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I am suicidal if you leave me

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    Teens I am suicidal if you leave me

    Shayla, remember the first time ever we text, when you first texted me "hi"

    You started talking about everything and telling me everything about your life like we know each other since forever, I was really surprised and confused

    You started the conversation sending me a pic of a baby then you started sending many pics of you with that cute baby

    In the next day you texted me "hey" and we started talking again, somehow you wanted me to be your brother so I became your bother then you started to act very cute when I sent you some pics of me

    Then... you first said "I love you" and I was very shocked, I started to think seriously about it, but I just replied "I love you too" then I gave you a warning about long distance relationships and some warning about me that I am very sensitive because I am really broken and just got hurt lately because of the same thing but you kinda ignored that or forgot about it and since that time I tried to stay the same and act normal with you like nothing happened

    But it started to be boring as brother and sister, then you found something interesting, you wanted to have a family so we created the Emo family (Facebook group) and it was fun

    Later you posted some love posts about us but it was kinda private on those accounts between you and me only, anyway I didn't think about that much and just ignored it, then we started to get deep in love and we had to text each other everyday all the time and help you with homework and in school, and we video chat

    And we became serious about it (or that was only me, not we) when you start saying things like "I wish you were here", "never letting go" and when you started to share bae and couple goals posts with me and when I told you to ask me anything you want, I gave you my instagram password

    Then I got very attached to you and tried to know everything about you as much as I can (but you didn't know me) then I tried so hard to believe you and trust you

    During our first month I started to change my life goals to be able to help you and protect you and I knew I would be mentally dead if we didn't work it out but I did it anyway because I trusted you, I decided to go be with you forever after high school and continue my education near you, I stopped working on computer, my huge system of works and my other side of work on social media is stopped, and the project I was working on is stopped, no graphics or any developments anymore, only studying hard all the time and I told mom and dad that I must go back to LA and told mom about Georgia, she said yes to everything after high school

    After a while we started to act like we aren't together and I was talking about us all the time but you rarely talk about me or us with other people but I just ignored it

    Later in the same month I started to worry about some things like talking dirty, drinking or smoking anything bad or even talking to people who do this and be friends, then they started talking about it in the group and talking about sex then I saw you just acting normal like they didn't say anything bad then you said "yeah" and "it's good" and agree that weed is good then I said that weed is bad but you said "No" and told me that weed is okay

    Then... I just lost my mind and felt like left behind again so I left the group immediately and started crying because I knew that I can't help you and can't make you a real princess until I am there with you to stop it (my dream was to make you completely clean girl) and I knew I can't do it on chat but I did it anyway and forced you to stop talking to bad people but later I had a problem trusting you, I couldn't believe anything you tell me till I found out your first lie, then I knew that all what I did was wrong and I shouldn't take your love seriously and should just make it like a simple girl and boy texting then everyone go back to their life after a while

    Then I couldn't deal with it and I wanted to die and cut so hard

    After this shit happened, while I was struggling, we talked for a while and I asked why you cared about me and you replied "because you are my bf" but I replied "that's not even true" later I found out I was right... you were just cheating

    And I started cutting all the time and crying like a baby, then I knew that I am done mentally

    You said "Abby I am so sorry" then asked me "how I can fix it" (dating other guy) but then you started talking about your life and depression and got me as always then I told you that I am very sorry and made it like I am who cheated on you (in the end you didn't fix it and kept dating him)

    In the next day, you were in school, he told me to text you on instagram and asked me if I am your boyfriend or your best friend and I told him the truth, then you told me to leave if I want *you don't want to know what was my reaction* then he told me what you said about me...

    After school you kept texting me and I had to reply then you kept saying serious things like "I can't stay alive without you" and I had to believe that because I was completely destroyed and weak

    And you kept saying these serious things everyday then we tell each other "goodnight" and we can't talk

    Now I see you happy without me, it wouldn't make any difference if I left because I know you are talking to others and telling them the same things you told me and you know that's wrong, you should have only one special person
    I was very very very jealous of you it was killing me, but you never get jealous about me, I felt like you wouldn't care if other girl talked to me

    I told you "hold on my dear, I am coming home" but you didn't hold on Shayla, you broke my heart, however I am still holding on because real love is forever.

    This is not drama
    This is real love
    I love you forever
    I am coming for you

    You are distant how, will we ever work this out ?

    💑👫❤💙👑💍💎🌼🌹☔🏠🔒♡

    #2
    Have you sent this to Shayla?

    First Visit: September 2016
    Second Visit: January 2017 (Her birthday)
    Third Visit: June 2018 (medical conference near her home)

    John 3:16
    For God so loved the world. That he gave his only begotten son. For whosoever believeth in him. Shall not perish but have eternal life
    John 4:12
    I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

    Comment


      #3
      Your life is so much more important than you realize.. Please take a couple steps back and take a few deep breaths.
      I understand the pain you must be going through, but no one, no one at all is worth giving your life up for.
      You have the capacity to feel, You have the capacity to understand, you have the capacity to love. Dont ever ever give that up.

      You are so young, have your whole life ahead of you. You sound like you are seriously into computers and want to make a career out of that. Follow your dreams. You will find what you need when you least expect it. Please. Be good to yourself. You have been an amazing person. You need to remember that in your soul.

      Please call someone if you feel filled with despair. Tak to your parents as they seem to believe in you as well. Take care of you.

      Comment

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