Teens Is this an unrealistic goal?

[LivingInWonderland]

Hello,

I could really use some advice on this, if anyone is able to help out.

So... I have been having a hard time at my house. My parents and I don't get along, we fight a lot, and things are getting to that point where I am thinking it's time for me to start saving some money, and move out with a friend or someone when I turn 18. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, trust me. I just could use some advice.

My boyfriend and I have kind of talked about getting an apartment together in a few years. I'm thinking I'll be moving to him (if it comes to that. I hate to make promises, and long term plans such as that, just to avoid disappoint. And I don't want to make it harder for us if worst comes to worst and we do end up breaking up. In my heart I feel like we won't, but I still don't want to make promises). But my question is..... is it an unrealistic goal to want to get an apartment with my boyfriend when we are both 18? Maybe 19? Would that be a bad idea, do you think? And would we be moving too quickly in our relationship if we did that? I don't have any other friends or family that I could share an apartment with, and there is no way I could afford to live on my own. I have to have a roommate if I want to be able to move out of the house. So..... what do you think? Would it be a really bad idea to move in with my boyfriend a year and some months from now? And is it even financially possible to move out of the house at the age of 18, in this economy? I have a job, and I am pretty good at saving money and I don't have a problem with spending. So I'm thinking it might be okay... But being the age I am, it's hard to know for sure what life is like living on your own and what the expenses are, until you're out the door.

My boyfriend and I haven't met in person yet. And we aren't planning on anything. This was just an idea. If I were to move in with him, it would be after we had gotten the chance to get to know each other in person as well as on here. It also wouldn't be the second I turned 18 or anything. It would be when the time was right, and we could both afford it.

Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks everyone!

[merlinkitty]

Let's just talk about living on your own real quick. I don't think this is an unrealistic goal for you. At 16 I did not get on with my parents well. Without getting into too much gory detail, the household had some major problems. As an adult 20 years later, I can still see there were some things that could have been done differently. But anywho!! Just wanted to let you know I remember being that age and at home. I was thinking about how to move out there about your age as well. I got a job, started saving money, and then did a lot of things wrong.

You're going to, too. But, I'll tell you some advice I wish I'd had back then and hopefully it will help. It's too early right now to be planning who your roommates will be. If you're able to have a job, start saving money like crazy. The more the better. You'll have such a headstart on your peers by the time you're ready to move out. It's going to come in handy so much down the line and you'll be forever thanking yourself for it. Shit is going to happen. Financial planning will help it hurt less.

Start thinking about what you want your life to look like in 5 years. Does it involve school? Does it involve a professional type job? And start planning what steps you need to take in order to make that happen.

I got into an argument with my dad once when I was about 20. I knew I wanted to go back to school. I wasn't sure what I wanted to major in though. I decided that whatever it was that I wanted to do, I wanted to take it to the PhD level. My dad told me (in a not nice manner) that I was being an idiot and to forget the PhD. That I just needed to get through the bachelor's first before I thought of anything else. How I took this was that he was crapping on my dreams. But he was right. I was biting off too much, being unrealistic, and putting the horse before the cart. I finally got the bachelor's degree and I don't ever want a PhD.

The moral of this story is be realistic in your plans. It's a lot of fun to think things like "I want to have a job in a lawyer's office" or "I want to be able to travel a lot" or "I want to have a nice car" but if your behavior doesn't reflect those values, obtaining them is going to be near impossible. I'm just throwing crazy ideas out there, but let's say you want to run off with a circus. This is a great idea. What are your plans for getting there? You need some sort of skill. Monkey training sounds nice. How do you obtain the training for this? Have you tried it before to see if it's something you're going to like? Are you able to work part time to try out being a monkey trainer?

In realistic terms, what this means is if you think you want to work in a professional environment, find one now. Find an office you can work in. My parents steered me toward retail just because "that's what kids do" like having a paper route when you're 12...literally in the 1950s. If you're interested in politics, find political representative locally that will allow you to volunteer/work with them. If you're interested in a medical profession, find a place that will do the same. Part of doing this "moving out thing" responsibly is getting yourself a plan that's going to take you where you want to go. When I moved out all I had were part time jobs in retail to fall back on and while there's nothing wrong with this, it is expensive to live on your own, the wages being paid aren't great, and it really wasn't what I wanted to do professionally. I was interested in archeology. I should have done something that would send me that direction. Would I have been to make a living out of that? Eh, the jury is out still, but I think if you have a particular drive toward something, getting a headstart on it is going to make it a little more focused and give yourself a fighting chance.

I moved out at 19. Failed miserably because I had no plan. Moved back home. Saved money like crazy. Moved back out at 20 and failed for years because I still had no plan. I finally started succeeding when I got a plan together, a realistic one, and started working toward it. You're still pretty young. Things will be changing for you rapidly over the next 10 years. You won't recognize yourself at 26 compared to now. Now I'm not saying that you and your SO can't make a go of it at all. But what I am saying is that instead of moving to him for him, you should always take into consideration what else it is you'd be moving for. You should really never move just to be with someone. You need employment, school, or some sort of other life to be moving to as well. Especially at your age. So no. I don't think it's unrealistic to think about moving out now. But I think you need to realistically plan for it.

