Father's Day

[blankita719]

I don't like today. My own father was kind of in and out of my life - he's always been around, but sort of took a break from actually being a dad to me while he was busy raising his 2nd family. My grandfather was really like my father, and he passed away in October so I don't have him around any longer to celebrate. Plus I'm a single mother - my ex hasn't seen his son in over 3 years and does nothing to help support him.

I think my SO is a great father, and I did something for him, but on the whole, I don't like this day.

Anyone else feeling like this? I'm going to go shopping and buy myself a treat today and try to ignore all the happy dad's running around with their families. I will be going to see my dad today because he lived with my grandmother and I've been trying to cook for them one night a week to help out, so he sort of gets that as a present. Plus I made him a cake. But otherwise, I wish I could sleep through this day. If you're lucky and you have an active present dad for your child, even if you hate the guy, just try to remember that he's involved and be grateful.

And if you're with me - Happy Father's Day to you for doing BOTH jobs and kicking ass at it!

[notyourexgirlfriend]

I really do feel for you. Father's Day isn't until the first Sunday in September here. Australia is a little bit different. Even though my father and I haven't always seen eye to eye he's always been there when it's really mattered. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have had the chance to fight for custody of my daughter. The fight isn't over yet, still waiting on the decision to be handed down by the Federal Magistrate.

My ex husband is about to be a father again. He and my ex friend are expecting a child in the next month or so. The disappointment I have in him stems from the fact that he never could find the time to be there for me when I needed him when I was pregnant with our daughter yet he can drop everything to be there for his new partner and that he sees his social life to be more important than being there for our daughter and that the things he wants to do are more important than our daughter spending time talking with me online. I only get to speak with her 3 times a week (minimum requirement as set out in interim court orders) and he wants to cut that back to 2 times a week because it's too much of an inconvenience for him and his now partner to facilitate. It would be so easy to let him get to me but I take the higher ground because our daughter is much more important than petty bickering with him.

At least I get to see my daughter next Saturday. She's flying 2500km from where she lives with her father (long story as to why she didn't end up coming with me when we separated) to visit me for 4 weeks of her mid semester holidays. She can't wait to get here and spend time with me doing the things that mothers and daughters do.

My SO, even though he hasn't physically met my daughter has spoken with her on numerous occasions. She has a certain bond with him. She doesn't know the full extent of our relationship yet, I'm waiting until all of the court processes are finalised before I tell her what he means to me but the fact she is so at ease communicating with him via Skype and that he takes a genuine interest in her melts my heart.

Sorry to hijack your thread. It all just came rushing out for some reason.

[CandiCandi]

Well, here's my ordeal. My SO and I actually talked about this a LOT last night. I was feeling pretty depressed. My relationship with my SO has made me question my severed relationship with my father. I haven't talked to him in 9 years. It was my choice. I see how great of a dad my SO can be and I see similarities between my mother and the mother of his children and even *he* can see those comparisons. The thing is, both of my parents were in and out of my life. My mom would disappear for months at a time, was a stripper, did drugs, we got robbed by her shitty "frenemies" when I was about 5-7 (I can't remember what age) and to this day haven't conquered those demons (even though, I live with her right now and the relationship is being repaired). My father, however, tried very hard to warn me about my mom's behavior and how big of a mess she was, but *how* he did it wasn't the right way. If he had done it more compassionately, we would be on a different page. He'd tell me at the age of ten when I told him I wish he'd be more of a father to me and less of someone who dropped me off on the weekends to his mother's (who physically abused me) and he said, "At least my mother's not a titty dancin' mama." He did a lot of drugs. He put one of our cats in the dryer and turned it on after it bit my sister for getting up in his face. It was an elderly cat that loved me a lot when I'd come over. My stepmom told me he'd cry every night in bed because he didn't have custody of me. He actually did talk to me and apologize and tell me one day he loved my mom, but feelings and people change, and that while he no longer loved her, he did not hate her as a person and that if I ever felt like his second family was coming first, to tell him and we'd go do something together. He was bipolar (diagnosed) and one day, couldn't afford his medicine. He unplugged the phones, the televisions, any type of entertainment and told everyone to sit in the living room and pay attention to him. I guess on one side, I really dislike my father for all the shitty things he did. On the other hand, I can see he had a disorder and I appreciate the fact he's shown remorse over some things that have happened, that he's got that sensitive side (my SO's father is pretty cold, in comparison - as in, has paid people to go kick my SO's ass. Yeah. That.). I'd like to clarify though that I don't want to use my father's bipolar disorder as an excuse for his actions.

I wrote him last year. He never answered, but I kept getting phone calls about the same time every day from a number. I always ended up missing them, no one left a message, and if he ever got my Facebook message, he never replied. So, I wrote a second, angrier one and said that for so many years, people had blamed me for us not talking. A lot. A lot of people. That it was no longer my fault. Until, on a really kind of funny occasion, I pranked my SO on Facebook and he told me, he'd never gotten any of those messages. We wondered if the same thing happened to my dad's messages. He has pictures of me when I was younger on Facebook, but in all reality, my stepmom uploaded them.

There was such a strong moment a few weeks ago where my SO was looking at pictures' of his kids and was almost tearing up, because you could tell how much he missed the two and it hit home. I told my SO, I guess I just wish I knew my dad missed me just as much as he misses his kids. He told me that he knows my dad misses me. My SO and I have similar relationships with our dad's too. He also does not speak to his, but his is less emotional, more hardened and he told me, he feels more comfortable not forgiving him because he knows he'd end up in the emotional state I am in now (depressed about my relationship with my father). My stepdad has been around since I cut ties with my dad, but he's slowly showing me that he isn't really a father (towards me or my step-sister. He's got a bunch of kids', but there is one step-daughter of his in specific that I feel I can relate to the most).

I can't tell you I hate the day, though. My SO is just this overwhelmingly great father, in my eyes, to his two kids. One of which isn't even his, biologically but his dad has been in and out of prison, so despite the broken relationship with his mom, he's taken him in and even though, I know people tell him a lot that he's a good father, I like that once a year, people will make him feel good about that, that he'll get that recognition or cute gifts from his children that he will have to cherish and it makes my heart happy to see him happy like that. I guess it helps to have that inspiration of how good a father he is to his kids, when you're going through the dark tunnel.

[garnet]

The man that got my mom pregnant (that's as good of a title as he's going to get) actually just threatened me and my son, so if I didn't hate the day before I REALLY hate it now. Nate has a good dad, but I have sooooo many issues from my life prior to the baby that it's a crap day for me for sure.

[Zephii]

We always just bought our mum a gift or did something special for her. Fathers always just seemed like they were more trouble than their worth.