So I have two boys with an ex husband. I've been involved with my SO for three years now on and off. He has seen my youngest grow up on webcam and pictures. We have spent time together in person but in his state. He hasn't been to my state yet. He's planning a trip here to see me and meet my kids. My worry is my kids will get attached to him while he's here and then my SO has to go home. I know what it's like to miss him constantly and wish he was here. Obviously it would be a different bond but do I put my kids through that? Especially knowing my SO will have to go back and my kids asking, "Where is he?" "When do we get to see him again?" He has to talked to my oldest on the phone and webcam before. They don't look at him as dad because they have one, but they already enjoy any chance they can talk to him on the phone. And ask when they get to see him. Any advice?
-
-
It's all going to be how you present it to your kids. In my first LDR, my daughters were 5&6. They met him when they were 7&8. They had talked to him on webcam and were aware he was just coming for a visit. They were fine with that and understood. They weren't looking at any more than just the visit and the fun we had. When he left, they talked on webcam again. I thnk as long as you state he's just coming for a visit, they would be fine.To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.
Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.
-
How old are your kids? I think that makes a difference in what they are able to understand. I have short visits with my nieces and nephews and, as much fun as those are (and yes, it is a different kind of relationship too which makes a difference), they know that at the end of the week I have to go back. When they were little they would get upset sometimes as I was leaving, but within a reasonable talking age like 3-4, they were able to understand that Auntie is leaving now but that she'll be back again soon. I imagine it may be similar with your kids? It's okay to be attached as long as they know he is only here for a week and that he'll be back again soon.Comment
-
Like R&R says....it's how you present it. My son and so met over Skype. Then a couple visits. They are now great friends. I never ever pushed him down his throat, nor did I make it seem like he was a new replacement dad.
He was a friend of moms that came over to visit and play. Let them move at their speed.Comment
-
I think you just need to be honest about it and explain to your kids in an age-appropriate way.
I think you should tell your children beforehand and inform them.
There is also the option that you don't let your kids know about your relationship with you and your boo until you guys are about the close the distance. That way your kids don't have to deal with the stress of seeing your partner appear and reappear.Comment
-
ACK! I'm not being rude, but waiting until you are ready to close the distance may not be the best idea.. Not sure how old your kids are either, and that could change things.
Boys are different with moms.. they tend to want to be the man of the house. That's been proven. So, throwing a guy in and all the sudden having a guy there all the time, can freak out a child.. My SO started visiting a year ago. My son was a little standoffish, but now ask when he is coming back, or ask when we can go visit him in Florida. He also initiates Skype calls and texts my SO when he has a question about "boy stuff"
I was a stepmom as well, so I know how it was on that side, Its stressful being around kids that you aren't used too. Finding that place where you belong takes one on one time with the kids.
I say visit. Visit as much as everyone is comfortable with. Let a friendship grow and develop naturally. It will be better and less stressful all around. Your kids my grow to love your SO, but not the same way you do.
Comment
-
You know, I think that is a good idea. Visiting as much as possible would normalize and make the transition as smooth as possible.Comment
Comment