Teens Am I rushing into this?

[hmb236]

Alrighty, well my SO and I have been together for almost 5 months. We're almost 4,000 miles apart, as he lives in Germany and I live in the U.S.
The problem is that 5 months isn't a long time compared to the three years it'll take til we can really be together. He's my first boyfriend, but I'm not his first girlfriend.
We talk about the future a lot; just fantasizing about kids, where we would live, etc, but I don't know if I'm pushing this. I always want to Skype often and plan things, while he's more laid back. Even though he doesn't complain, he's the type that wouldn't complain if something was wrong.
I also want to send letters and gifts back and forth, but he said that his friends and family don't know he's in an ldr. Should this worry me?
I also have to choose my classes for next year soon, and I'll switch from Spanish class to German because I'll be able to apply for German colleges to be with him. That's a major life change, but I don't know if it's a blind and naïve leap or a leap of faith.
Am I pushing this relationship?

[TaraMarie]

Yes. You are 14. I have a 14 year old daughter and I would tell her to find friends closer to home. You are entirely too young to think about going to college in Germany. Have fun and enjoy being 14!

[merlinkitty]

You know, at my ripe old age, I would say learn German because you want to learn German. You can start thinking about college, but start thinking about what you want to study. That may or may not lead to Germany. That's also something I wouldn't worry about right now.

I have made some of the worst decisions of my life based on my desire to be with a guy. I wish someone had been able to knock into my thick skull an understanding of the difference between doing something I wanted to do because there was a guy on the other end and doing something because I, and only I, wanted to do it. When you do something you enjoy you attract people who enjoy the same things too, have the same goals and values. I'm not saying this guy is or isn't that person, but if in four years, you've taken my advice and lived for yourself, the right people will be around you to support you doing the things that matter to you.

Spanish in the US is a much more useful language. German is an incredibly cool, yet incredibly difficult language. If you've already got years of Spanish under your belt I would recommend keeping up with it. Learn German if you want in your spare time. Try Duolingo. Free, fun language app. But if you do well enough in Spanish in high school, you can place out of most language requirements in US universities. I did that with French. It helped me tons!

But yeah, that's my advice, "be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

[whatruckus]

I can't really add much to what the other two ladies have said. But, yes, you are 14. A lot of things will change in those few years before you leave for college, trust me. Live each day as it is right now. You still have another 2 years before you start really looking at colleges and applying.

[Unconditional]

I have to agree with the previous posters. I changed quite a bit between 14 and the age I am now.
I didn't even think about college until I was 17! I can't imagine thinking about that at that age.
One huge piece of advice is simply DO NOT go to a college based on it being closer to your SO- keep your options open on what other colleges have to offer you. That is the biggest piece of advice I have ever gotten on that situation of choosing colleges.

[Honour]

Thing is, you're way too young right now to worry about college. I was 16 when I started figuring it out, but I changed so much from the 14 year old I was in the past 8 years that I don't even recognise my old self. You may THINK you know what you want, but what you think NOW and in several years time may drastically change.

[p_b82]

Ignoring the fact that you haven't left school yet, you are way too young to be really fantasising about kids and longer term relationship issues.

I don't know about how old your BF is, but if he is 14 he WILL NOT be thinking along those lines; personally for me it was not until my late 20's that I started to get the feelings of wanting a family. I still have not decided where I want to live, and I have my own house, and lived in the same city for 15 years now.

I really do not want to come across as condescending or rude, but at your age, this could well be a flash in the pan; a projection of feelings rather than actual genuine love - for him and/or for you. The latter catches us out when we are older and have a little more experience, as I have recently found out to my cost with my now ex. An LDR is extremely tough over that sort of distance, and honestly at your age I would not recommend you commit to it, I think you will end up getting hurt.

So take a deep breath, take some steps back, and try not to grow up quite so fast, and live in the present as you can control this not the future

[Unconditional]

I know you probably don't want to believe us, Heck I didn't believe the older people when they told me this either at 14. I went my own way, and it ended up not working out and I could not be more thankful, I just was not ready for that kind of commitment at 14. So please, we are not being harsh simply realistic mostly because we have either been where you are or know someone who has.

[merlinkitty]

I know you probably don't want to believe us, Heck I didn't believe the older people when they told me this either at 14. I went my own way, and it ended up not working out and I could not be more thankful, I just was not ready for that kind of commitment at 14. So please, we are not being harsh simply realistic mostly because we have either been where you are or know someone who has.

I think that's the hardest part about this one. I know at 14 I felt in control, in charge of myself, like I knew what I wanted and was finally discovering myself. And OP, it's not that any of us are saying your feelings for this guy aren't valid. That's not it at all. But my recollection of myself at that time period was how rapidly I changed. 16 I felt so much more different than at 14, 18 felt like a new me than 16, 21 was a whole person than 18, 25 the things I wanted at 18 no longer mattered for the most part, 28 I finally started the get my feet under me. And while I don't feel the rapid year to year change I did in my teens anymore, I know that I'm continuing to evolve. But I think the major difference is that what was going on in my head at 14 became almost negligible by 18. Certainly the girl I was then wouldn't understand the woman I've become. I think that's why all our advice is to slow down and wait a bit.

I was working a job at 16 and a gentleman came up and we chatted while he was waiting for his wife. He asked me how old I was and I told him and he started singing to me the line from the old John Cougar Mellencamp song "Jack and Diane". It goes "Hold on to sixteen as long as you can. Changes come around real soon. Make us women and men." I would never go back to 16, but there is a piece of me that misses the "simplicity" of that time. I say simplicity in quotes because being a human isn't easy at any age, but there are commitments now that make being a human a lot more complicated. Enjoy your youth hun. You'll never have it again once it's gone.

[CynicalQuixotic]

In all honesty, it might be a good idea to get to a proficient enough level in German to go to university there because it's free, regardless of whether you still have the boyfriend when you graduate.

Viel Glück !