Teens Am I hindering the relationship....?

[TheOnyxStar]

My SO and I have only been together for a few months, and we've never Skyped or anything. I mean we've seen each other on Instagram posts so we know what the other looks like. We set a date early on in the relationship but I got super nervous and canceled on them. I know I probably sound really silly right now, but I have some self-esteem issues and I just didn't feel confident. I actually went pale according my friend who was there to help me get ready.

I've asked my friends for advice but they said that if I really like my SO I'd just go ahead and do it. My SO is okay with it, she doesn't want to rush me into anything but I figured I'd ask if you guys what you thought...

Am I stopping the relationship from going any further?


(I wasn't really sure what sub-forum to post this so I just went ahead and put it here on the one that most applied to me)

[snow_girl]

Am I stopping the relationship from going any further? Yes

[kittyxuchiha11]

I think we can all be a bit self conscious and nervous about letting our SO's see us for the first time on skype and stuff. I mean i've been skyping with mine since May and I still get a bit shy when we do because my camera is kinda rubbish and i never look particularly nice lol. I don't think you're really going to majorly affect your relationship by feeling like this though, you've already said your SO understands and doesn't want to rush you so i wouldn't worry too much about it.
I've started doing this thing where whenever i look in the mirror and think i look sort of pretty i take a picture and send it to my girlfriend and she now does the same it sort of builds up your confidence because obviously you send the picture and then get a compliment about how nice you look and it just makes you feel nice.
I feel you're a lot like my friend who when she first started skyping her ld boyfriend they used to literally just sort of stare at each other and giggle because they were both terribly shy. but after loads of talking on messenger and a ton more skype dates they now can talk away for hours and just are generally comfortable with each other.
Even if you try sykpe with your SO and it only lasts 10 minuets and you feel so uncomfortable you have to go, that's completely fine. Baby steps will get you there and before you know it you'll feel a little bit more confident and not so insecure about ti all :3

[whatruckus]

I think in a way, you might be holding yourself back. But, like kitty said, baby steps.

I'm a terribly awkward person with some social anxieties, and I can be very shy around certain people. I'm an ambivert (mixture of an extrovert and an introvert), but more so on the introvert spectrum. I'm highly sensitive too, so that doesn't help. If the people I'm talking to are loud and lively, I'm going to be loud and lively. But, if they're quiet, reserved, and awkward...I'll be the same way. Unless a topic of mutual interest comes up, I'm like a clam. Lol. I also understand getting nervous the way you did. I'm the same. I have bad general anxiety too, so I know how you feel.

You could also just throw yourself into it, and don't think. Sometimes that works for me, instead of thinking and thinking, and then worrying myself.

[ChloChlo]

You don't sound silly. I was more nervous about my first video chat with my S/O than I was waiting to pick him up at the airport for the first time! It's a nerve-wracking step! Especially after months of emotional bonding - the stakes seem so much higher somehow. Will they still love you after they see all your imperfections and human-ness? If they decide you're not as awesome as they previously thought, it can be a crushing feeling. I also have insecurities and shyness, so I completely understand.

I don't know if "holding the relationship back" is a fair thing to put on yourself - it will probably only make the guilt and nerves you are already feeling ten times worse. You said your S/O is ok with not rushing it, and that is the most important thing. The only schedule this relationship has to follow is the one you and your partner have set out.

Kitty gave you some great advice about baby steps. Maybe even try taking a short video of yourself for your S/O instead of live chatting - just as a way to dip your toes in Do what you need to feel secure and attractive. Bit by bit, it will feel better and easier each time. In my first video chat, I was practically wearing stage makeup and an evening gown. Now I can chat with him in old tank tops and crazy bedhead hair, and he thinks I look just as beautiful. Love! It's nuts.

In the end, the only way I was able to work up the nerve to video chat was to take on a "What The Hell" attitude. I gave myself the old "if he doesn't like me, that's not my fault, I'm awesome and if he don't want me I'll just find someone who does" pep talk. Just to free myself from worrying about all the what-ifs

[Ejoriah]

I know it sounds harsh to say that you're holding the relationship back, but if you look around some of the threads here you'll find that someone refusing to meet or canceling meetings is generally seen as a red flag. It's great that your SO is being supportive and understanding, but I think the vast majority of people in LDRs that start online do want to meet in real life and see how the feelings translate.

I also back up Kitty's advice of baby steps, and add to it to remind you to be very open to your SO about this.

[whatruckus]

I used to take pictures of myself when I thought I looked pretty. Then after we'd been dating for over a year, I sent him a SnapChat (that I saved) of me wearing a mud mask making a really stupid face and said, "Kiss meeeee, I'm Beautiful."

Oh, look I found it and uploaded it to Photobucket. Hahaha. Eventually, you'll get to this point.

[kittyxuchiha11]

Maybe even try taking a short video of yourself for your S/O instead of live chatting - just as a way to dip your toes in Do what you need to feel secure and attractive. Bit by bit, it will feel better and easier each time. In my first video chat, I was practically wearing stage makeup and an evening gown. Now I can chat with him in old tank tops and crazy bedhead hair, and he thinks I look just as beautiful. Love! It's nuts.

Oh yes I totally forgot to mention the sending short videos first, I did that with my SO until we were comfortable too! Also if you don't really voice chat a lot even just sending voice clips to each other can help to get you used to hearing their voice and replying to them. I found it super helpful at the start because generally most of our conversations where just her talking and me giggling nervously. now we have to fight for who gets to talk more lol.

[TheOnyxStar]

Thank you everyone for your lovely advice. I feel better now, especially with all of these ways to slowly 'enter the pool' as it were. You guys have been a lot more helpful than my friends (even considering how many things I've asked in the past, like, week since I joined lol).

I am truly thankful I decided to join this community.