Teens He's not attentive...

[marienayshka]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 months, we both met on a cruise and we live 4 hours away from each other. Lately, whenever we talk, he'll just randomly disappear. For instance, he'll stop texting me while we are in a conversation, or we'll be on the phone and he'll tell me that he has to go, but that he'll call me later, yet he normally never does. Or sometimes, I know he's at home doing nothing, because he'll tell me, and he'll do these things (disappearing). I'll see that he's on instagram, yet he's not using the time to text me or talk to me. I've never brought this up to him, because whenever we do talk, it's all sweet and full of laughs, so I naturally just forget about it because I feel like we're still on very good terms. He 's always telling me he loves me, so it's not that I'm doubting him or anything. It's just that lately, it's been bothering me more and more because I feel like I'm not as important as I thought I was. How do I bring this up to him with being too demanding or needy?

[lyonsgirl]

Is he also 16?

[Unconditional]

His age could have something to do with it, he also may just not be as invested as you are at, two months into the relationship.

[marienayshka]

Yes he is, he's turning 17 in November

[Unconditional]

Also, to bring it up to him, just do it like you did here. I'd say tell him that you worry he doesn't think you're important anymore. It makes you feel bad. You're not asking for 24/7 communication, you're just asking for a little more than he's giving you right now.

[Anoulie]

You might be making a bigger deal out of this than it is. For some people, it's really important to always properly say goodbye etc. when they end a conversation, while others (especially on the internet) don't care if a conversation fizzles out and is then randomly resumed four hours later.
It may just be a communication issue, with you having different expectations of communication than your boyfriend does. After two months, you may not know each other's communication styles very well yet.

He could also just be easily distracted. My SO has ADHD-PI (primarily inattentive) and situations like the ones you describe happen to us, too. He'll be doing work (he works from home) and be so focused on it that he forgets we had a Skype date and gets online 20 minutes late. It annoys me, sure, but I'm understanding, and it doesn't happen often enough to really be an issue. What's important to us, however, is to talk about it. I point out that he's late or stopped responding for 15 minutes, he apologizes, I forgive him. I know it doesn't mean he loves me any less or doesn't care about me; it's just a part of who he is.

I'll stop talking about my own relationship now, but my point is: This could mean anything from simple carelessness to different expectations of communication to more serious issues. Just bring it up to him the next time you talk after it happens, like, "Hi, good to see you're back, but I noticed you just stopped texting mid-conversation this morning, and I was wondering what was up? I'd appreciate if you let me know you're leaving" or something. Good luck!

[lyonsgirl]

I guess my biggest struggle with this is the mentality "he should be talking to me instead of xyz". I struggle with this because I've done that. And it ruined the relationship I was in. I'm not saying you shouldn't mention how you feel to him. I do think, however, that it's worth looking inward as well.

[differentcountries]

We don't always say properly goodbye, apart from when we Skype. We will text /Viber when we have a chance, and when we dont we will stop. Sometimes we will say, now I will have to work, go shopping, make dinner etc, at other times it will just fizzle out. I actually told him to stop making apologies for fizzling out because I know we will talk when he has time and uppertunity. He will also sometimes be on Facebook after he said he would be too tired to talk to me. That just means he is having some fun by himself, which is all good. I don't expect to take up all of his time, especially not after the first couple of weeks. I have nothing like ADHD but I get very absorbed in whatever I am doing so I am sometimes a little late. So I usually have a high threshold to complain about others doing the same thing. I will usually let him know my mind, like "I guess you are busy now, talk to you later ". Sometimes he will go like, o no, someone just called me or whatever happened. Most of the time I think he appreciates not having to be superpolite towards me.

[Kapwned]

2 months is not a long time, no offense. It sounds like you're taking this much more seriously than he is. I'd only be concerned if you are actually actively speaking. Then the next time he comes around, say "Hey could you say something when you're leaving or going afk or whatever. I just find it kind of rude when I'm talking to someone and they just up and walk away without saying anything."

Just don't let what happened to me recently happen. Realize that people go through honeymoon phases in relationships so even if he was once eager to talk to you and you talked for hours on end doesn't mean he can keep up with that throughout your relationship. Maybe you can, but not everyone can. Heck, maybe you are going through a honeymoon phase and he isn't. Neither of you are in the wrong but you will need to come to a mutual understanding on where your boundaries lie.

As you said when you do talk everything seems fine but otherwise no. It might be because in his head everything is fine - he still likes you, likes to talk to you, etc. You two haven't known each other long so he doesn't know what you want.

[Aud121]

If a guy would do that to me, I would get the feeling that he doesn't feel the same way, i felt about him, it's not worth the heart ache...
Just tell him how you feel, I told my bf, cause he was always busy with stuff and if he loved me like he said he did then he would make the time, or tell me that he is going to be busy tonight, so I would know where he was and not wait up for him. After I told him, he would tell me what he was doing, and not leave me hanging

So yeah, being honest is very important in a relationship.

Good luck, hope everything works out for the best - Audrey

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

My bf and I had the same issue early on into the relationship. Like you I worried a bit. But I learned that communication is key in any relationship and expressing issues is really important. If it is bothering you, simply ask him because he may not realize he has done it especially with texting. I do it all the time when texting because I get a message and think of what Im going to say but be doing something else and forget that I hadnt sent the message.

Upon talking to my SO about the issue I learned that part of the issue was that I assumed he wasnt busy but in reality something came up that he had to do and then he would be tired or simply forget to talk to me afterward though he said he would.

Also like what has already been said, 2 months means the relationship is still really young. So he may not be at the same level as you for needs when it comes to how much you talk. Sometimes even in older relationships the two people have two completely different needs. You may need 3-4 hours of talking where as he only needs 1-2. So if it is really bothering you the only way to know what is going on is to talk to him about it.