Teens Need advice!

[Gewehr22]

Howdie, I'm new here and wanted to ask a few things.

So my gf and I are a rather serious and I care about her more than anything, the only problem is with me having trust issues from child hood abuse and I worry about being boring sometimes. Apart from that I couldn't ask for better and plan on seeing her within the next few months!

I have a rather big problem which is my one guardian who would totally oppose this and my other guardian I've told and is totally for it. The one who would not approve is the one I would need to approve the most because they are very controlling and I feel very small and depressed around. We are rather poor and so is my lover, so 1000 miles has its cost but I'm willing to do anything to see her.

My questions being, how do I negate my trust issues? How do I get around the guardian?

[erwin1973]

Well, I am not from the US, but would a train ticket not be much cheeper then a plane ticket?

About your issues: have a talk with your doctor, see if he can get you to a therapist. I have been (sexually) abused myself when I was your age, and though it still hurts me every now and then, I got over it that much that it doesn't bother me any more in daily life. It's not impossible to get over it, although it requires a lot of determination.

I wish you all luck together.

[R&R]

Well, I am not from the US, but would a train ticket not be much cheeper then a plane ticket?

Actually, train tickets can be more than a plane ticket and what could take two hours by plane could take a day or more by train. I had looked into it myself at one point and couldn't believe it.

The OP is also only 15. Would this require two people to go? I mean, when my kids were 15 I wouldn't have let them travel 1,000 miles alone to visit people I had never met. So, now possibly the cost of two people and one person having to take time off of work to go. Unfortunately, it's not as simple as an adult being able to just hop a plane and visit. There are many more dynamics to consider.

OP, even people who have not been in an abusive situation can worry they are boring or not good enough, etc. It comes with time, learning, sometimes professional help to start to understand that each person brings something different to the table. At 15, you still have a lot of time to go in this process. I'm 46 and still learn new things about myself but have achieved the confidence in who I am as a person. I was bullied as a kid and even suicidal, but that now seems so far away as I learned about myself and how to handle situations and my reaction to how I was treated.

As far as getting around your other guardian - not a good plan. You are growing up and part of that is learning to communicate and have those tough conversations. In the end, your guardian does have the final say. If you go behind their back and they find out (and they will) you willl now lose any trust you had and I can guarantee any restrictions you have now will increase. Growing up also means you learn that you can't always get what you want exactly when you want it and sometimes you have to have a lot of patience.

[Allurial]

I remember having similar issues when I was 16 with my first LDR, but you need to keep in mind the rules and regulations placed on you by your guardians are not unfair. They simply want you to be safe, and traveling long distance to see a lover whom you have never met before can raise some concerns especially with you being so young. You also would not be able to travel alone, at least I would assume, as you need to be a minimum of 18 in most places to reserve a hotel (the usual age is 21) unless you planned on staying with her and her parents/guardians.

Keep thinking about the future but keep it realistic, be the best person you can be and I'm sure she will see that in you. Good luck!