Teens Family Disapproval

[ldrlove]

Hello! I'm new here. I'm having a hard time.. So I would appreciate a lot anyone who can share some advice with me.

I'm 18 years old and I started a relationship with a girl who I talk with since three years ago. Though we have been only a month in love, talking with her during three years made us have much confidence. And also, her parents know well about me and our relationship. Her parents like me and trust me, so there was no problem telling them about the relationship, because they know well about me all this time. So they say they are delighted. They invited me to stay some days in their house this year on summer, and though I would love to visit them, my parents don't allow me to do it.. They are worried about me because I should take a flight alone.. and it's so far. They even don't like my girlfriend... they say she's so far away so this can not work.

But I talked with my SO and we are totally sure and confident about our future, we really love each other... so we want to try our best to meet each other for the first time this year.

Please, how can persuade or convince my parents to let me go for a few days with my gf? I'm already 18, I have enough money saved and I can take care of myself...

[Unconditional]

Well, as much as I dislike advising someone to go against their parent's wishes because in the end to be happy you probably do need their approval, you are eighteen and is that not the age of being an adult in your country? You probably could go on your own should you choose ultimately. However, if you still live under your parents house then I advise against that as they may not let you back in when you return.
I feel like their is information missing here. Is there a reason they don't like her?
Also, look at it from their point of view, they are looking after you but I bet if they could see how happy she makes you that might make them rethink their opinion of your relationship.

[Happygirl123]

hey!

my situation sounds very similar to yours. let me give you some background info of mine first so you can understand a little better.
im a 20 year old female, born and raised in London, UK and i study here. my dad is the one who i am struggling with. luckily, my mum knew from the beginning so she grew into the idea slowly slowly, but i only told my dad 2 weeks ago (with the help of my mum).

my SO is 26, and from the USA. his family is supportive, but he lives on his own anyway, since he is in the army, so he told me to go whenever i can. the issue is, that i cannot! my father will not allow me, even though i am 20, not in a million years! its also hard because my SO would come to london to see me, this is not an issue, but he cannot leave the country because of the military!

like your parents, my dad wouldn't allow me for the same reasons, and he is certain it will not work because of the distance. i still haven't met my SO and we've been together since august 2014, but we really want to meet this year.

my advice to you? give them time. i know time is not what you want, trust me ( i dont want time either), i just want it to happen now. but do what i did with my father. explain the situation, in a calm, mature manner. perhaps it might help to get the support of one of your parents first alone, then they will help you when you speak together. speak to whoever you feel comfortable first, maybe your mum or dad.

explain the situation, be honest about your feelings, and your SO's feelings. but whatever you do, do not say something like "i am 18, i can do what i want" or something like this. because even though you are 18, and im sure you can look after yourself, your parents dont care about this, even me that i am 20... we are still their "children". it says a lot if they are worried that you will do the flight alone, it shows they still consider you as their child. this is not a bad thing, but you have to understand it will not change over night.

i learnt, with the support from my mum, that if you want to succeed, you must be calm, allow your parents to speak, and understand their point of view. also, it is important you include them, DO NOT just turn to them when you want to say "ok bye im going to china" or something like this. if you include them from the start, slowly slowly you may find that they will become used to the idea of the presence of this girl in your life.

don't rush this situation, if you spoke to your SO and you are both confident of your feelings towards each other, then you can work together as a team and take your time to make sure it works. it is important to have your parents on your side, an LDR is a tricky situation, dealing with the disapproval of parents because you go behind their back or something as such makes it even harder.

at the moment with my dad, he doesn't want to accept it. we do not argue or shout, but he just doesn't want to accept the idea. but i am involving him slowly, for example me and my SO are sending each other gifts, and the other day i went shopping with my dad to look for a t shirt for my SO!

i wish you the best of luck.

[4070milesapart]

My advice wouldn't be to directly go against your parents. If they're still putting a roof over your head and food in your mouth, they do still have some authority over you, despite you being 18.

I'd say to talk calmly to your parents about their concerns and, as maturely as possible, explain to them that this is a serious relationship and outline to them the goals that you have for your future with your girlfriend. My parents were skeptical at first, but they've been aware of my boyfriend for over a year now. Since you've only been dating your girlfriend for a month, this could be holding your parents back, as many relationships at age 18 don't last too long even when distance is not a factor.

Perhaps wait a bit. I'd recommend giving your parents time to get to know your girlfriend and allow them to talk through Skype so that they can build confidence in your relationship. Understand the concerns that your parents have, as they are legitimate and, if you're considerate of their feelings, they are more likely to see that and be considerate of yours. As long as you act mature and patient with the situation, your parents should see that you're mature enough to make your own decisions and respect your relationship. With my parents, as they saw my relationship remain strong and successful over many months, they started to see the legitimacy in my relationship and their support has grown exponentially since I first filled them in on it.

There's really no rush in my opinion to meet, as I've been dating my boyfriend for over two years 100% online. If you're patient and allow time for your parents to adjust and get to know her, I think things will go much more smoothly for you. It'll be well worth the wait! c:

[Honour]

At the age of 18, you probably can take care of/look after yourself, but I'd still be really nervous if I were a parent to let my 18 year old do something like that. If I could, I'd go with them, so is it possible someone could go with you? Parents, or another relative? Maybe even a friend?

[Maizhen]

Communication and patience, they are the keys. Almost any problem can be resolved with a bit of communication and diplomacy. You should confront your parents (calmly of course) and have a serious and mature talk about the situation. Explain them why you love that girl, why it is serious between you, and, therefore, why it is necessary for you two to meet. Prepare your arguments before starting the conversation. With time, they will understand, i'm sure.