Im afraid his children will hate me

[HisWiddleHunBun]

My boyfriend has an 2 kids. An 7 years and 11 years old. They havent met me yet. We were planning to meet for christmas but i cant afford the ticket. Well..im afraid because their mother is a dictator and abusive verbally, when they meet me, they will already hate me because of her.

How do i deal with this?

[Ella85]

Unfortunately you can only take it as it is. Just be nice to them and respectful to their mother and ignore any negative comments. You can't do anything about what she has said unfortunately. You can just prove their mother's words wrong with your actions.

[sasad]

Be yourself. That's the best advice I can give you. My stepchildren were taught to call me the whore... One was 4 the other was 7. She was a mean person, and that's why we ended up with custody...
Do NOT ever bad mouth the mother, no matter how evil she is. Don't try to be the mom to the kids. You need to be an adult friend first.
It's hard. I cried, was hurt, couldn't stand it for a long time. But children are smart. They will see the difference over time, and my 19year old stepson still introduces me as mom.
Don't push yourself with your SO either. Try not to be crazy with PDA. It's a lot for the kids. They are hurting and have loyalty to both parents.
It will come naturally after a while. I'm not sure who has custody and what visitation is like, but more time may make it better.

[differentcountries]

Don't speak ill over their mother. Even she speaks ill of you, talk about her good qualities, even the worst person has some. Apart from that, just be kind to them. Time will take care of the rest.

[R&R]

Have you "met" them via Skype yet? Do they know about you at all? If not, maybe that's a good place to start. Your SO can start off by introducing you as a friend and get them used to that idea first.

Remember, this will be as new to them as it is to you. It's going to be a learning process for everyone involved. As the others have said, don't bad-mouth the mom, no matter how horrible she is. Kids are smart and they pay attention to words and actions. Just show them love and affection and treat them kindly. (That does not mean let them walk all over you though.) Right now you will only see each other for visits and that's a good place to start with them - a little at a time.