What to talk about with SO on moving

[MN2MD]

My SO has stated he will move out here to me. As he knows that I can not move out of state without my ex saying its ok or we go back to court. He has 3 kids and I have 2. He had talked about moving out here in a year. He has full custody of his kids and dont see their Mom much at all. Am I wrong to feel like its not fair that he moves his kids just because of me? Also wondering if he does will they resent me for them moving away from what they have known?

[snow]

As a disclaimer I want to say that I have no kids, so I can only give advice on what I observed with my big sister, who has a 12 year old son and got remarried a year ago.

Is it wrong to feel like it's not fair that he moves his kids just because of you? Only if you begged him and he does it against his will.
He will know his kids the best and he will know if it is a good or a bad decision. If you can't move, because of the children's father, then he will have to be the one to move if you ever want to close the distance. Unless your ex-husband decides to let you go, which seems rather unlikely, there will be no other way.

HOWEVER: I would wait! I saw in your other post that you haven't even met his children / he hasn't met yours! Making plans is always good, but you've got to get involved with the most important people in his live and these are his kids.

Again, I can't tell you when the best time is to meet them, but I think it depends on their age.
My sister introduced her new boyfriend (now husband!) to her son about 2-3 months into the relationship. He was 10 at the time and has talked to him via Skype and they played WoW together before they met. Through this they bonded, before even meeting and after they did, everything worked out well!

[MN2MD]

Thanks Snow...
We have been somewhat in each others kids' lives. Him more so in mine than me in his. We have sent things to each other and included the kids as well. His kids know about me and says that he is much happier. He has older kids as mine are in an age that they understand (mine are 11 & 7 his are 17, 14 & 8). I am just wondering if it something we discuss on when we want to do this as I know the other would have to feel comfortable enough to go that step. As I was glad I didnt meet his kids right away, since I hadnt even met him yet.

[Kinderkimber]

I'm in a similar situation. I have a daughter and he has a daughter and a son. Because of his business it is impossible for him to move to me so I'm moving to him. I am going to court to relocate my daughter. The thing you need to do is take the kids into consideration. First how old? Age does matter. My daughter is 8. I divorced her dad when she was a year old so that's all she knows. When I considered moving I put it to her. I told her what I wanted to do. My parents live here and she is extremely close to them so she also will be leaving them. But she surprised me by wanting to move. She likes me SO and loves the idea of having a brother and sister. Plus I explained she would get to come back often to see her dad and my parents. They also plan on Skyping. With everything available today they can still have time together. My point is I would ask the kids if you're worried. They may surprise you and like the idea. Point out the positives of your city and make them feel welcome. Have they visited? If they know what they are moving to that also will help. Just be open and honest. It will be difficult at first but when they see how happy their dad is being with you everything will work out.