Hi everyone !
I'm new on this website and I'd like to know your opinion/ advices about my situation
I apologize in advance because this might be a really long text.
So I'm 18 and I live near Paris. In February, I met this guy on a penpal app. He's 16 and lives in South Africa. We'll now call him B.
We quickly became friends. We were both in couple but long talks and deep conversations lead us to a special relationship. In March, he left for a month for a bush school thing in the wilderness where technology wasn't allowed. I just kept thinking about him each day during that time, and was counting down the days before he comes back.
When he came back, we were even closer than before he left. Around April, he broke up with his girlfriend because things were just not working anymore. About a months later, he told me he had romantic feelings for me. I first ignored his revelation, because I had a boyfriend at the time, and I felt really bad about it, and was confused about what I was feeling and about the distance. But a short time later, I realized I had feelings too and just decided to tell him. I felt horribly guilty about my boyfriend, but I didn't know if I wanted to end our relationship, which was good, for a guy living on the other side of the planet. Otherwise, that South African guys filled me with joy and happiness daily and everything, including my real relationship felt just dull compared to what I felt for B.
I decided to break up with my boyfriend in beginning of July.
The month of July has been perfect with B, but in August, he started to become distant, I saw on his social media he was getting closer and closer to another girl and I felt something bad was about to happen. I was right, because he finally told me he didn't know what he wanted anymore and didn't know if he still had feelings for me. It was a tough time for him because he was having trouble with his family and was a bit depressed. Quickly after that he confessed me he was lying to me since few weeks because he didn't love me romantically anymore. It broke my heart and I felt betrayed. I decided to not talk to him for a while, he spammed me with desperate texts, saying he was sorry and that he needed me, that I was still his favourite person and the best thing that ever happened to me. I missed him too much and decided to come back. From that, he was all sweet and I just tried to forget this episode because it hurt me and I wanted to enjoy my last days of vacations.
In September, after a little fight, he told me he kissed that girl I saw on his social media, but didn't know what to think about it, even though she was thinking they were together. It really hurt me and from that I sent him a text saying good bye, deleted every picture of him in my phone and, mute his notifications everywhere on my phone and decided to forget about him. It lasted 2 days before I gave in and read all the texts he sent me. He was still saying his life without me was boring and sad and that he missed me like crazy. He was begging for me to come back. We had then a long talk, with a lot of tears and he told me that he still wanted "to be mine" and us to be us. We never clearly established what was our relationship exactly, and we were both okay with this, but the idea of him being with someone else just broke me.
He told me he was feeling alone and that's why he kissed her but kept telling me I was still his faourite person. I somehow understand that he needs physical affection, and I do too, but I would never be able to be with someone else, he is too much in my thoughts.
Later, he told me that he never stops thinking about me, even when he's with her, that he only feels real when he talks to me and when I ask him why he's with her, he says he doesn't really know. I asked him if he would leave her if I asked him too, he said he would. I know each time he hurts me, he hurts himself, he punchs trees until his knuckles bleed. He is a very sensitive person and his life is not perfect at all, he has a lot going on in his head, with his family problems and the pressure he puts on himself about school
Last month, his father came to Paris for work and I met him and received a package from B as I also gave him a package for his son. He had written me a very touching letter,with a little poem, and gave me the drawings he made for me and that I only saw on screen and other gifts.
Recently, we had a talk and he told me that he actually never stopped loving me but that it was too much that it scared him and thus he tried to "shut it down", but failed.
I know he's constantly fighting to make his life better, to fix his family, to survive every day life with all his problems. I know he cares more about people than about himself, he keeps saying I am the only reason he gets up in the morning and that he would give evrything to spend only a minute with me, but after everything that happened, I really don't know what to trust, what to think. There's many words, but few actions.
I accepted the idea of him being with this girl, but I can't help having doubts about his real feelings toward me, or us.
Plus, meeting him in real life seems a little complicated since he has a girlfriend, which what hurts me the most.When I talked to him about it,he said that he doesn't care about the rest of the world since he's with me.
The whole situation bugs me, to be honest, I'm hurt and jealous because of that girl but I feel bad toward her too because she seems to be really attached to him, and I'm so confused about what to think.
What do you guys honestly think about this ? Do you have any syggestions ? What should I do ?
Thank you very much for reading everything, you rock.
