I'm not sure how to start this, or where to begin, but it eats away at me, but let me try here.
I've been in a few LDR's, and over time I have been turned into a very insecure person with those insecurities centered around betrayal, abandonment and trust, on more than one occasion I have been abandoned for someone else, I didn't used to be insecure about things until it happened allot, it kept growing and growing.
(Just go down to the last 2 paragraphs to read the real problem and skip all the boring back story)
Here's the start of the beginning, I met this girl on a game I was playing quite a few years ago, we talked, took everything slow, dated for over a year or two, we grew apart, never really broke up, just stopped talking to each other, neither of us knew why or had an answer to it but we found other people, then found each other and dated off and on again for not as long, but now still we remain friends, I've learned that she has massive insecurities like I do, both of us with no reason to have them.
Then this one other girl I knew back in the state I used to live in(Arizona) till I moved to where I am now(Georgia, ugh), then after over a year or 2 of me living here we started talking more and got together(Couldn't happen when I lived there eh?), we went insanely strong for a about 4 months on the dot, where she started talking to a guy I knew, more and more, after about a week of talking to him she called him her best friend, but always talked to him more than me, and after a few more days began just plain neglecting me, not showing any love at all, and question our relationship, and told me to let her be while she decides who she wanted to be with, that wasn't going to fly with me, if she had to decide, she wasn't worth it, and I guess this is where most of it all started for my problems.
I found someone else a while later, same thing, going quite strong for a few months, 3 or 4, began talking to me less and less, then not showing love at all, and eventually calling me freaking out for no reason saying we need a break, and I started freaking out because I don't know what's going on or why this is happening, so after all that, we never talked again, I find out a couple weeks later from my friend(That was dating her brother) that she was with someone else, that was devastation.
Fast forward a while again, and we reach my current relationship, I couldn't be happier with the person i'm with now, I mean I love her to death, what can I say? But I have my insecurities, I'm always so afraid that she will find someone else better than me, or closer than me(Both maybe!), I don't see myself as the best guy ever, but I know i'm certainly not a terrible guy, I have a great heart and personality and treat people the best as I can, she's been cheated on before, a few times i've learnt, but she doesn't show any worry to me, she blocks it out and makes it go away, I can't do that, I try and I fail almost every time, she has done nothing to validate me being insecure in this relationship, there's just no reason I should be, but I am, i'm scared that she will abandon me like other people have, stop loving me even though she has assured me that she wont and never plans to, I know sometimes she gets upset with me because of it and that's completely understandable, I know how stupid and ect I am because of it.
Something that adds to it is that she is used to physical, personal relationships, she has had a few serious relationships also(sexually), and has kissed allot of people. But I'm a virgin, not that I was ever waiting for anything, I just never have done it, don't get me wrong i've had my fair share of kisses and such, but I'm nothing of someone or something that she's used to, it scares me, why step out of your comfort zone so extremely like that? And how do you go from, a few serious relationships, kissing, hugging, snuggling, everything a physical relationship has to offer? To someone that doesn't have experience sexually, someone you can't touch every day or so, someone you have to wait 7-8 more months to meet in person, how do you love people physically like she has? To loving someone like me, stronger than anyone she has loved before, I really don't understand, I'm scared to death of it that it will sometime end.
I've been in a few LDR's, and over time I have been turned into a very insecure person with those insecurities centered around betrayal, abandonment and trust, on more than one occasion I have been abandoned for someone else, I didn't used to be insecure about things until it happened allot, it kept growing and growing.
(Just go down to the last 2 paragraphs to read the real problem and skip all the boring back story)
Here's the start of the beginning, I met this girl on a game I was playing quite a few years ago, we talked, took everything slow, dated for over a year or two, we grew apart, never really broke up, just stopped talking to each other, neither of us knew why or had an answer to it but we found other people, then found each other and dated off and on again for not as long, but now still we remain friends, I've learned that she has massive insecurities like I do, both of us with no reason to have them.
Then this one other girl I knew back in the state I used to live in(Arizona) till I moved to where I am now(Georgia, ugh), then after over a year or 2 of me living here we started talking more and got together(Couldn't happen when I lived there eh?), we went insanely strong for a about 4 months on the dot, where she started talking to a guy I knew, more and more, after about a week of talking to him she called him her best friend, but always talked to him more than me, and after a few more days began just plain neglecting me, not showing any love at all, and question our relationship, and told me to let her be while she decides who she wanted to be with, that wasn't going to fly with me, if she had to decide, she wasn't worth it, and I guess this is where most of it all started for my problems.
I found someone else a while later, same thing, going quite strong for a few months, 3 or 4, began talking to me less and less, then not showing love at all, and eventually calling me freaking out for no reason saying we need a break, and I started freaking out because I don't know what's going on or why this is happening, so after all that, we never talked again, I find out a couple weeks later from my friend(That was dating her brother) that she was with someone else, that was devastation.
Fast forward a while again, and we reach my current relationship, I couldn't be happier with the person i'm with now, I mean I love her to death, what can I say? But I have my insecurities, I'm always so afraid that she will find someone else better than me, or closer than me(Both maybe!), I don't see myself as the best guy ever, but I know i'm certainly not a terrible guy, I have a great heart and personality and treat people the best as I can, she's been cheated on before, a few times i've learnt, but she doesn't show any worry to me, she blocks it out and makes it go away, I can't do that, I try and I fail almost every time, she has done nothing to validate me being insecure in this relationship, there's just no reason I should be, but I am, i'm scared that she will abandon me like other people have, stop loving me even though she has assured me that she wont and never plans to, I know sometimes she gets upset with me because of it and that's completely understandable, I know how stupid and ect I am because of it.
Something that adds to it is that she is used to physical, personal relationships, she has had a few serious relationships also(sexually), and has kissed allot of people. But I'm a virgin, not that I was ever waiting for anything, I just never have done it, don't get me wrong i've had my fair share of kisses and such, but I'm nothing of someone or something that she's used to, it scares me, why step out of your comfort zone so extremely like that? And how do you go from, a few serious relationships, kissing, hugging, snuggling, everything a physical relationship has to offer? To someone that doesn't have experience sexually, someone you can't touch every day or so, someone you have to wait 7-8 more months to meet in person, how do you love people physically like she has? To loving someone like me, stronger than anyone she has loved before, I really don't understand, I'm scared to death of it that it will sometime end.
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