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    #1

    Teens SO going to prom

    Hello all, so this is my first thread.

    So my boyfriend lives in USA and he is going to prom in May. I'm in Denmark and we don't have prom here, just some "smaller" thing/dance, but that's next year for me.
    Yesterday he told me he have invited a girl from his school to prom. I know he would like to go with me the most, but I can't afford/have time going there so that suck... (oh yeah, and we haven't met yet..) First he was like, he didn't know if he would go or not, but his parents (who are very stricht) said he had to. Which is fine with me, I mean you only have this prom thing one time so ofc. I want him to go and have fun.

    But still when he told me he had invited some girl, I was a bit ... sad/jealous in some way.. Like I've seen all these American movies where they dance to this romantic music and bla blaaa... So it's just a bit annoying tbh.

    uhm.. anyone familiar with this?
    “I asked her if she believed in love, and she smiled and
    said it was her most elaborate method of self-harm.”
    Tags: dance, highschool, prom
    #2
    I can see where you are coming from, that would be very difficult. I would be feeling the same thing if I was in your position.

    I see how this could be a very good thing though, his parents are making him do this so it does not mean that he is actually interested in the girl he is taking. Honesty is always the key though, I do not want to make assumptions on the dynamic of your relationship but if I was him I would want to know how you were feeling. This event can give you both the opportunity to grow closer to each other. With both of you living so far apart from each other, there is going to be many circumstances where you will both be around other people. It is important to be able to function and keep you goal in mind (closing the distance), without being distracted by the prospect of other relationships.

    I would recommend (but I am far from an expert) that you talk with him, tell him your concerns and if appropriate agree on what boundaries would make you both feel safe. Work with him on this, as you said in your post, he has no choice and might not even want to go. If this is the case then he will want your support and to know that you trust him. Set a time to talk about it afterwards and see what you can learn from the situation.

    Best of luck to you both!
    ~Douglas

    Comment

      #3
      Hey, thanks for the answer.

      Well he did ask how I was feeling, but I just said it was fine with me. Because I do want him to go so... And it's not because he really likes to party and dance at all, but he is still going because of the parents. And of some reason he didn't want to go with his best boy friend or some others, but I'm not sure how the prom is, do you have to be girl/boy..?
      “I asked her if she believed in love, and she smiled and
      said it was her most elaborate method of self-harm.”

      Comment

        #4
        A lot of people usually pair up for prom, but I know plenty of people (my sister included) who just went with a close friend. It may be that all of his other guy friends had paired up already so I felt obligated to take a date.

        Personally, I wouldn't really be happy about my boyfriend taking a date to prom but then again, I think it's a fun thing to go to and a big part of the American cultural experience. As long as the date is just a friend and knows he's already got a girlfriend, I think it should be fine.
        In all the world there is no heart for me like yours.
        In all the world there is no love for you like mine.
        -- Maya Angelou

        Comment

          #5
          Um traditionally prom is a date between a guy and a girl but a lot has changed lately with the structure of the event. I know a lot of times people will "Go to prom" with someone and they don't consider it as a real date, no strings attached, just a good time. My brother and his guy friend went to prom with each other (both are straight btw), it is safe to say they were not dating each other. Neither had real dates but both wanted to go so they did it that way. On a flip note, prom can be a super fun yet romantic way to get to know some in a open and public setting. So it really depends on the people who go.

          With this all said, I'm sure he can go to prom and be just fine, it does not have to be a date and if he is interested in you then you have nothing to worry about.

          Comment

            #6
            Yeah maybe, I'm not sure...
            She is a friend, I supose, I have never heard about her before now so that's a bit weird. And he said that she knew I existed so... And just now (I stalked her on FB ) I saw that he had made a comment on her profile pic. saying she looked good. It was from September. It was just kinda..:/ dunno, I'm just overanalyzing..
            But thanks for the answer
            “I asked her if she believed in love, and she smiled and
            said it was her most elaborate method of self-harm.”

            Comment

              #7
              Okay, I see. I just still wonder why he didn't go with some of his boy friends, because he have never told me about this girl before, and if they are just good friends, wouldn't I know about her then??

              Thanks for the answer
              “I asked her if she believed in love, and she smiled and
              said it was her most elaborate method of self-harm.”

              Comment

                #8
                If you're really uncomfortable about it, tell him. Ask him about the girl. And no, you don't have to have a date to go to prom. My junior year I went stag (by myself) because no one asked me. It's not weird to go by yourself anymore. Senior year, I only had a date because I felt left out and invited my ex from junior year, I actually ended up wishing I went stag.

