Teens Telling parents?

[ClaryAsuna]

Hello everyone....so I am 18. I met my SO online, over twitter, nine months ago. We started off as friends before we both opened to each other about how we felt, surprised the other felt the same. I really want to tell my mum about him, of course(my parents are separated and I live with my mum). However, my mum has said time and time again to of all of us, in a general manner that no one can love online, because you don't really know them etc. My SO is also 32..which does not matter to me, really, because what does age matter when your in love? But I just think this would be another reason that she would judge him, and our relationship. She believes that people can't fall in love online as I said, or that they only want you for your body or your money. I know that this is far from what he wants: he has never once asked about my money, and I know from how we talk, Skype and interact that he is not in this for just my body. My SO is also above average weight, which also adds to this sense that if I was to tell, their would be immediate judgement, with a fair share of astonishment and other ugly emotions...I feel really awful...because I am far from the type to keep secrets or lie. And I have talked to my SO about this as well, saying I really hope he understands and does not think I am ashamed of him, because I never was and never will be. No matter what anyone says,he's perfect the way he is. He said he understands, and he hasn't told his parents either(due to his current circumstances he lives at home to take care of his nephew). He told me this was due too how his family would say I am too young for him, and since we haven't met in person, that I don't really know him. I am also afraid since I still live under my mother's rules, that if she found out she would ban me from my technology..and then I would have to get to the library to even talk to him..and we can't Skype there... I keep thinking that it would be far better if we met in person first..then at least he would have credibility as I have met him.I cried over this when we Skyped yesterday, as I just wish I could tell her without all these fears..any help would be lovely..

[Honour]

It won't be easy to tell your mum that you're in love with someone who is, technically, twice your age. However, and I will freely admit this, I was a 20 year old in love with someone twice my age as well, though he has now passed away in recent weeks from cancer, and whilst my mum was aware of him, my dad was not, and as his health deteriorated, it became more and more unlikely that I could ever divulge the truth of our relationship. I would proceed extremely cautiously when it comes to this, because of course you don't want to end up hurting your mum before your SO has a chance to prove that he is, as you say, not after just your body. To begin with, it might just be a good idea to stick with the road of "dropping hints." Perhaps it might make it easier for you to slowly introduce him to your mum, like if she were to stumble in on you when you were both Skyping or something. If I were you, I wouldn't meet your SO in real life without telling your mum first; if she found out you'd gone behind her back to do that, it might cause bad feelings and a lot of friction between you both. She would begin to question whether she could trust you still, and she might grow extremely resentful and bitter towards you. I'm afraid there's no easy way to go down this road; you and your SO will have to take things as they come, and allow time to make awareness of your SO grow, of your mum's acceptance, trust and respect to grow. Ideally, this is what should happen. As you said, age shouldn't matter if you're happy, but keep in mind some will be more judgmental because of "how young you are in comparison to him." Me? I'm accepting of mostly everything. People have their quirks and oddities, likes and dislikes, opinions and beliefs, everyone is entitled to their lives and rights. Your mum will have grown up in a different age to you and I (I'm only 21 myself) as my mum and dad did. My dad is similar in opinion to you, yet even more overprotective and overbearing, lol. He's stubborn and set in his ways like you wouldn't believe.

In short? Drops hints. Tell her slowly, bit by bit, and show her, bit by bit, the world that you have been opened up to. But make sure you keep a hold of your emotions, and don't let love TOTALLY blind you. Remember, you want to try and avoid family conflict over someone you care about as much as possible. It can't always be the case, sadly, but it's what you really don't want to happen if possible.

[kenzieblue]

my mom does know about my SO but very very little.... my dad doesn't know anything my sis knows a little bit to... I can understand that keeping a LDR from ur parents and family is really hard but think of it this way.... u and him aren't alone... neither of u have told ur family and my bfs mom doesn't know about me and she probably won't till this summer when he comes to see me (I hope) with LDR's it's easy to hide the relationship but it comes with guilt and stress... well atleast for me I don't like hiding it from my dad but it's also really hard to tell him and he will be crushed when he finds out Cuz he hates bein the last to find out things which is understand able

[Harlequin]

I'm going to say a lot of things you don't want to hear, but they're things you should think about as you go forward.

No one ever seems to take into consideration that someone could be after your age and the naïveté that comes with it. There are more aspects that can be taken advantage of that aren't just your body or money.

If I were a mother, and my teenage child (being a legal adult doesn't make someone any less of a teenager) came to me and told me that they were dating someone twice their age, my first reaction would be immediate suspicion towards their s/o. I would want to know what, in your case, a 32 year old man would want with an 18 year old girl. I would want to know what he could possibly have in common with her, because although age doesn't always matter, there is a point where it does. There are life experiences you haven't gone through yet as an adult that he went through when you were 8. My main concern would be that this man is trying to take advantage of you, because you ARE so young, and you are comparatively naïve than a 30-something year old woman. I'd be worried that he'd try to groom you into the sort of (usually subservient) woman creepy older men tend to salivate over. I'd be worried that he'd use his age and your trust in him to manipulate you.
If someone is going to manipulate you, they don't need to outright mention their motives (money, sex, etc.) If they're good, they never even have to insinuate it. The best manipulators are the people who can get you to do something, making you think it was your decision and that you don't regret it. This early in the relationship, there's a chance you're not going to know he's manipulating you unless he's very obvious about it.
What would worry me is that he would try to say and do whatever it takes to keep you around. While it sounds sweet and dedicated, motives are always important. As in, it's not so sweet and dedicated if his intentions are shitty. My concerns would be entirely for you and your safety. I would be very much against the relationship, and I would want to talk to this man. I don't know if I could necessarily stop you from seeing him, but your relationship would definitely be under a lot of scrutiny. Your safety would come first and foremost, because I would not want you to get hurt. 'Cause not all lessons need to be learned the hard way.

Can relationships with large age gaps work? Sure. My parents are 11 years apart, and they've been married about 26 years. However, they were 49 and 38 when they got married, which is a far cry from 18 and 32. Are all older men who get into relationships with girls half their age (but 18+) creeps? Of course not. There are some pretty decent people out there who just happen to get into zany (legal) relationships.

I don't know your mom personally in order to know her parenting style, but please keep in mind the sort of things that could raise major concern. If and when you plan to tell her, make sure you're ready to answer ALL of her questions-- don't hide or lie about anything.

Overall, I do wish you the best of luck. I really hope he's as honest a guy as you think he is, and I hope you're able to talk with your mother peacefully about the relationship. I don't mean to accuse your s/o of anything since I don't know him. I'm not here to attack you, your s/o, or your relationship overall. I'm just offering up a different perspective, and I hope it gives you more insight into the sort of red flags people will be raising, and why.