Teens Dealing With The Momster

[kierstypoobear]

I love my mother to pieces and I honestly never thought I would be doing this type of relationship again after the first one went bad. I thought Ben would be my last ldr but it turns out God had different plans for me. The problem is my mother is trying to do everything in her power to make me think he's up to something or make me regret being with someone so far. I don't know why because she did the same thing. She was in a long distance relationship and is now engaged. And my step dad and Brian (my boyfriend) come from the exact same town in West Virginia but what I have isn't real because I'm 18 and she's in her 40's. I don't really know how to make her give him a chance. We all are going to meet my step dad's son and his wife and daughter in the beginning of May so I will be meeting Brian very soon which excites me but...there is always a catch...my mom says I'm not allowed to be alone with him and if I want to go to dinner we all go to dinner together. I love my family but who wants to have a date with their parents tagging a long. That's embarrassing as well as annoying. I wanted them to meet him when he comes down this summer for my graduation and then the week of the town carnival. I just want trust and understanding from my mom. She treats me like I'm five and it pushes me away. Now that I'm 18 I could literally go to West Virginia with them and just leave the motel to have alone time with Brian cause they honestly can't call the cops. I'm legally an adult, but I don't want it to be that way. I want my mom to just let me be happy. But every time I'm in a relationship she finds some way to cause a break up. She either plants crazy ideas in my head or withholds me from seeing who I'm with (even if the guy lives 15 minutes away) Can someone please tell me how you'd handle this situation and advice on how to kindly back my mother (somewhat, not fully) out of my business? :/

[R&R]

Though 18 is the magic age in the eyes of the law, it's not when you are still living under your parent(s) roof. Unless you are capable of moving out and living on your own, you still have to abide by the rules that have been set down.

Have you sat down with your mom and explained to her everything you have told us? I'm not sure it will change anything right away but it will at least make her aware of how you feel. As far as "making her give him a chance" - unfortunately you can't "make" her do anything. All you can do is introduce them and let her get to know him. Maybe once she has spent time with him, she will be a little more relaxed about letting you go do something.

My daughters are 19 & 20. My oldest has been in a LDR w/her SO for 3 years. When he comes home to visit, they have always been allowed to go do things by themselves: dinner, movies, the mall, etc. This time they were talking about a trip away for the weekend. Until I got to know him, my answer to that would have been no. Now that I know him very well, I'd let her go away on a long vacation with him.

As silly as it sounds, it can take parents awhile to realize that your children have grown up. For some, it's much harder than others. But there comes a time when we have to realize that we have brought you up and now we have to trust that you will use what we have taught you to make right decisions. It really isn't always easy and you'll never truly understand until you have kids of your own and they are 18. Honestly, it's a little scary for us too.

[kierstypoobear]

I understand that I must abide by her rules but even when I put control into her hands she still has something to complain about. I let her look for information about him. She came back with nothing out of the ordinary but still hates the idea of me being anywhere alone with him. I don't really understand why she doesn't trust me. She knows that I'm not a virgin, she has even offered to buy me condoms so that she was sure I wouldn't get pregnant so it can't be sex she's afraid of. But I know she's afraid of something. She gives my step dad chance after chance even when he does wrong, so do I, that's why it's hurtful that she won't give Brian a chance for no reason at all.

[differentcountries]

According to your profile, you have only JUST begun dating him, so you don't know him that well yet. If I was your mum I would be concerned too. If you want alone dates with your bf, spend time with him online and get to know him a bit more yourself, as well as give your mum time. Save up money to visit him on your own accord. Growing patience is an adult quality, as you will discover soon enough

[Unconditional]

I agree with the previous replies.
Also, she doesn't know him at all am I right? That could be cause for alarm in her eyes. Perhaps after she meets him she will come around to the idea of you two going on dates alone.