Relocation Issues

[Kinderkimber]

Any advice on getting my relocation pushed through the courts. My daughter and I want to move up with my fiancé and his two kids but her dad says no. Unfortunately she is 8 and in my state they will not listen to her until she is 13. She is not a fan of her dad's house because she gets ignored and not treated well. Nothing physical just not a happy home. I have an attorney just wondering if anyone has any advice on how I can win.

Read my addition below before you start defending her dad!! Not every case is the same.

[Hollandia]

Any advice on getting my relocation pushed through the courts. My daughter and I want to move up with my fiancé and his two kids but her dad says no. Unfortunately she is 8 and in my state they will not listen to her until she is 13. She is not a fan of her dad's house because she gets ignored and not treated well. Nothing physical just not a happy home. I have an attorney just wondering if anyone has any advice on how I can win.

You won't like to hear this, but this is one of those no win situations. You are both her parents and both should be able to raise her.

I don't think it is fair to take her away from her dad like that. He has parental rights and being "not treated well" is pretty vague. How exactly is she not treated well? If you think your Ex/her dad is not showing her enough attention then talk to him about it, it is really unfair to try to take his daughter away so that you can go make another home with your new love.

The best you can hope for is joint custody and having her half time for each of you. Unless there is any form of abuse, then both parents should have a right to their child and the child deserves to have both parents. The term neglect is also subjective, so if you have some type of proof of how this "unhappy home" is a trauma to your child then it is one thing, if not, your trying to use stereo typical buzz words like, neglect, un happy home, and being ignored to take a child from their parent. How will you feel if he does the same thing to you?

She's 8 years old and so how do you know what is going on in her dad's home when she is there? How can you know she is being ignored and not treated well and in an unhappy home but yet not abused? Your lawyer is going to have to trash her dad as a parent to get what you want. His lawyer can come back at you and dig up any trash he can find. Custody cases like this get ugly fast, I hope the two of you can come to a compromise that does not involve dragging each other through the mud, because that is really bad for the child.

[Moon]

You win by making sure your daughter has BOTH her parents to raise her. You don't get to take her away from her father just because you found some new guy, that's not fair and will have far reaching consequences. You had a child, it's not all about you anymore.

[80anthea]

I agree with Moon and Hollandia. She needs both parents in her lives and there is a reason why the courts don't listen to her until she is 13. How far away are you trying to move? Your daughter's well-being should come first in all of this and dragging everything through the courts is going to be an awful experience for her, is there no way you can come to an amicable agreement in an adult way?

[Kinderkimber]

You all are miss understanding me. I'm not "taking her from him." Yes she will be in another state but he will still see her. My attorney says usually the way it works is he gets most of the summer and most holidays. So I'm not cutting him out of her life but providing a better one. Right now she is extremely behind in school. By moving I will have the financial ability to stay home with her and help her with her education. I am a licensed teacher and plan on putting her through the online school so I can give her the one-on-one attention she needs. Also my city is not kid friendly. Our middle schools have metal detectors and shootings. My fiancé's area is so much better and family oriented. Plus here she is an only child. When we move she will have a brother and sister her own age to play with. Yes she will loose some time with her dad. But the gain far out reaches the lose in my eyes. Not every situation is cut and dry. Not every case is the same. If you knew the mental abuse her dad puts us and everyone else through you would not be fighting for him. I have old teachers of my daughters glad that she switched schools just so they would not have to deal with him anymore. Yes I believe a dad should be in a child's life. But not if that relationship is toxic. And since she is only 8 the courts won't listen to her. And since it is mental not physical I have no proof. Not to mention he has past cases where the courts have stepped in between him and his kids for their best interest. So don't blindly defend him when you don't know!!!!

[Kinderkimber]

Read below. You don't know the whole store and really should not blanket your response like that.

[Kinderkimber]

Read my response below before you defend him!!

[Kinderkimber]

Read my response below.

[TwoThree]

No need to post three times asking us to read below (there's nothing below)

Also how do you want people not to defend the father when you give them very vague details about why your should move your child? You never mentioned mental abuse in your first post.

[lucybelle]

If the dad is so horrible that you want to take her away because of mental abuse and an unstable lifestyle, why are you still okay with her staying with him all summer and during breaks? I feel like you need to get your story straight. Either he's a bad father who shouldn't be around the child at all, or he's a good father that you don't get along with.

