Meeting the kids

[JeanJean]

My SO and I have been together since January. We are in a very loving relationship and do talk about a future together.
He invited me and my kids to spend Thanksgiving with him. I have made plans to go, but I am so nervous. My kids and I will be spending 4 days with him, and it's the first time they'll be meeting each other.

[R&R]

How old are the kids? Have they talked with your SO or Skyped with him?

In my first, serious LDR, my daughters were 5 & 6. He came and stayed with us for a month. He picked them up from school, helped with homework. We did grocery shopping and cooking together. Movie nights. It went very smoothly. Back then there wasn't Skype or anything like that, so they had only ever heard about him and saw pictures.

My current SO met my kids via Skype and I've done the same. My youngest wanted him to make it for her high school graduation and he was there. It was the first time they met in person and it was great.

[JeanJean]

My kids are 13 and 8. My SO refuses to Skype, he's just not comfortable with it.

The kids know about him and have seen pictures.
My oldest is reluctant to meet him, but has started to acknowledge that there is someone in my life. My son will ask me to message my SO for when he needs male advice, but will not contact him directly.

I think this will change once they meet.

[R&R]

It can be tough sometimes for the kids to acknowledge someone else in your life. If it's always just been the three of you or this is your first real relationship since a divorce/breakup from the other parent, it can be touchy. My kids have always been able to accept someone else, and they love my SO, but to this day they would still be happy if me and their dad got back together and we've been divorced 15 years.

How far apart do you and your SO live from each other?

[JeanJean]

It can be tough sometimes for the kids to acknowledge someone else in your life. If it's always just been the three of you or this is your first real relationship since a divorce/breakup from the other parent, it can be touchy. My kids have always been able to accept someone else, and they love my SO, but to this day they would still be happy if me and their dad got back together and we've been divorced 15 years.

How far apart do you and your SO live from each other?

I'm in New York city and he's in Indiana, it's about 900 miles.
I tell myself that I'm crazy for getting involved in a LDR in the first place, but then I just know that what I feel for him I won't find with just anyone else.
Then I feel like a love sick teen. lol.

This is one of the hardest things that I have ever done in my life. Loving someone so much and not being with them sucks.

[R&R]

I'm in New York city and he's in Indiana, it's about 900 miles.
I tell myself that I'm crazy for getting involved in a LDR in the first place, but then I just know that what I feel for him I won't find with just anyone else.
Then I feel like a love sick teen. lol.

This is one of the hardest things that I have ever done in my life. Loving someone so much and not being with them sucks.

My SO doesn't live that far from yours. He's in Indianapolis. You two are actually just under 700 miles apart. My SO and I are just under 1,000 and that's NH to Indy. I've made the drive back and forth twice so far. (I flew the other 3 times but it's soooo much cheaper to drive and it only takes 14 hours or so.) We've been doing this close to two years and should be closing the distance next late summer/fall.

I find that long distance is what you make it. If you are telling yourself, "this is so hard", "it sucks being apart", "I hate him not being here with me", you are going to have a really hard time. Your attitude is going to go a long way in making the relationship work. I'm not saying it's not hard but what you choose to focus on is going to make a big difference.

[Ella85]

My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and both have little girls who are 2 months apart in age so I think that helped a lot (they are both 7). Neither my ex or his are very involved and we meshed really well. We skyped with the kids involved as much as possible and they instantly clicked. I think the 13 year old might find it a little more difficult because of the age, but the 8 year old might be more accepting depending. Both our kids were very accepting, they did argue a little but no more than any sibling would. My little girl cried a lot when we came back as she was very attached to my boyfriend by the time we left and I could see our other little girls face when we dropped her off for school that day and it chocked me up. Just take it as it goes and I hope it goes well for you.

[JeanJean]

I don't drive, never needed to before. But my SO and I both agree that getting my license is a must.

[JeanJean]

My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and both have little girls who are 2 months apart in age so I think that helped a lot (they are both 7). Neither my ex or his are very involved and we meshed really well. We skyped with the kids involved as much as possible and they instantly clicked. I think the 13 year old might find it a little more difficult because of the age, but the 8 year old might be more accepting depending. Both our kids were very accepting, they did argue a little but no more than any sibling would. My little girl cried a lot when we came back as she was very attached to my boyfriend by the time we left and I could see our other little girls face when we dropped her off for school that day and it chocked me up. Just take it as it goes and I hope it goes well for you.

Thank you Ella
It is my 13 year old that is having a hard time with it. He feels like he needs to "take care of me" and doesn't want "another" man in my life.
My little girl is so excited to go and meet my boyfriend. She was so angry with me for visiting in August without her. lol
He doesn't have any children, but he is very protective of the kids in his family and he includes my kids in that.

I am more nervous about him meeting the kids then I was when I first met him, but I am sure that it will work out.

[Ella85]

It might take time, but they will get used to him. These things can't be rushed. I am very lucky that I have such a good relationship with my boyfriends little girl. She started to call me mommie this trip and it was VERY hard to get back on that flight and go home. But I have to do things the right way for our future. Your boy will come around when he sees that your boyfriend treats you well.

[JeanJean]

It might take time, but they will get used to him. These things can't be rushed. I am very lucky that I have such a good relationship with my boyfriends little girl. She started to call me mommie this trip and it was VERY hard to get back on that flight and go home. But I have to do things the right way for our future. Your boy will come around when he sees that your boyfriend treats you well.

I am so happy for you and your boyfriend. Things seem to be going so well.
I agree that things need time. I am not intending to rush this or push for them to get along. By the time of the visit my boyfriend and I will have been together for over 10 months. I didn't even mention him to the kids until we were together for 5 months.
The only reason that I even agreed to this trip is that my boyfriend expressed that he does want this to be long term, and even if it takes a few years he is willing to wait for me.
I am in college and it will take about 2 years for me to complete my degree, I do not want to relocate until then.

[R&R]

I agree with Ella85. It is going to take time for your oldest. The first meet being short is good for the initial introduction. The two of them will work together as to how they will interact.

I didn't even think about you not having a license. I live in a more rural area, so you pretty much have to have one. I'm sure in a big city like NYC it isn't necessary as you have all the public transportation. Learning to drive is always a good skill to have even if you don't have a car of your own. I bet you'll love it once you learn!

[JeanJean]

I agree with Ella85. It is going to take time for your oldest. The first meet being short is good for the initial introduction. The two of them will work together as to how they will interact.

I didn't even think about you not having a license. I live in a more rural area, so you pretty much have to have one. I'm sure in a big city like NYC it isn't necessary as you have all the public transportation. Learning to drive is always a good skill to have even if you don't have a car of your own. I bet you'll love it once you learn!

I am sure that I will, especially since I am pretty much at his mercy (j/K) when I visit and can't go anywhere on my own.
But it will save me the $150 car ride from the airport, when he can't take time off work to pick me up...Actually as you mentioned I could drive all the way in 12 hours.