Teens Advice for a complicated long distance age gap

[xxfirefoxdragonxx]

Hey everyone, I need your people's advice here. I've known this guy that I adore for almost 3 years now. The reason why it's complicated is that for 2 of those 3 years we've been we dating one and off, once in August 2016 for 6 months then stopped because he told me I could do so much better and then on May 2018 I felt like I kinda forced my feeling on to him because I gave him this letter and was giving him hints. So we dated for a month until I felt like he wasn't paying attention to me because he was playing fortnite all the time. Plus we have a fairly big age gap. I'm currently 17 turning 18 in February and he's 25 turning 26 in December this year.
I've never closed the distance yet because my parents are very strict on internet friends, so I plan to go see him when I turn 18 because he lives in the USA, 2 hours east of Boston, MA.
I can't get him off my mind. I've tried to date other people but I still think I want to be with him. My heart still wants to be with him.
For the past couple of months, he seems to grow distanced with me. I have been backing off from my feelings, it's not been easy tho. To be honest I think reality has just hit him that we’re probably not gonna work out since his family did find out and dad highly disapproves the relationship. So here are my questions. 1) Should I even go see him because we are still technically friends or am I just wasting my money? 2) If anyone lives or has been during that time in Boston or the surrounding area, how is the weather in April or if I should just go in the summer? Because I was thinking of going there for a convention there that month so possibly have a reason to go see him.

[Rezie]

I think the first question is that does he want you to visit? you are going there to the convention soon then I'd reccomend meeting up then. Are you currently in a relationship or friends?
Don't plan on any distance closing until you have met or established your future together. Boston weather can be unpredictable but it shouldn't be the determing factor when visit.

I have to say that there is a lot of drama for two people in on and off ldr. With him ignoring you for games, pulling back, you pressuring a relationsship, parenta disapproving. Have a talk. Does he want to meet up? Do you guys want a relationship? Expectations for the relationship? Is it just an online chatting or actually desire to have a relationship? Better to stay as friends?

[xxfirefoxdragonxx]

When I’ve asked him that a long time ago he told me he would but the cost of a passport is expensive which I kinda agree. But I don’t think cost would matter so much if you would want to actually see the other person.

The convention is in April so not that far and currently we are just friends because last year we made this promise that we wouldn’t consider being in a relationship again until we saw each other in person.
I totally understand and agree where your coming from. I know we need to talk, and I’ve brought it up many times. But I think that’s my next thing I don’t know how to bring it up since I don’t want to seem clingy. When I do bring it up he’s like we’ll see when that time comes, but that was when it would be October and I would be asking what if I saw him in summer. It doesn’t help that also when I ask him question he usually replies with i don’t know responses.

[Rezie]

Don't worry about appearing clingy. In relationships you shouldn't play games. He is an adult and if he feels that you at handing clingy then he can verbalize it. You wanting a conversation and him not being mature enough is not being clingy. If probably cool it off a bit until you meet in April. Just general contact but nothing too intense. Since he is so wishy washy it's better to visit when you are in the area anyway. Once you meet up then you might get your answer.

Sure, passports are expensive as is traveling but if you are traveling to the area. Is he open to meeting up with you then?

[kittyo9]

Toronto's not that far from Boston. :P It's not so different, just a few degrees warmer. April tends to be rainy, and with Boston on the coast, it can be kind of chilly with a humid breeze. No reason not to go, just dress for the weather.

I think you should put away any notions of a relationship for now and just see if you can meet up with him when you go to the convention (if you go). It would be a good opportunity to meet somewhere public, as well, so there is less risk of something going wrong. If he doesn't want to meet up, then it's his loss-- you were willing to put effort in to see him, and he's given you a clear sign that he is not interested. A successful relationship is one in which both partners put in effort.

Also, passports are $145 for a first-time adult applicant, and they're good for 10 years, as well as good for all sorts of ID, both international and domestic. I haven't had to dig up my birth certificate or social security card for anything in nearly a decade because I've been able to use my passport instead. Although he technically doesn't need to have a passport to enter Canada by land, it still makes things a lot easier.

Is he working or in school?

[xxfirefoxdragonxx]

Thank you, that’s what I’ve been thinking. Even if he does show up and that doesn’t work out I still have the enjoyment of being at the convention. He’s working btw.

[2Rocky]

As a young woman, you have a great deal of opportunities to have a lot of fulfilling relationships with all sorts of people....And as we age our perspectives change. Please forgive me if this sounds like "Mansplaining"

As a Man, and as a Father, a 25 year old who would be interested in an 18 year old is suspect because there is so much maturity that happens between those two ages, particularly when you have university education, and workforce experience to shape your perspective of the world by the time you are 25. If a person is the same person at 25 as they were at 18 they haven't grown much.

In our grandparents time Men from age 18 and 25 weren't that different. Usually that was before and after the war (WWII for my Grandparents, and Korea and Vietnam for my parents) and that was what changed their perspective.

I really think LDR also has the prerequisite for financial stability and independance to stand a chance of having a future. Because it has no cost to communicate it is easy for couples to "fall in love" with the idea of one another and no pressure to be charming in person, on a date. By all means feel free to meet up with this guy during the conference, but dont be surprised if 1) he pushes for physical intimacy right away or 2) totally ignores you. Or both...

Your history with him doesn't inspire much confidence, and I think you should see yourself as a higher value person.

[Allurial]

Is the convention you are thinking of attending Anime Boston perhaps? I've been going since 2008 - good convention but very crowded now. If he is working as a 25 year old he should be able to dole out less then 200 for a passport if something really matters to you.