[Hollandia]

If there is actual abuse, then prove it in court and no problem. She's only 8 so she should never have to testify in court and or be asked to choose which parent she wants to live with. You are taking him from her and he is fighting it or you would have no court. If you would not be taking him to court if not for your move to your LDR then it is wrong. No, it's not cut and dry but your being a teacher has nothing to do with it. Your city not kid friendly but yet you were living there before. Sorry, all I hear is excuses to do what you want and that is removing her dad from her life because of a distance due to your LDR. Her being an only child has nothing to do with it either. None are these reasons make it okay for you to take her from her other parent. What kind of mental abuse does her dad put her through, enough to have his parental visitation removed, because if not, it's just another rationalization for you to get what you want, he's either a danger to her or not, not just okay, part of the time. Cut and dried no, but without clear abuse, it is shut and closed. You want to relocate her because of the LDR and you feel you are a better parent and so he is to be content with the time he gets after you move her away.

Again, if you can prove abuse, then you should win. I can't say what he did or did not do, but I have had friends do this their kids and both claimed some type of mental anguish on the other parents and the whole un-happy home and even more, as I said, these things tend get ugly fast. I have not heard his side of the story so, without that and without proof of abuse, he deserves not to have his child taken from him.

Here are your main reason why you should "win".
!. Only child better with new step siblings.....well, that's just wrong and rude, plenty of children are happy and well adjusted as only children and they would be in her life regardless of where she lives.

2. Your a teacher and can provide the attention she needs............that's also pretty offensive. I was not a teacher but both me and my daughter's dad were perfectly able to provide the attention and caring our daughter needed. Your being a teacher does not make you a better parent. I can handle through 12th homework with my kid just as well as any of her teachers.

3. Your city is not kid friendly................are they any other kids living in this city that you have now deemed non kid friendly? This actually comes off to me, as the place we move to will be more affluent and so the parent with the most money should be the one to get the kid.

4. You have teachers that did not like her dad and are happy to not to have to deal with him....this is possibly because they are bias against him and total hearsay.

5. He's mentally abusive, verbally abusive and ignores her. ...............8 years old or not, a shrink could evaluate to see if the child had been abused and present their findings to the court, any attorney should have suggested that you if you told them the child had been abused. So, please if you truly believe there is abuse, get her some help.

6. He's still going to see her sometimes...............wait...........didn't you just say he was abusive to her? That it is not kid friendly where he lives? Then this makes no sense. If he is abusive you could request supervised visits, where you each drive to a state facility and he is allowed to spend time with her in front of a court representative.

Bottom line is, he is either a danger to your child and should never be allowed to be with her un-supervised or he should not have his child removed from him because you choose to fall in love with an LDR. You had her with him and you lived in that city with her and you managed with her as an only child and he still had her in his city....the only thing that is changed is you want to move. He might not be the best dad, but he is her dad and unless he does not deserve to have un-supervised visitation with her, then the rest is just points of argument to "win" your "relocation" of his child.

And also, her dad could meet someone with children too, could want to move to a better city too, and most likely has people that he can say are happy not to be around you anymore, we all have people that we don't get along with. My daughter's teachers, hated me, because I fought for my her against them when I did not like how she was treated. I have also been through mental and psychical abuse so if you daughter is, then you need to take away her un-supervised visitation with him immediately. Call Family services and file a complaint, they will investigate and this is what they do for a living so usually they can tell you if there has been abuse and to what extent.

[Kinderkimber]

Like I said I have no choice. Without proof there is nothing a court will do. And anyone that has been through this know they like physical proof. If I had my way she would never see him again but it's not up to me. I've taken her to psychiatrists and they are inconclusive. Besides I was asking for advice on the case not a debate in if it's right.

[Hollandia]

Like I said I have no choice. Without proof there is nothing a court will do. And anyone that has been through this know they like physical proof. If I had my way she would never see him again but it's not up to me. I've taken her to psychiatrists and they are inconclusive. Besides I was asking for advice on the case not a debate in if it's right.

I have been through something similar with my first husband's GF and my daughter when she was 5. Did you file a complaint with the state for this abuse? Did you call the cops? What instances of exact abuse are you speaking about? These are pretty serious things to claim about someone. He could go to jail for much of it, physical or not. If they are inconclusive then most likely it is not really abuse, it is just what you feel is acceptable parenting versus him. Raising your voice is not abuse, terrorizing someone is and if a child has been terrorized then you need to find a better shrink to prove it. Children that are abused tend to flinch when someone raises there voice or makes sudden movements. I am going to say again that if there is abuse then she should be in therapy. The most important thing would be to prove this abuse and remove him from all un-supervised visitation. If you go into court and accuse him of abuse without it, it could be slanderous.

Your advice was pretty clear. Don't do it. All your other reasons are bogus. If he has an attorney this is most likely what you are going to be hearing in court.

[Kinderkimber]

Hollandia u r just one sided and a very negative person. U refuse to see other peoples points and just insist in putting them down. I do not choose to read your posts anymore. Please stop replying.

[Kinderkimber]

Hollandia I was asking for advice on a case not a moral debate. If that's what I wanted that's how I would have labeled the post. I do not like or welcome ur negativity. Please stop posting!!!!