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I don't want to lose her

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    Teens I don't want to lose her

    I hate to make my first post here a cry for help, but at this point I don't know what to do. I'll start with the basics. I'm from the U.S., dating a girl from the Philippines. We've been together around 9 and a half months. Lately, she's been incredibly busy with school, and only just had a chance to really talk last night. She seemed happy to see me, but something was off. She started talking and easing her way in to breaking up. She said it was getting far too hard to continue dating with how busy she is. She told me it's not because of me, but that I distract her from school by talking to her for long periods of time, and that she doesn't want to keep leaving me for a week or two at a time. She said she's loosing her feelings for me because we never talk with how busy she is and she feels bad. She said she's too weak to keep doing this. She admitted she wants to give up because she believes she's a weak person. I pleaded with her to stay, and as far as I can tell she didn't actually end it.

    We've been planning things out for our future since day one. We've known this wouldn't be easy, since she can't tell her parents, and we can't meet until she goes to college. A while back, she suggested going to college here, which at first sounded excellent, but this morning, she said she wasn't coming here anymore. I told her that I didn't feel this was the right place for her anyway. I was already going to tell her this before last night but didn't have a chance to.

    I promised her in the first few days that I would't let her end things no matter how hard they got. I also promised I wouldn't give up. I don't believe she wants to just end this, and I told her that her not having time is fine with me, that I was already waiting two years to see her so a week or two didn't really matter, and I'm happy with what she gives me. She said she wasn't okay with it though, that she doesn't like doing this to people. She feels bad for never being here when I'm upset or something goes wrong, but I told her that she can just be there for me after, when she's available.

    She said we could be friends and I told her we both know that isn't true. She disagreed, but I know that if she doesn't really see me now, she won't make time for me, and I'll continue wanting this and trying get her to fall again. Without any time, and no reason to make time to talk to me, she won't fall again. I don't want to just be friends and have all this die.

    This morning she avoided talking about it, instead talking about where she is planning on going for college, maybe trying to show me that it's going to get harder. She left abruptly, maybe because I upset her or because she just needed to leave and sleep. I feel as if maybe her parents told her to go to sleep, since that's usually why she leaves at night. I'm hoping that tonight she will talk to me more, because it really seems like she still wants us to be together, and I told her if I'm a fool and she really is done, she needs to call me on skype and look me in the eyes. I also told her that even if she really does want this to end, there's things she needs know.

    I've always known this wouldn't be easy, and would only keep getting harder. She's under way more pressure than any person ever should be to be a straight A student in school.

    The whole conversation was with me talking and her typing on skype.

    I'm really happy with her and I'll do whatever it takes for this to work. I'm totally in love with her. What do I do?
    Last edited by Zac B; August 15, 2015, 12:27 PM.

    #2
    As hard as it is, let her go. She has tried to break it off and you won't let her. Try to be friends for now like she asked. You can not make people love you. And it seems like you are trying to force her. Please try to be respectful of her feelings too. If you are not careful and respectful, you will lose her as a friend as well, forever.
    You are 16. How old is she? Have you met in RL? She is smart to think of school first. You both do if you want a chance of being together in the long run...

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      #3
      I was worried I was forcing her. It felt that I might be. She's 16, I haven't met her (no way we could anyway, as much as we'd both like to). I agree she's smart to think of school first, and I guess really it's on me since I don't have a shot at going to college or anything with her already, and school isn't my priority. That's a long story on it's own but it doesn't matter. I'm not used to people devoting themselves to that. If she can't handle this I really just need to support her and not make her feel obligated to stay. I'm still hoping she'll change her mind, since this is the first time we've talked longer than a few minutes for a month, and maybe she's just stressed since her first quarter test just happened, and she's got a lot happening, but I'll take your advice and just be respectful of what she needs right now. She doesn't need more things to worry about, that's certain. There's a lot more I'd like to say but I'll let it be and not make this longer than it needs to be.

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        #4
        That was an amazingly mature way to respond! You did the best you can and offer to be her friend for now. She may end up missing what she doesn't have, or it may end. Either way, you are being mature and not playing games or accusing. Good for you!

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          #5
          This is a lesson you need to learn and the earlier the better. When someone tells you something, LISTEN TO and RESPECT what they have told you. She has made it clear this isn't going to work for her. End of story. From experience, there is nothing more annoying than ending a relationship with someone and they just won't let go. It makes you just resent them and reinforces you made the right choice to end it.

          Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to change that. Most relationships end, CD or LD, because one party doesn't want to be in the relationship any longer and the other person still wants to make it work. Someone is always going to get hurt and want to convince the other person they are wrong. Save yourself a lot of heartache now and in the future by learning to accept it and move forward with your life with this experience and take the lesson with you going forward.
          To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

          ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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            #6
            This came across as generally rude and diminutive, not fostering growth or encouraging acceptance. You obviously didn't read any of my response to Sasad before writing this. Ill be closing this thread for now.

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              #7
              As of this morning, she has decided she would like us to stay together. I didn't force her to stay, but we talked it out in full so we both understood the issues and challenges at hand. I would like to thank Sasad, however, for helping me to relax to where I could think clearly about the situation and decide what to say.

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                #8
                Most excellent news! Keep the communications going. Always!!

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