[aniay]

I'll just second what Forever wrote like crazy!

[LivingInWonderland]

Thank you for the great advice. I can see where you're coming from, and you're right. I do kind of have a plan going already. For what kind of professions I want to reach for, etc. It's nothing certain. It's just little ideas that I have pieced together. I want to try getting into some kind of veterinary setting, or something of the sort. Or I'm thinking hair dresser. I don't know for sure yet....

I know I am really young, and that I have my whole life ahead of me. Trust me, I'm not jumping into anything. I have always been the kind of person that likes to try and keep a clear head on their shoulders. I won't be moving out just because I'm upset with my parents. It's so much more than that. And I will try and stay as realistic as I can with all of this. I'm not planning anything, yet. A lot could happen in the next two years. Things may change between my parents and I, and maybe I won't have to move out so soon, or even want to at that point. Or there is always that small chance that things won't work between my SO and I. So I don't want to do something like plan for sure on living with him. Not until we have almost reached the points in our lives where that is even possible to do.

Thank you very much for the advice. It's really appreciated.

[merlinkitty]

You know, that made me think. I knew two people from high school that went to work for a vet clinic. I think it was a mobile one, but they were in charge of administering shots and stuff. One friend of mine really liked it, not sure what education she pursued, but I know she does dog shows now for a living. Her's is probably one of the less traditional paths I've seen, but heck! You never know where things might go unless you give them a try

And that's the other thing. Your mind is going to change all the time. I'm in accounting and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up but I keep my eyes and head open so I can find the path I want to take living is an ever evolving process

[Unconditional]

Veterinary medicine doctorates are really hard to get. What do you like most in general about the veterinary scene? (I realize I'm taking this a little off topic, but I'm curious because I'm currently going for my veterinary medicine degree)

[LivingInWonderland]

Veterinary medicine doctorates are really hard to get. What do you like most in general about the veterinary scene? (I realize I'm taking this a little off topic, but I'm curious because I'm currently going for my veterinary medicine degree)

I'm not thinking I want to be a veterinarian. But I would like to go far maybe veterinary assistant or technician. It's a little easier to get in to (from what I have heard anyways), it takes a lot less schooling, and you still get to do a lot of work with animals. Which is what I am going for. I would just like some kind of job in that area, or around there that pays enough to live on, but is still something that I love doing.

When I'm older and have more experience with it, then I might pursue becoming a veterinarian. We'll see.

[Unconditional]

I'm not thinking I want to be a veterinarian. But I would like to go far maybe veterinary assistant or technician. It's a little easier to get in to (from what I have heard anyways), it takes a lot less schooling, and you still get to do a lot of work with animals. Which is what I am going for. I would just like some kind of job in that area, or around there that pays enough to live on, but is still something that I love doing.

When I'm older and have more experience with it, then I might pursue becoming a veterinarian. We'll see.

Yes, far easier to get into, and less schooling is definitely a plus. Best of.lick in whatever you decide to go for =)

[LivingInWonderland]

Yes, far easier to get into, and less schooling is definitely a plus. Best of.lick in whatever you decide to go for =)

Thank you.

[lyonsgirl]

If you want to be a vet tech, start an open line of communication with a local clinic. You may not be allowed to work as an assistant until you turn 18, but it's worth checking into.

Vet assistants need very minimal (to almost no) schooling. Vet techs require either a 2 yr or 4 yr degree at an accredited college, and then you have to pass your licensing exams. Just things to consider.

ETA: Also take into consideration that as a vet tech or assistant, you will be working crazy hours. And by crazy I mean: shifts while your clinic is open, and then you will have to come in when it's closed and clean and feed and medicate. Every day, all year round. Yes, even on holidays and when there's bad weather and everything else is closed. (I currently work at an animal hospital, and these are things that I didn't realize happen before I started working where I do now.)

[LivingInWonderland]

If you want to be a vet tech, start an open line of communication with a local clinic. You may not be allowed to work as an assistant until you turn 18, but it's worth checking into.

Vet assistants need very minimal (to almost no) schooling. Vet techs require either a 2 yr or 4 yr degree at an accredited college, and then you have to pass your licensing exams. Just things to consider.

ETA: Also take into consideration that as a vet tech or assistant, you will be working crazy hours. And by crazy I mean: shifts while your clinic is open, and then you will have to come in when it's closed and clean and feed and medicate. Every day, all year round. Yes, even on holidays and when there's bad weather and everything else is closed. (I currently work at an animal hospital, and these are things that I didn't realize happen before I started working where I do now.)

Thank you, lyonsgirl.

I have a few family and friends that know people that work in a veterinary setting, so I have heard about this before. My current job is very similar to that. Maybe not quite as crazy as I'm sure being a vet tech or assistant is, but my working hours are already very unreliable. And sometimes very crazy. There are nights where I work somewhat late, and then I have to be back very early the next morning. I also work lots of holidays. Which is okay with me. So I do kind of have some experience with crazy hours. Maybe that will help?

I am going to start looking into this career path more this summer, and decide exactly what it is I want to do.