Teens She's going to a party..

[SillyNorthman]

Hi. I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I'm giving it a try.

Today my girlfriend is at a cabin on a pre-wedding party for her sister-in-law (bachelorette party I guess it's called?), and as you all know, people drink at those parties and this is most likely the case for my SO as well. You'll have to excuse my explanation skills because I don't really know how to put all of this but I'll do my best. Basically, whenever I think of her and alcohol together, I get this really really bad anxious and nervous feeling in my belly. It's unexplainable to me and I really don't understand why it happens. I don't have a problem with alcohol when it comes to other people at all, but when it's my SO then something just twists in me. We are both very anxious and nervous people, and she feels more or less the exact same way as I do when it comes to me and alcohol. She just left a little while ago and won't be able to talk to me until she's back tomorrow probably, and right after she left I just crashed down into my bed and felt a really horrible anxious and nervous feeling in my stomach. She have had alcohol and gotten drunk before (she's not the kind who goes out to party though) but it wasn't until we became a couple that I started to get these strong feelings about it. I've only tasted alcohol before and never actually been drinking, but there have been times where I've had plans where it was possible that I might have done that, and when I discussed these things with my SO she got the same kind of feelings as I did now. She also feels sort of like I do right now because she says she doesn't want me to feel bad about it. She said she kind of wants to drink there and would feel lame if she was the only one not drinking. So I told her that I'm okay with her drinking because I really don't want to be the reason she won't do it at all, that would also make me feel bad in a different way.

In my mind where I think with my logic, it's okay and I don't really see any reason why this should all be a problem, but those feelings deep inside my belly seems to disagree with me. I've tried to think of reasons why I feel like this but I haven't really gotten to an answer. I'm not afraid anything bad will happen to her, so it's not that. The closest I've gotten to an answer is that perhaps I'm just jealous that she gets to do all of these things without me? I don't know, it could be that but I'm not sure at all what causes these feelings. I'm trying my best to sit here and just get over it but it's not working so well. Is there any way I can deal with this, or do I simply just have to sit here and get over it?

Like I said, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I just needed to vent and tell someone about this and maybe get some advice. To some, this might not seem like a big of a deal at all. But to me, it's something that feels like it's slowly eating me up from the inside. She is 19 by the way.

So this is my desperate call for help!

[Zac B]

I encountered a similar issue. I am entirely against alcohol, and I was very anxious about it. My SO and I talked it out, and she concluded that for my sake she wouldn't drink. It essentially destroyed me for a week. If it's really hurting, she needs to know. Somebody shouldn't choose a drug over a person just because they feel obligated to do drugs. Talk to her and make sure she understands how you feel. You said she feels the same way, so she should understand. She doesn't need to do it just to fit in.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Well here is my blunt truth about it: you need to get over it. The only reason why you feel that way is because you don't do it yourself. When you don't have experience with something or feel very negatively about it, that tends to come out in this physical and emotional reaction. I had a similar one when my boyfriend would describe being around weed. I hate hate hate weed and always tried to avoid it at any costs, but it's a normal instance in the Netherlands, so it wasn't a big deal for it to be at parties he was at. Even if he didn't smoke it, it still made me uncomfortable. That was because I didn't understand it nor did I want to be around it myself. However, that gives me no right to say that my SO can't do whatever the hell he wants (among moderation). Alcohol is common no matter where you are and most 19 year olds drink. I am not sure what the drinking age is in Norway, but regardless, if you haven't had much experience with alcohol, then you are going to struggle with your SO drinking. With that being said, share your feelings with her but remember that at the end of the day it's her decision.

[SillyNorthman]

Well you both have some good points. But I think what MissingMyDutchLove says is true, I should just get over it. If I were in her shoes right now, I'd might drink too at that party because I'm not against the idea of drinking at all, I just don't have experience with it as you said. And as I said, I told her she should do it if she wants to, I wouldn't feel very good about myself if she ended up being the only one not drinking there just because of me. :/ The drinking age in Norway is 18 so I only have a few more months until I can legally drink myself. I suggested that the first time I actually drink we should do it together on Skype just the two of us, hopefully at least after that I will stop feeling like this! And hopefully she won't get as much of the same feelings I have now whenever I'm going somewhere to drink.

I think maybe I have a problem with us growing up and doing more "adult" things. I've gotten some weird little feelings for as little as her drinking coffee, and yes I know that sounds really ridiculous. (I'm over the coffee part now)

But anyhow, I think I'm feeling a little better about it right now, and realised some things.

[differentcountries]

If you have the uppertunity, perhaps she can be present first time you drink. It is really not her fault you are not of legal age to drink yet.

[sasad]

Neither is she. 21 is legal age in all of the U.S. So she should not be drinking a all and it is against the law to supply to a minor as well.
Feeling lame because she is not the only one drinking ? Like I said, she is not legally old enough so you have every right to be concerned.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Neither is she. 21 is legal age in all of the U.S. So she should not be drinking a all and it is against the law to supply to a minor as well.
Feeling lame because she is not the only one drinking ? Like I said, she is not legally old enough so you have every right to be concerned.

Real talk for a moment: a great majority of college age individuals drink alcohol regardless of age in the U.S. And technically, it is legal if you're with your parents. I'm not 100% positive this applies for Ohio, but in my state, you can drink legally at any age (even in public) if your parents are with you. Since it's her sister-in-law's party, I'm going to assume that her family is present and, therefore, it may be legal for her to drink.

[whatruckus]

Real talk for a moment: a great majority of college age individuals drink alcohol regardless of age in the U.S. And technically, it is legal if you're with your parents. I'm not 100% positive this applies for Ohio, but in my state, you can drink legally at any age (even in public) if your parents are with you. Since it's her sister-in-law's party, I'm going to assume that her family is present and, therefore, it may be legal for her to drink.

Yep. Also, at every family party, kids at least 17 years old get to drink too. Not as much of course, usually the adults will step in and let them have a wine cooler or two. Hell, at Christmas this year, my SO's little sister, who just turned 18, was drinking Mike's Hard Lemonades. No one bat an eye. She was having a good time, and she was with her brothers, her dad, and her cousins. It's actually pretty normal for things like this to happen. Also, can I ask what you are really worried about? Is it her actually drinking, and maybe getting drunk, or is it that you think she might find someone else to mess around with?

Also, a lot of kids in the US start drinking when they're in high school. I started when I was 19.

If she wants to drink, I don't see what the issue is. But, I don't think she should do it just because she doesn't want to feel "lame". I'm 27. Even I barely drink when all of my friends do. Everyone knows that I don't really like to drink, and I don't really like the taste. If I get made fun of, so be it. It wouldn't be the first time, but your SO shouldn't feel peer pressured into doing it to make herself look "cool". In my opinion, her drinking because everyone else is drinking would make me think she was lame.