a lurker on the LFAD forum for a couple of weeks. I’m currently in a LDR since February 14, 2014. My relationship with my boyfriend has been rough and rocky, but we know each other well, and we work hard on maintaining our relationship’s strength.
> Background:
(Feel free to skip to my question. The background might be a bit lengthy.)
So, my boyfriend’s name is Oliver. He is almost eighteen, (November 12) and I am fifteen. He lives in the liberal country of Denmark, while I consider myself caught in a more conservative and religious state known as Tennessee. We are 4,539 miles a part, and we are closer than the bonds of atoms (figuratively).
We met online about three years ago on a medieval role-playing Minecraft server. We didn’t become close friends until six months prior to our relationship. We remained acquaintances through an ex-friend of mine. At the time when we were acquaintances, we suffered through severe social anxiety and depression. This is as far as I’m willing to discuss. Anyways when my depression was peaking, I started to lean on Oliver more. He became a person who I talked to when I was sad because he understood how rough “the teenage transition” could be. We became best friends before lovers. He actually friend-zoned me early on when I had faint crush on him. We laugh at it now thinking about how we were then.
My crush on him quickly started to grow as my relationship with my ex-friend ended. On February 9, 2014 I asked him to be my Valentine; he later told me that he thought I was joking. We got together on Valentine’s day, and we came up with a list of what we wanted and expected and what we wouldn’t do. (Most of the “don’ts” were more so on the intimate side like kissing, and cuddling…). He was shy in the beginning and so was I. We opened up to each other and broke most of our don’ts. We wanted a very serious relationship instead of dating for the sake of passing the time.
I constantly scream to the world that I am deeply in love with this boy, and the distance between our hearts doesn’t exist, but at the moment we’re struggling to adapt to the school year’s changes.
>Relationship Issues:
The problem that Oliver and I are going through is rooted through our own stress and lack of time together. I returned to school on August 18th for my sophomore year in my hard-core collage preparatory school, and he began his first year at Gymnasium on the 13th.
Prior to our relationship, my boyfriend struggled with his own confidence. Starting our relationship was a new stage in his and my life. I was his buttress and he was mine. So when school began for him, he found this new confidence that he had received for the last six months. He learned how to talk to more people, and he learned how to be content with himself socially, and he started to go out partying, which is expected for his freshman year in “collage.”
For the next five days, I was mostly alone. In Denmark drinking doesn’t have an age so older students provided drinks. (You have to be eighteen to buy alcohol.) The first day after school he promised me he’d call me around noon. He didn’t, and I guess that was when he started to forget what he promised. That first day he came home safely and was a little bit more than tipsy. He drunk texted me, and on that day I’d been having arguments with my mother, and he wasn’t there for me as he always was.
I told him that it bothered me, and he assured me that he would never go out intentionally seeking alcohol. The next party he went to he got high for the first time. It bothered me a little, but I understood that he was in this new environment that he craved to explore. He told me about getting high with great trepidation, and I explained that I loved him and if he ever abused it, we’d have an issue.
Then, I started school. School was never my happy place. I have to go for about ten hours, and then I have three to four hours of homework on any given night. Up front, school really stresses me out. I cried about classes, students, and my ridiculous fragrance allergy. I lean on him emotionally. He was there for me, but I had to learn that he won’t be there right that second.
I’m really frustrated. He got a little high and a little drunk yesterday at the reunion party he went to with his friend. He got home around three a.m. and he told me, so I called him for a few minutes before saying goodnight.
On Friday he told me we call all day Sunday to make up for the lack of calls this past week and being unavailable Saturday. I completed all my homework as best as I could yesterday. I was prepared to see him all day, or at least most of the morning. I’ve been waiting all day, and he hasn’t contacted me once.
I’m really disappointed, but I want to know a few things.
- Is there a way to ease up the stress and tension of being unable to see each other everyday?
- How can I work on making us both happy instead of having arguments everyday on this bad week?
- What advice should I take to heart and work on? Should I venture out more, too?
- Will there be an end to this bickering and stress, or will it be stuck like this until the extreme happens?
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