LDR w kids

[Daks]

My fiancee and I have been together for 2 years February. He lives in Australia w two kids 7 & 13 has good relationship but primary care with mother. I live in Canada with a 6 & 10 year old. Right now we are struggling we are getting married in April and he's worried about coming over here and leaving his kids. For the time being we have said he will do 6 months here and I will try and manage 6-8 weeks during my kids summer. We know that we are meant to be but trying to figure out how to make everyone happy is exhausting. I have already gone away to school for 5 months and won't be moving there anytime soon. Eventually we hope to do a year on and off but that's in the hopes that my ex will allow some sort of switch in our schedule. So here's my question I love my boys so much they are my life but after meeting my fiance he has changed my life for the better. Without him I wouldn't be the same person I am today which is happy minus the distance obviously. Any one have an u suggestions on schedules? Bear in mind currently spending between 10-15k a year on flights. I feel like a horrible mother but same time if I'm not happy how good am as a mother. Any help would be great thanks

[R&R]

I've done the move to get married and my children stayed with their father. They were 13 and 14 and I had their full blessing. I moved from NH to CA, so it was 3,000 miles and a 3 hour time difference. After 14 months, I moved back and divorced. My ex-husband is an amazing man. But no matter how wonderful him or the relationship, I just couldn't be away from my kids. That's 14 months that I will never get back.

Your kids are younger. Though you may not want to hear it, don't leave them for a relationship. If he is who are you are meant to be with, then it will survive and you both can wait. At 6 & 10, your children aren't where they can fully understand why mommy is leaving - all they will know is that you aren't there when they need you. You aren't there when they have a nightmare. You aren't there for their soccer game. You aren't there for when they get an award at school. You just aren't there.

Even with my kids encouraging me to do what made me happy, both of their grades dropped after I left. When my younger one was being bullied, I wasn't there to handle it and was prepared to fly back. I made it back for my daughters 8th grade graduation but missed the awards ceremony. There are just too many things you are going to miss out on.

Also, if you aren't now, be prepared to pay child support once you are gone. That took a big chunk out of my pay. I also had to pay for all of their flights back and forth. And if things don't work and you come home - trying to go back to your original custody arrangement isn't going to be easy.

[differentcountries]

What kind of care arrangements do you have with the father of your children?

Somebody has to travel and do major money-spending no matter how you guys do it, unless you find a way to put all kids and parents in the same part of the world. I don't quite see how you can hop on and off from Canada to Australia with your kids, or are you planning that the father should take them full time?

[Ahava]

I understood in the OP's situation that the guy was gonna move first to her and leave his kids...

I'm in the same boat only we are in the same continent. We are doing the waiting game as the kids come first until they are grown up.
Mine are the same age as yours, youngest is turning 7 soon and the oldest is 10.

[Unicorn26]

This is a very complicated situation and with the best will in the world, you're never going to be able to keep everyone happy.

What does the father of your kids think? I know for sure I wouldn't be happy not seeing my kids for 6-8 weeks. I expect your SO kids are unhappy about not seeing daddy for 6 months at a time too.

I feel for you very much, I really do. LDR with kids on both sides must be super tough, especially with the distance involved in your relationship. I don't know what the answer is here but please remember this. Your SO may make you happier and a better mum, but being without him won't make you a bad mum. The kids simply have to come first here, they may not be old enough to help you with a solution but their input needs to be taken into account.

Just to let you know, I friend of mine from high school left her 10 year old daughter here in the UK with her dad when she met and married a man from USA and moved over there to be with him. I know she deeply regretted leaving her daughter, their relationship is now non existent and I know that causes her an internal pain that never goes away.