Am I being Unrealistic?

[sjaimangal]

Hi LFAD community,

Hello i wanted to make a post about something that has really been hitting me hard lately for the last couple of months. I'm 21 years old and my girlfriend is 30 years, and we've been dating for almost 3 years, actually July 18th happens to be 3 years.
My Girlfriend has 2 children of the age of 10, 11 and both are wonderful kids, but a huge handful for her.

This is something that i get on a regular basis as far as messages go:

"these kids fighting and stuff its so hot we havent been home when we are its a shit fest im tired my tooth is swollen mouth so ya i been trying to keep them happy" (excuse her language, she very rarely swears so im concerned)

Anyways her messages are very scrambled.

Now that school is out for the summertime, her time seems to have shorten dramatically. and its been a while since we spent some quality time together, and im really on the verge of breaking down. I've brought this up to her serveral times and I always get a good response but. its always turns out that she cant make it or was to busy. And she tells me how bad she feels about not giving me the time. I want the time for US together not for myself, I feel like i have been a job to Her this last month and a bit and being that we are LDR i cant do anything physically to help her out, lighten her daily's you know , "Laundry, dishes, cooking" you know the ordeal. I say the nice things to hear always make sure to message her daily. And she has such a hard time open up to me sometimes, and tells me that it frustrates her re hashing the things that happened the last couple of days she tells me ," I rather just keep it to myself so i don't bother you with my problems" I told her that her problems can be shared, and i can help her through it as much as a i can. I feel like i have been the best emotional supporter i could ever be. Ive been trying to get her to message me back since Monday of this week, and its almost Friday. She tells me she out with the kids and stuff, so she doesnt have access to facebook and, well her phone dies all the time. very fast especially in this heat.

Also she has multiple facebook accounts. which really got my going. and she blocks everything on her facebook, because apparently people always are bothering her, and harassing her with different things (family Related) I know what she uses the accounts for which is to get extra bonuses on the games she enjoys playing on facebook. But even though i know that fact it really bothers me. Am i completely wrong in this matter, and if im not how to i approach her with it, and not tick her off.

I know everything is a compromise in a relationship, i want to let those facebook things go but its seems that im not able to..

Also to add on top of other daily routines she has to keep with. she doesnt have great self esteem, for example, i always have to ask for pictures and all that, and face cam. I know she isnt comfortable with the idea of caming on skype and all that but she does it for me, I would love to recieve beautiful pictures of my girlfriend but just doesnt happen. There are other things as well that pop up that are just frustrating the small things that matter in a relationship like taking that important time together. it never happens. Its come to the point where i only get messages from her 3 maybe 4 times a week if im lucky.

Because the none frequent face cam we get its always starts off a little slow, and we're both shy. and by the time we start getting comfortable with each other she has to leave.


We used to spend a lot of time together. and now that her kids are getting older it seems they are more and more of a handful.

Please Help me Im young, and dont understand if im pushing to much on her. I dont want to lose her cause i think she is the one, ive dated her for a long time now, and none of my relationships where as joyeous as this one.
Do other LDR couples with Children deal with this were they have very limited time together.


this thread turned into more of a How do I cope with all this better. UGH im just so frustrated

Cheers,

SJ

[blankita719]

Yes Yes Yes.

Being a mom is a full time job. If she's working somewhere outside the home, then she's essentially got two jobs. I love my SO but there are definitely some nights where I have no energy to talk at all because I am drained -and I only have 1 child. The same goes for my SO.

It's difficult for you to understand if you're younger and without the encumbrances. She will make the time if it's important, but you have to understand that her children are always going to be a priority and sometimes that means you are going to get less time with her. Children take attention. Good parents pay attention to their kids, spending time with them, working with them, giving them what they need so you can't begrudge her for being a mother.

As far as FB goes, I used to play games everyday and I knew people who had multiple accounts for games. I didn't have time for all of that, but you could always ask her if she could take some time away from playing the games and spend it with you. You don't mention in your post, but is your time flexible? If so, then you've got something to work with and try to let her know you will be there when she can be too.

[sjaimangal]

Im a Graphic Designer full time, work from home, so my time is very flexible. I feel like I need some word in edge wise, but she doesnt explain what she does and its just frustrates me

[Kinderkimber]

I'm having some of the same issues. I have a daughter that is 8 and he has a 10 year old girl and 7 year old boy. My custody arrangement is so that I have time to visit him without my daughter but he does not have the same situation. He has been trying for the last month to find someone to watch his kids so he can come down (we could have the private time at my house that we can not get at his) but with no luck. At first I insisted he comes for a visit before I would go back up. But as time goes on and I see how hard he is trying and how frustrated he gets that he can't do this for me I realize that sometimes we have to give. Yes it would be ideal if he would come down so we could have an entire weekend just the two of us but what is more important? Being together often or just a few random times when we can get alone time. I have learned that a LDR means compromise. We don't have the luxury other couples have. If you have to travel to her because she can't come to you then do it. It shouldn't matter who makes the trip it's the time together that counts.

As far as communication that's different. I am 36 and I will tell you that I find time to talk with my SO daily. Even if it's a text, a quick FB post, or a call we communicate often throughout the day. It doesn't matter how busy you get. If she is on FB then she can take a second to message you. Plus she can block others but give you access. I understand your concern. If she wants to make it work she needs to give you something. I don't think you are asking too much. I would talk with her. Good luck. Just remember to make it about your feelings and desires and not about needs and blaming. It will go much better that way.