Teens I don't know what to do... I am so far away.

[douglas2275]

I have fears, they are always the same fears. I don't know what to do..

Last night I got into a bit of a fight with my so, it was an accident but completely my fault. I have many things going though my mind and I try to share them with her but they end up coming out wrong. I want to work my fears out with her but she misunderstands what I am trying to say. I don't know if I should be keeping my fears to myself or continue to try and work them out with her.

My fears are basic and simple, I am sure many if not most of everyone on this site has had them at some point. I am afraid that I made the wrong choice in pursuing her. She has had a hard life and I just make it so much more complicated by being in it. She just informed me last night that her step dad lost his job and now they can't afford their house, they are being forced to move. She is constantly being bombarded with terrible luck and misfortune. I could go on and on (but won't out of respect for her) about the things that have happened in her life. She IS hurting, a lot. And here I am, 1800 miles away from her and I can't do anything to help her. I can't be there to support her and to give her a shoulder to cry on when she needs it. I can't hold her hand and tell her everything is going to be okay. I am just too far away. I love her deeply, I have never loved anyone so much in my entire life and I cannot see myself with anyone else or being able to love someone as much as I love her. But am I making the right choice by being in a relationship with her and potentially preventing her from finding a guy who can not only love her but also be there for her when she needs it? I know she loves me, I have no doubt but I am imprisoning her with my love. There is nothing more painful then watching someone you love so very deeply, hurt, and know that I cannot be there to comfort them.

I tried to explain how I was feeling to her but I just made things worse and confused her, she ended up telling me that if I was having second thoughts then I just needed to tell her and she would give me space. But this could not be any further from the truth, I am crying as I write this, I LOVE HER! I have no doubt that I want to be with her... I want to be with her for the rest of my life. But what are you supposed to do when you know that you are causing someone pain by not being able to comfort them, you love them deeply and want them to be happy, what am I supposed to do???

If my relationship with her ended, I don't know if I could ever love again. But I would do it for her because I love her so much.

~Douglas

[Sarah96]

Douglas I think you're right, many people have had similar fears about whether or not their relationship is worth fighting for or dealing with distance for, it's very clear that you love her, and I'm sure she loves you too. I also have similar fears about not being able to comfort my boyfriend or be there for him and I also didn't like that he could be here for me and comfort me since we've both been through some crap since we've been together. I've definitely unintentionally started arguments with him for the same reason you started arguments with your girlfriend. They are unintentional and usually just from communication. I'm not sure how you two typically communicate but you NEED to talk to her about it and make sure you explain everything as detailed as possible so she knows what you're explaining. Sometimes it takes me 2 or 3 explanations before he gets it because it's difficult to express through text without there being misunderstandings and we don't always have a chance to call.

Now as a girlfriend who has needed her boyfriend's comfort on more than one occasion, I will tell you that in the beginning months, which it seems you two are a fairly new relationship, I definitely had doubts all the time about how we wasn't able to be here to comfort me when I needed it and he felt the same way. Over time I did eventually "grow up" in a sense and realized it doesn't have to be physical for him to comfort me... his words are all I need. Just knowing I can come home to him and I have someone to talk to that will listen to me and tell me he loves me and tell me everything will be okay is all I need. Yes it's difficult because I wish I could hug him since I know that would make everything go away, but words can be just as powerful as actions when they're the words you need to hear from the one you love. I suggest talking to her and asking her about what she needs to be comforted and despite the distance, are there ways YOU can feel that you are able to comfort her.

I hope this helps and everything works out, good luck! (sorry it's so long)

[douglas2275]

Thank you so very much for the reply, one of the greatest challenges we face in our relationship (besides distance) is communication. Her family does not really approve so we can only communicate at times and in ways that allow her to do so without family retaliation. We try to make time to call each other but it is really hard and infrequently. Needless to say our communication last night was by text and that is probably why she misunderstood what I was trying to say. I am going to try and contact her today, perhaps we will be able to work it out over the phone soon.

Thank you for sharing with me, it really helps to hear from other people gone through the same thing.

[douglas2275]

I was able to talk to her on the phone, it is amazing how just hearing her voice can put so many fears to rest. We were able to work though what I was thinking and we are stronger for it. Your advice was very helpful thank you!