I am a 17 year old boy from the United Kingdom, and have found myself becoming ever more involved in a rather unwelcome situation. I am not sure why I dub such as unwelcome. Maybe it's because of the fact that it is virtual and I don't believe it as worthy of constituting the source of such strong feelings, or maybe it's because without it, I fear I may have nothing left...
In April 2015, I joined a language exchange website, and met her. She is 17 too, her birthday falling a few months after mine. A friendship quickly blossomed, and after a short while we were on Facebook messenger every day.
She lives in a small town in northern France, while I live in its equivalent in North-West England, in the sense that our main pass times are dreaming of running far far away from the sheer nothingness presented in our current locations.
Anyway, we talked non stop until the end of the summer of 2015, quickly surpassing our classmates in our French/English classes due to the almost 24/7 chatting ( so long as I was awake and she was awake, time wasn't a factor).
She began to get more and more romantic with me, sending me drawings she had sketched of my face. I tolerated such to a certain extent as I didn't want to lose my beautiful friend and teacher. But the more she pushed me, the more I found myself developing feelings for her, talking to my mirror in french and pretending we were singing songs together as I sat alone in my room with my headphones. Therefore, I felt that the most appropriate course of action to take, to prevent me from being distracted from reality was to cut contact, and subsequently blocked her from Facebook in September 2015.
I am not entirely sure why, but I never got around to blocking her from yahoo mail, and received an email every few months or so reminding me of what we had. I never responded until a date in August 2016.
I was studying abroad in Nice, France and felt happier than I'd felt in a long time, especially after I had left my home city of Liverpool for my current trou merdique in late 2015. I decided to respond to her for the first time in almost a year, and gave her my Whatsapp details.
She tested the water with me for a couple of weeks, but I state now that we have chatted non-stop since October 4 2016. Every day, every night, until 03:30 G.M.T.!!!!!
My attraction to her is now stronger than ever, and I can feel something. I truly believe that she is the female version of me. She even likes my obscure taste in music! I always achieve the highest mark in my classes, and received an exceptional set of GCSE and AS results, as she has in her studies, even meeting with the deputé of her département to discuss women's rights in front of the media.
I can't describe how I feel, but I truly believe that she could be something rather special, someone who is tailored towards my personality which is often overlooked by the girls with four feet of make up who can't comprehend my lack of desire for a piss up in the pub every weekend, that she is someone who would lead rather than follow, that she sees a relationship other than a life of dirty nappies and roast dinners every Sunday. SMSs have turned to phone calls, these have turned to sleeping together on the phone, and will soon turn to video calls.
So I have a choice... Maybe I am making her fit because of my discontent with the future I see here. Maybe I am just bored, working my arse off for, and also teaching lunchtime classes of a subject which I despise.
Whatever the reason, I am stuck with what to do.
I have gained a place at university, studying economics and Mandarin Chinese, a four year course including one year abroad in Shanghai in 2018. I could have tied myself to the campus railings when I went to the open day, but now I am thinking of turning my back for someone in another country who I haven't yet met.
Yes, she does want to meet me, but we are afraid of wrecking our futures in case we actually do have a spark in reality. Should I take a plunge in the dark and finally go and see her (my mother is a nosey cow and got my little secret out of me, and, God bless her, is adamant I should go to France and see what happens).
However, should I not just keep fantasy as fantasy? I could well keep up the "learning french" pretence, but in all honestly we are now fluent in eachother's languages and can't hide behind education. Our sexual behaviour also makes this curtain more difficult to draw across reality.
So what should I do? Take a shot in the dark with someone who I feel a connection to, or go to China, and focus on a career, a decision made using my brain but not my heart...
Sorry for beating about the bush, any advice welcome
In April 2015, I joined a language exchange website, and met her. She is 17 too, her birthday falling a few months after mine. A friendship quickly blossomed, and after a short while we were on Facebook messenger every day.
She lives in a small town in northern France, while I live in its equivalent in North-West England, in the sense that our main pass times are dreaming of running far far away from the sheer nothingness presented in our current locations.
Anyway, we talked non stop until the end of the summer of 2015, quickly surpassing our classmates in our French/English classes due to the almost 24/7 chatting ( so long as I was awake and she was awake, time wasn't a factor).
She began to get more and more romantic with me, sending me drawings she had sketched of my face. I tolerated such to a certain extent as I didn't want to lose my beautiful friend and teacher. But the more she pushed me, the more I found myself developing feelings for her, talking to my mirror in french and pretending we were singing songs together as I sat alone in my room with my headphones. Therefore, I felt that the most appropriate course of action to take, to prevent me from being distracted from reality was to cut contact, and subsequently blocked her from Facebook in September 2015.
I am not entirely sure why, but I never got around to blocking her from yahoo mail, and received an email every few months or so reminding me of what we had. I never responded until a date in August 2016.
I was studying abroad in Nice, France and felt happier than I'd felt in a long time, especially after I had left my home city of Liverpool for my current trou merdique in late 2015. I decided to respond to her for the first time in almost a year, and gave her my Whatsapp details.
She tested the water with me for a couple of weeks, but I state now that we have chatted non-stop since October 4 2016. Every day, every night, until 03:30 G.M.T.!!!!!
My attraction to her is now stronger than ever, and I can feel something. I truly believe that she is the female version of me. She even likes my obscure taste in music! I always achieve the highest mark in my classes, and received an exceptional set of GCSE and AS results, as she has in her studies, even meeting with the deputé of her département to discuss women's rights in front of the media.
I can't describe how I feel, but I truly believe that she could be something rather special, someone who is tailored towards my personality which is often overlooked by the girls with four feet of make up who can't comprehend my lack of desire for a piss up in the pub every weekend, that she is someone who would lead rather than follow, that she sees a relationship other than a life of dirty nappies and roast dinners every Sunday. SMSs have turned to phone calls, these have turned to sleeping together on the phone, and will soon turn to video calls.
So I have a choice... Maybe I am making her fit because of my discontent with the future I see here. Maybe I am just bored, working my arse off for, and also teaching lunchtime classes of a subject which I despise.
Whatever the reason, I am stuck with what to do.
I have gained a place at university, studying economics and Mandarin Chinese, a four year course including one year abroad in Shanghai in 2018. I could have tied myself to the campus railings when I went to the open day, but now I am thinking of turning my back for someone in another country who I haven't yet met.
Yes, she does want to meet me, but we are afraid of wrecking our futures in case we actually do have a spark in reality. Should I take a plunge in the dark and finally go and see her (my mother is a nosey cow and got my little secret out of me, and, God bless her, is adamant I should go to France and see what happens).
However, should I not just keep fantasy as fantasy? I could well keep up the "learning french" pretence, but in all honestly we are now fluent in eachother's languages and can't hide behind education. Our sexual behaviour also makes this curtain more difficult to draw across reality.
So what should I do? Take a shot in the dark with someone who I feel a connection to, or go to China, and focus on a career, a decision made using my brain but not my heart...
Sorry for beating about the bush, any advice welcome
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