Sending love from France to all of you
I'm new on this website and I'd like to know your opinion/ advices about my situation
I apologize in advance because this might be a really long text.
So I'm 18 and I live near Paris. In February, I met this guy on a penpal app. He's 16 and lives in South Africa. We'll now call him B.
We quickly became friends. We were both in couple but long talks and deep conversations lead us to a special relationship. In March, he left for a month for a bush school thing in the wilderness where technology wasn't allowed. I just kept thinking about him each day during that time, and was counting down the days before he comes back.
When he came back, we were even closer than before he left. Around April, he broke up with his girlfriend because things were just not working anymore. About a months later, he told me he had romantic feelings for me. I first ignored his revelation, because I had a boyfriend at the time, and I felt really bad about it, and was confused about what I was feeling and about the distance. But a short time later, I realized I had feelings too and just decided to tell him. I felt horribly guilty about my boyfriend, but I didn't know if I wanted to end our relationship, which was good, for a guy living on the other side of the planet. Otherwise, that South African guys filled me with joy and happiness daily and everything, including my real relationship felt just dull compared to what I felt for B.
I decided to break up with my boyfriend in beginning of July.
The month of July has been perfect with B, but in August, he started to become distant, I saw on his social media he was getting closer and closer to another girl and I felt something bad was about to happen. I was right, because he finally told me he didn't know what he wanted anymore and didn't know if he still had feelings for me. It was a tough time for him because he was having trouble with his family and was a bit depressed. Quickly after that he confessed me he was lying to me since few weeks because he didn't love me romantically anymore. It broke my heart and I felt betrayed. I decided to not talk to him for a while, he spammed me with desperate texts, saying he was sorry and that he needed me, that I was still his favourite person and the best thing that ever happened to me. I missed him too much and decided to come back. From that, he was all sweet and I just tried to forget this episode because it hurt me and I wanted to enjoy my last days of vacations.
In September, after a little fight, he told me he kissed that girl I saw on his social media, but didn't know what to think about it, even though she was thinking they were together. It really hurt me and from that I sent him a text saying good bye, deleted every picture of him in my phone and, mute his notifications everywhere on my phone and decided to forget about him. It lasted 2 days before I gave in and read all the texts he sent me. He was still saying his life without me was boring and sad and that he missed me like crazy. He was begging for me to come back. We had then a long talk, with a lot of tears and he told me that he still wanted "to be mine" and us to be us. We never clearly established what was our relationship exactly, and we were both okay with this, but the idea of him being with someone else just broke me.
He told me he was feeling alone and that's why he kissed her but kept telling me I was still his faourite person. I somehow understand that he needs physical affection, and I do too, but I would never be able to be with someone else, he is too much in my thoughts.
Later, he told me that he never stops thinking about me, even when he's with her, that he only feels real when he talks to me and when I ask him why he's with her, he says he doesn't really know. I asked him if he would leave her if I asked him too, he said he would. I know each time he hurts me, he hurts himself, he punchs trees until his knuckles bleed. He is a very sensitive person and his life is not perfect at all, he has a lot going on in his head, with his family problems and the pressure he puts on himself about school
Last month, his father came to Paris for work and I met him and received a package from B as I also gave him a package for his son. He had written me a very touching letter,with a little poem, and gave me the drawings he made for me and that I only saw on screen and other gifts.
Recently, we had a talk and he told me that he actually never stopped loving me but that it was too much that it scared him and thus he tried to "shut it down", but failed.
I know he's constantly fighting to make his life better, to fix his family, to survive every day life with all his problems. I know he cares more about people than about himself, he keeps saying I am the only reason he gets up in the morning and that he would give evrything to spend only a minute with me, but after everything that happened, I really don't know what to trust, what to think. There's many words, but few actions.
I accepted the idea of him being with this girl, but I can't help having doubts about his real feelings toward me, or us.
Plus, meeting him in real life seems a little complicated since he has a girlfriend, which what hurts me the most.When I talked to him about it,he said that he doesn't care about the rest of the world since he's with me.
The whole situation bugs me, to be honest, I'm hurt and jealous because of that girl but I feel bad toward her too because she seems to be really attached to him, and I'm so confused about what to think.
What do you guys honestly think about this ? Do you have any syggestions ? What should I do ?
Thank you very much for reading everything, you rock.
Sending love from France to all of you
Comment