                But, for most people, having a date is just for fun and nothing happens on prom night, unless he decides to go to an after prom (some kids rent hotel rooms, or have sleepovers). With my group of friends, it wasn't about getting drunk, having sex, that sort of thing. It was mainly us hanging out (I wasn't allowed to go to any after proms).

                Also, I had more fun when I went by myself junior year, than I did senior year when I had a date. I didn't have to worry about it and didn't get ditched.
                Last edited by whatruckus; November 17, 2014, 03:12 AM.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Hmm, well I'm not really uncomfortable and I don't want to be one of those jealous girlfriends being like "You can't have any girl friends besides me" bla bla..
                  It's just the whole "date" thing, like.. I'm just over here on the other side of the planet, while he is having fun, dancing or what ever he do, with some stranger whom he invited..
                  But as you wrote "But, for most people, having a date is just for fun and nothing happens on prom night" So yeah.. And also, if he liked her or something, then why keep having contact with me in that way when he could actually hang out physically with her? I'm just over reacting I guess.. But thanks for the answer
                  “I asked her if she believed in love, and she smiled and
                  said it was her most elaborate method of self-harm.”

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Prom is tough when you think about it. Some relationships are of different ages, and some proms don't allow inter-school couples. And prom can transform close friends into close-proximity couples, which I am worried about since one time I was messaging my GF and someone she didn't know asked her out. She wondered what she should've done, and I told her not to cheat. But, prom can make your love feel special. So special that this person who asked him/her to prom, will ask them to start dating. I've chatted to my GF about this, and she thinks she won't get dates, but she'll still go to be with friends. I told her that when its my prom, I'm not taking a date, and she says she won't, but how are you supposed to know? That's something I figured out a while ago. By the time it's her prom, she graduates a month before, and then when I graduate, I'm going straight to Canada to see her. I was always going to anyway,Then, I can ask her how prom went. If she had a date, can I keep trust in her? She said this relationship was open to close-proximity cheating. When I had a close-proximity relationship, she nearly broke up with me. That closed the close-proximity cheating window, and it was strictly this relationship only. So if I were you, meet halfway, or go to Disney World in Florida together. I'd suggest your treat. Walt Disney World is a great place and you can make your boyfriend feel happy, and talk to him about what he does with his life, anything you don't agree on, you'll have to try and let down.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      It's a coincidence I found this thread because I was in exactly the same boat a few days ago. My SO told me that somebody asked her to Prom but she wasn't sure whether she would go with him or not because she would only want to go with me. Instead of acting jealous I just said 'Go and have fun, trust me I know how you feel' (of course I was feeling jealous on the inside). I couldn't get off my mind if the guy had any feelings for her etc. She started questioning me asking if 'I was being sarcastic' and I just shrugged it off. I stupidly said I was going with a girl (even though I've rejected 2 because of her so far) and she also got jealous but we ended the night on good terms. The next morning we talked about the whole situation and she said 'He's a friend, there's no feelings there. I do not like anyone else, It will always be you.' And we've forgotten about it. I wish I was going to see her a couple of months earlier but I have to wait until August!
                      Good Luck.
                      Love is patient, Love is kind, Love never fails.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by Fie KC View Post
                        Hmm, well I'm not really uncomfortable and I don't want to be one of those jealous girlfriends being like "You can't have any girl friends besides me" bla bla..
                        It's just the whole "date" thing, like.. I'm just over here on the other side of the planet, while he is having fun, dancing or what ever he do, with some stranger whom he invited..
                        But as you wrote "But, for most people, having a date is just for fun and nothing happens on prom night" So yeah.. And also, if he liked her or something, then why keep having contact with me in that way when he could actually hang out physically with her? I'm just over reacting I guess.. But thanks for the answer
                        Sorry I'm late in replying, but this is a good mindset to have. I assume Prom isn't until the Spring (that's how it is where I live), so you have time. But, I completely understand how you feel. And, like I said, the whole date thing is more because you don't want to be that person going alone. Lol. Also, from what I remember at prom, so many people went as just friends and nothing ever happened. Maybe a couple hook ups here and there, but really nothing serious. You go, eat some decent food, have fun, and dance. That's it. I hope everything goes well.

                        Also, you wouldn't be one of those girlfriends if you told him you were just uncomfortable with it. I'm sure he would understand. Tell him what you wrote in reply to my post. It's worded just right.

                        Comment

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