Feeling so sad & guilty leaving my son!

[garnet]

Ugh! I haven't seen my SO since November, and we're planning a trip for our one year anniversary (end of June). Ten days. Two of them are spent mostly traveling though. I miss my SO. His son is going to be visiting his mom out of state for 6 weeks, so we would have our first truly alone time.

The first time I went to see my SO, my son hadn't yet ... I don't know, his personality hadn't popped yet, he was too young. I missed him, but I know he was pretty meh on my leaving. The second time, he came with. This time, he will be very upset to see mama go, and it's going to break my heart! He does new things every day, and even though it's a short trip, I wonder what I'll miss. I feel so guilty too.

I am his primary care taker, and I know I deserve ten days out of the year for myself, maybe it's worse because I was so close to losing him as a baby and his disease now keeps him in constant danger, or maybe it's just a mom thing.

Anyway, how do you, parents of YOUNG kids deal with this? Like age 5 and under. I can't even get excited I'm so conflicted.

[Verojoon]

Well in my case (My youngest has just turned 5, so she was 3 the first time I left) it was going to be the first time my ex-husband would be taking the kids for more than 2 days, so it seemed like the best time to take a trip to keep my mind off missing them too much! It worked... mostly... guilt did pop up at random and not so random times... Like when we went to the beach and I saw little kids playing I would get hit by a big pang of guilt... Like they would have loved it here... When I came back, it was weird. The first time I saw them again after a week, I was shy with them. But they just rushed to me and told me all they did... and it was so surreal for the first while... But it's gotten easier... not just because of age but because we are getting used to it... I still feel sad, not so much because I'm not taking them on that one trip, but because they haven't come on any of them... I would love for them to experience it some of the time...

[blankita719]

With as much as you give of yourself to him - if ANYONE deserves a few days off it's you

I go on a cruise without my son for a few days - every year since he was 14 months old. The less of a big deal you make out of it, the less of a deal he will make out of it. I know it's hard to go away but hey - there's always Skype so he can see your face and know that you're still there for him! You have to let yourself relax and enjoy the alone time. Moms need it - especially with our SO's!

[Ahava]

I've gotten used to spending time without the children (youngest is 5 oldest just turning 9) since I split up with their dad 1,5 years ago. Usually the longest time without them is a week but in the summer he has them for two weeks in a row (and so do I) so that can be hard. In the beginning it was REALLY hard. I felt like the crappiest mother ever having been the one who wanted to break up the (100 % disfunctional) family. Nowadays I've learnt to enjoy "my time" without them.
As for trips, we have only done short ones, so me been away has fallen into the normal routine, them been with their dad or their grandparents. When my SO has been here, the kids have spent one long day with us both times.

I would also love to take them with me to see him (hopefully maybe next year). At the moment can't afford to as we are going on holiday else where in June, something which was already planned last year.

[arrah5]

I stopped feeling guilty about having "me" time a long time ago. My oldest is 15 and my youngest is 6. I have been divorced from their dad for almost 3 years, and again, he gets them for 2 weeks in the summer, and for the week after Christmas. Its hard the first couple of times, and I wouldn't say I feel guilty doing fun things without them, but I definitely miss them at certain times. Eventually it gets easier, and you learn to enjoy your time without them, as long as you are sure that they are well cared for and safe, then you are doing the best that you can. Missing them is natural, but don't feel guilty for taking time to have a life of your own.

[digitalfever]

I know I’m not someone with children but I wanted to say as someone that was raised by a single mother that had to travel for work I never would have wanted her to feel guilty for leaving me!

In fact, even at a young age I knew she did more on her own and needed to get away from me (hehehe.) I think you should just let go and have a guilt free trip.

[Tanja]

Awww Sarah, do not feel guilty. You definitely DESERVE some adult time with your SO.

As for leaving Nate, is Chase gonna be looking after him? If he is then at least you know he's in great hands and you have nothing to worry about.

I know that because of his condition you must feel like every moment counts and you dont want to spend time without him. But think of it as a way to recharge your batteries so you'll be as good as new when you get back home and in a better state to take care of him. You do a phenomenal job and you deserve some stress free alone time. Don't be so hard on yourself

[80anthea]

Just repeating what everyone else has said, don't feel guilty! I left my 4-year old at home with grandparents when I went to see SO and will do the same again when I go back in August. She had a fabulous time and I think it did us both the world of good having a week away from each other.

[srtd35]

I have a 4yr old with a medical problem also so I completely understand where you are coming from but from my experience he misses me a lot less than I miss him. He loves being with his dad or grandparents who ever he is with when I am gone. He might ask for me or talk about me and if he does I talk to him on the phone and he tells me all the fun stuff he is doing. As long as you are leaving your child with someone you trust they will be fine. I bet you miss him more than he misses you!

[garnet]

Thanks everyone. He'll be with his dad and grandma, and we do have Face Time! Plus I'm dyyying to see my SO. It's just been too long! I'm sure I'll be bawling at the airport, coming and going, I need my boys in the same place.
Going to enjoy my time in Tucson though.