Teens how do i tell my family?

[chloemcleish]

This weeks been kind of hard. I've been so busy with work and college, balancing the 2 is impossible. And obviously Matt's been away spending his thanksgiving with his family. So we've hardly spoken which is shit. I didn't want to bother him by messaging him or asking to skype when he was with his family, but oh my god he was on my mind constantly.
Last night I had a spare hour so I asked to skype him for a bit, and even though it was only for half an hour it put me in the best mood. About an hour after I had to go I skyped him whilst I was waiting for my friends. We ended up promising that we'd meet by next year, so we're trying to think of excuses for him to come here or for me to go there (any ideas?). I then skyped him when I was with a couple of my friends- and they love him! One kept saying "where did you find this kid? He's so cool", and the other (who had already met him) kept saying "oh my god hes adorable. I think I've fallen in love. I want to marry him!!". We ended up skyping for like 7 hours. During this time I got high and ended up making a little package to send to him which included tea and a cute little note.
We haven't spoken much today (this time difference is a dick). But he's been on my mind constantly...

Anyway, can anyone help me or give me ideas on how to tell my mum about the whole situation? Thank you!

[yuunai]

First of all I don't think it's "excuses" you should find for a visit. It needs planning and a lot of money and other people's support is nice as well. As for your mum, it's you who knows her and that how she is taking stuff like this one so I'm sure if you think a little bit you will know how to approach this topic. If it's the visit that you want to tell her and not the relationship (I'm assuming she knows about that since your friend met him already), then I think she would understand and she'd be happy for you if you could meet him. As for my mum, she said that for her it's a thing that the guy is visiting first, so that was a plus when I told her that he wants to visit me in summer

I asked my mum about the first visit when I told her about my relationship. She was happy for me, she said yes right away. And she knew him as well because he sent me a necklace for my birthday (January) and we got together on 6 April so it was kinda easy for me.

I have no idea if I was any help. I hope so OwO

[chloemcleish]

By excuses I meant the kind of thing I can tell my mum that I'm doing when im there as well as meeting him. Our plan was for me to volunteer at a marine mammal centre near his house for experience. We both have enough money to visit each other the only thing stopping us is our parents. Im very close to my mum and if I explained I'm sure she'd be okay eventually, but she got annoyed with me having a boyfriend that lived an hour away Unfortunately she has no idea that he exists, the same goes for his parents. His parents are very uptight apparently so we're worried they'll completely ban us from even talking (we've kept this up for 4 years!)
Im glad that your mum handled it well and I wish you and your partner all the best
Yes you were helpful, you've helped me realise that I need to tell my mum if I want this to work!

[whatruckus]

This is in the wrong sub-forum, but back to your question. I agree that you shouldn't be making "excuses" to come see each other or figure out a way to see each other. Be honest with your parents, both of you. I don't know how old he is, but according to your profile you are 16, if he is over the legal age, you need to be careful if you come here to the States. I don't know what the legal consenting age is in San Diego, but some people might be weirded out by it. Anything under the age of 18 in the US and you're still considered a minor. So, there may even be a limit to things that you may be able to do together, unless his parents vouch for you as your guardians while you are here. Again, I'm only speaking for how it is here, and now how it is where you live.

But anyways, you need to tell your parents about your relationship if you are serious about this and serious about making the visits. For visits overseas, I'm not sure if you would need your parents' permission or things like that. Especially with figuring out Visa's or whatever. Plus, it's a lot of money to find some place to stay, book the hotel, get your passport together...etc. Visits take time to plan...and money. It's not just an "on the whim" type of deal.

For telling your mom, just be honest about everything and everything that you would like to share. You don't need to share everything, just what you're comfortable with. How you met, how long you've known each other, how long you've been dating, any details about him you think your mom should know (definitely things about his family, what type of person he is...etc).

[chloemcleish]

I know we shouldnt be making excuses and that we should just be honest, that's why I asked how we should tell our parents so that we dont have to. I am extremely serious about this. I've been doing over time at work for months so I can be able to afford to see him. I literally just need help with the telling my parents thing. He's also 16 by the way, so im not sure if that would be considered weird over there.
Thank you though

[R&R]

As a parent of two daughters (almost 20 & 21), I can tell you that I expect honesty out of them. We have always been close and talked about everything. They know they can always come to me about anything. Am I always pleased or happy about what they tell me? Nope, not at all. But I am glad that they know they can come to me. Hiding things from me is a sure way to for me to lose trust because you can be guaranteed, I'll find out. Especially for 4 years - that's a long time and would seriously having me wonder what else my child hasn't told me and how many other things can I not trust her about now.

The sooner you sit her down and tell her, the better. Be honest and up front. She may not be to happy that you've hidden this for so long but I'm pretty sure she has some idea that there's been something you've not been telling her. And you need to be prepared for her to not let you make the trip. If my daughters, when they were 16, wanted to go to another state alone to meet someone from online that nobody else knew, that would have been a "no". Another country would have been an even stronger no. Unless I was going with her, there are too many things that can go wrong and I wouldn't allow it.

[whatruckus]

I know we shouldnt be making excuses and that we should just be honest, that's why I asked how we should tell our parents so that we dont have to. I am extremely serious about this. I've been doing over time at work for months so I can be able to afford to see him. I literally just need help with the telling my parents thing. He's also 16 by the way, so im not sure if that would be considered weird over there.
Thank you though

Okie dokie, then yeah. Definitely just sit your mom down and just let it out. Better sooner than later, she'll thank you for it.

[TaraMarie]

Where will you stay in the US. You can't rent a hotel room of you are underage. How will you get around? You can't rent a car unless you are 25.