CD with a young child

[tlc_1381]

Hello! Im new to this forum and wanted to get some perspectives about possibly CD with my SO.

I have a young child and have been thinking more about a possible move but Im worried about my daughter adjusting. Is it fair to pick up and move my daughter away from all her family just to get my chance at happiness? I love my SO in a way that I never thought possible and want to be with him in the next year (when hes done with grad school).

He does not have children, but refuses to move back to my area due to the pain that exists here for hIm AND he wants a more scenic life. I struggle because i feel he is being unfair.

So should i continue with the LDR and think about moving or end it now? Thoughts???

[R&R]

There's a lot more to it to just if you want to move. How old is your daughter? Is her father in the picture? If so, what is the current visitation schedule?

[tlc_1381]

Hello! My daughter will be 5 in January and he gets her every other weekend. Because we were not married when we had her, and he never filed for visitation he legally has no rights. We have a wonderful co-parenting relationship and get along great.

I want my SO in our lives but am afraid of never being able to be together. However I feel it is unfair for me to uproot my daughter and have major guilt thinking about that possibility. My SO and I have a year before we really have to start talking about this but wanted some perspectives.

[R&R]

My daughters were 12 and 13 when I relocated from East Coast to West Coast. I did so with their blessing. They stayed on the East Coast for school with their dad and then came to me for vacation and all of summer. They were old enough to have a say so. After 14 months I couldn't handle being away from them every day and moved back to the East Coast.

With your daughters age, even if her father doesn't currently have any legal rights, if he doesn't want her relocated, he can still go to the courts. If it's something you are seriously considering, I would have a discussion with him first. How far is the distance you are looking to move? If he decides to go for custody and most likely primary custody, courts generally (not always) tend to go with keeping the child around their family, school, etc as opposed to completely moving them away from all that they know. However, you may be able to work out an agreeable solution with her father and you would want to have that documented.

Your SO must also realize that this is a package deal and that he will have to make some sacrifices. It may be a compromise of moving somewhere in the middle as long as you both can find good jobs and be able to meet bills, etc.

[differentcountries]

If your daughter is only 4 it should be ok to uproot her. The problematic time to uproot is the older children who have lots of memories and friends they had for years. If you consider moving to him, work out a scedule for when your child can see her father and the rest of her family. I don't know how far a distance you plan to move, though, are we talking across the river or to another country or somewhere in between?

[R&R]

If your daughter is only 4 it should be ok to uproot her. The problematic time to uproot is the older children who have lots of memories and friends they had for years. If you consider moving to him, work out a scedule for when your child can see her father and the rest of her family. I don't know how far a distance you plan to move, though, are we talking across the river or to another country or somewhere in between?

If she's in the United States, it's a bit more difficult than just uprooting and moving her should the father decided to fight it and the end up having to go to mediation or court. Been there, done that.

[differentcountries]

If she's in the United States, it's a bit more difficult than just uprooting and moving her should the father decided to fight it and the end up having to go to mediation or court. Been there, done that.

You had an unregistered father for your whild that suddenly wanted official rights?

[R&R]

If he decided he wanted actual legal rights, he can go to court. If his name's not on the birth certificate, he can request a DNA sample to prove paternity. I'm not saying he's going to do it, I'm just saying she needs to be prepared for anything. It sounds like they have a good relationship but if she wants to move his daughter away and he doesn't want her to go, he can seek out his legal rights.

My girls dad is my ex-husband and we had joint legal and physical before I moved. When I moved, we kept joint legal but he had primary physical since they chose to stay.

[dizzyupthemeg]

If his name is on the birth certificate or if paternity was established in some form, he has rights. They don't have to be married in order for the father to have rights.

I don't have children but I worked in child support and paternity for the past 7 years. If this man decides he doesn't want his child moving away, you can expect some nasty court battles.

[lucybelle]

The OP says she gets along very well with the father. I don't think she'd move away without working something out with him first. But I agree with R&R that if she tried to then there could be legal consequences. Especially if the father pays child support.

I don't think the issue is so much the moving to a new place with your daughter, but the moving away from her father. I think having a kid means that you put their needs first. Your daughter needs to grow up with her biological father whom I'm sure she loves dearly. Unfortunately, I think your love life comes second to that.

[TaraMarie]

The original question is is it fair to the child. In my opinion, children adjust very well. I moved when mine were 2,5 and 14. They have all done well and my older daughter said it was the best thing that ever happened to her!

[whatruckus]

Since she's young, I don't think it'd be much of a problem on her part, she's barely in school. But, the issue is with your ex/her bio dad. While you two may have a great relationship, it doesn't necessarily mean he'd be okay with you taking her. How far are you planning on moving? I don't think I saw it.

[Petals]

The others have made great points. Assuming your child's father is ok with you moving with his daughter:

How long have you been with this guy? How do you feel about the quality of the relationship?

Is marriage part of your future? Are you a team or does he tend to be more self-focused?

What kind of relationship does he have with your daughter?

I ask these questions because you don't want to uproot your daughter for a relationship that has foundational issues and having to move again in a very short time.