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How to Tell His Mom?

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    Teens How to Tell His Mom?

    Hi! So long time no see, and I'm in a bit of a pickle.

    Backstory: So Dylan and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. I'm 14, 15 in February and he's 15, 16 in February. A little over a year or so ago, his mom found out about me and freaked out a bit. She was more upset that he didn't tell her about me than me in general. She knows my name and that I live in Virginia, but that's it. Since then, the topic has been dropped and his whole family has seemingly forgotten about it.

    Now, Dylan lives in Texas, and recently the idea of me coming down for the summer and staying with him has come up. Now, I have never met a single set of parents that have not liked me, so I'm positive that Dylan's mom will like me. I'm willing to Skype her, call her on the phone, anything at all to prove I'm real.

    The issue is, is that Dylan is paranoid that she won't like me and will forbid us from talking. She never did that previously, but she did cry and was very upset.

    The plan would be, after a few months of speaking to his parents, skype calls, ect. That he would ask if I could come down for the summer.
    Money is no issue, because he's well off and is positive if she liked me, she would pay for a Greyhound bus ticket or a plane ticket down there.

    I'm pretty sure that my dad would be okay with it, I've stayed at boy's houses before last year for weeks, so that's no issue.

    Dylan doesn't want to bring up the topic of me, because he's very anxious and it'd be awkward. I would message her on facebook, but that's awkward too.
    I suggested the idea of adding him on facebook so that his mom would see and ask and he could tell her we're talking and together. (Since that's the reason why we aren't added- so she won't know)

    Any ideas?

    #2
    Now, I'm not a teen. However, my SO IS. Which is why I sometimes look over this forum xD I'm 21, he's 18 in a couple of weeks.

    To the matter at hand: I would honestly start off with the whole "talk to your boyfriend" advice. If you guys are serious, which you must be having been together a decent length of time already, then he needs to come round to the fact that your relationship IS about to get to a whole new level. No more talking down the end of a line to a person you've never met before, it becomes the real deal. Your SO needs to become more comfortable with the idea of you going to see him, and so if he won't broach the subject, that will fall to YOU. It might seem daunting, but then again... if it's not discussed you'll never know.

    Secondly, to introduce his mother to it, see if you can get into a Skype call with your SO when his mother is around. I'm not sure how good an idea a video call might be, but that might be better off than just voice alone. Again, it might be one step too far, but at least you and your SO aren't hiding anything from her then. Being honest, she might appreciate this more than just "someone he added on Facebook." Facebook is all and well, however if you took this step first, she might go against your relationship without even realising and make it all the harder for her to accept the relationship in the future, if all goes to plan as you and your SO would best hope.

    Does your family know about him? How did they react?

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      #3
      And for the record! My SO has already told his mum about me. We haven't officially "met" but the online game we both play she also plays, and as a result, we've pretty much chatted and gotten on with each other decently so far. I know how hard the "meeting" part can be, even before it becomes a physical meeting, but the best thing I can say is: do not be fearful, and do not let it get out of hand. Let your SO know that, in the gentlest way possible, the subject can't be avoided forever, but time your conversation appropriately. Good luck!

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        #4
        Honour gave some really good advice... one thing I would like to add is that you should get your parents to talk. Since you are both underage, you'll need consent from a parent either way to travel unless they are driving you there and back. So the only way this is going to work is if your parents are on board with this, and it would be best if each of your parents talked. After telling your respective parents about each other you should think about having a skype chat with your parents, or just allow your parents to talk since they will be playing a huge role in this. It will probably make them more comfortable if they have talked to the people you would be going to stay with.

        P.S. Don't lie about your age on your profile

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          #5
          Thank you for the advice!

          My mother, who I don't live with anymore, knows about him and has actually been in the room when him and I have skype called (also: we always video call) and she thinks he's adorable and all of that. My father however doesn't know, but he's even more laid back than my mother, so I'm willing to bring up the situation with him.

          Dylan isn't uncomfortable with the idea of me staying with him, it's actually the opposite. He's extremely optimistic about it and has told me "Yeah, if my mom were cool with you and everything, we could totally pay for a plane ticket here or something. She'd love you." We've have many conversations about it over the years and it used to be he was anxious and was like "No, no, it could never happen." But his attitude has changed for the better on it.

          A year or two ago, Dylan made a post on a website about me and how I was in a rough situation and his mother found it, and so she knows we met on an online video game a while ago. The reason I suggest adding him on Facebook so that she'll see the whole "Dylan added Jessica" or whatever notification on his profile to be a bit of a calling card. She doesn't know we still talk, and that's the whole, er, issue I guess.

          I'm completely willing to Skype call with his mom, and I'm sure my Dad would be cool with skyping her as well. I'm waiting to tell my Dad about Dylan until his mom finds out, because telling his mom would be a lot more difficult than telling my dad. His mom is a bit more strict with him than my dad is with me.

          I'm just trying to find ways to tell his mom about us without it being so..direct.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Sarah96 View Post
            P.S. Don't lie about your age on your profile
            Ah, when I originally made this profile I wasn't planning on being committed to it, and thus I just put a random age up as a filler. I'm not sure how to change it, though

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              #7
              Me and my SO had a similar problem. Cept im a guy and my SO is a girl. We didn't even have to tell her mom, she found out on her own. And lemme tell YA, when my SO told me, I was scared

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