So I just realized…

[erwin1973]

Hi everyone.

Just I had to tell this.

My lady has a daughter - we refer to her as 'our daughter' since we have a good bond between the 3 of us. I also do have a son whom I haven't seen for over 2 months now.

Anyway, this morning I was chatting with Eve and all out of a sudden she said our girl woke up and she wanted to chat with me. So we chatted for 30 minutes or so. Later, in the afternoon, Eve and I were chatting again, when she said: "[name daughter] wants to chat with you". So in total, I had a great chat again, and that makes me happy. Good to have bonding with both of them and that we know each other before we meet in real life.

Then reality struck me... Today I have talked with my daughter more than with my son in the past to months (whom I only see on cam).

Anyway, I am happy with how things go abroad and I only hope that I will be seeing my son soon again... For now, I have to do with my ladies, I suppose.

No, I'm fine.

[Redheart14]

Hoping things get better for you.

[erwin1973]

Hoping things get better for you.

Give some, take some, I guess. That is how life goes.
What I really wanted to say is that I am super happy with the bonding with my girls. I just told about my son to put it in the right context. Yes, it hurts, but I think that is how some women treat their ex-husband. I'm very happy with what goes well and that makes what goes bad more easy to bear.
Thank you.

[C.C.]

Hopefully you get to connect with your son as well. It's sad despite everything. I am glad it's working out well with Eve and her daughter, tho~

Also if I may ask, your ex-wife was an ldr as well right? So she doesn't live in Netherlands and lives in her home country?

[erwin1973]

My son and his mother live in the same city as I do. My son is Dutch, and his mother has a Dutch passport as well. It's true that she was my first LDR, from Ukraine. You've got a good memory.

[C.C.]

My son and his mother live in the same city as I do. My son is Dutch, and his mother has a Dutch passport as well. It's true that she was my first LDR, from Ukraine. You've got a good memory.

Oh I got confused, I thought you said that you see your son on cam in the above post. And thank you

[erwin1973]

Oh I got confused, I thought you said that you see your son on cam in the above post. And thank you

Yes, I said that. Because I am not allowed to see my son irl because his mother refuses me to see him. We live only 4 miles apart.

[C.C.]

I am not allowed to see my son irl because his mother refuses me to see him.

Is she allowed to do that legally?

[erwin1973]

No. But when she does and persists in that, even after I went to court, there is nothing I can do.

[Caro1]

No. But when she does and persists in that, even after I went to court, there is nothing I can do.

I don't know the Dutch laws, but there should definitely be something you should be able to do.
I know from experience from friends/family that in Germany and in the USA, not letting the father see his child although he has the right to, puts the mother in a very bad place, if you were wanting to take sole-custody of your son. (The reason for that is because she is not acting in the best interest of the child, the best interest of the child should be to have both parents involved in its life)

There is also penalties that the court can put upon the mother. Starting with fines, to supervised pick ups of the child, to actually taking custody from her.

If you share custody, there is also nothing she can do to stop you from showing up at school events, parent teacher conferences, doctor's visits (although you probably wouldn't know when Doctor's visits are, but you have a right to get information from the school itself).

If you have certain weekends or whatever assigned to you by court, don't stop showing up at your son's door to pick him up, even if his mother never answeres the door. Document the whole thing, and see what you can do with that.

[erwin1973]

Yes, I have full custody, too. And I do not intend to give that up.
Sadly the laws here are in full favor of the mother and leaves the father out in the cold. Even if the judge rules how many times I can see my son, if his mother is not going to stick to that, there is just nothing I can do.
There are no penalties for that, sadly. All I can do is accuse her of bad mothership. The thing is - I don't know if you have read that topic of mine - that's how it started. I know she hits and humiliates him, so I went to Child Protection. Because I am the only one who could know what happened, they told me I had to tell his mother, and since then (July 27) I have not seen him any more, except scarse Skype calls.

I can't show up at her door. She'll hit me. She has hit me before, she'll do it again, no doubt. Even though it is my own house she lives in. Yes, she was and is quite good at emotional blackmailing and I found that out after two years after we devorced. So I am guarded, but I am (sorry to say it about myself) a too trusting and nice person to not go with what she wants, always regretting it later. So now I stand put, but it's a bit late. Some things are - honestly - self inflicted. If I would have been more firm earlier, things might have gone different. I'm afraid of her (she's bi-polar and has a terrible dark side).

So far...

On the bright side, my daughter gave me a mini concert today on her lyre - she plays in a band - while I was camming with my lady. Was great. I guess life is pretty much in balance, although the extremes are quite far apart...

I just keep on fighting for my rights, and that is all I can do at the moment. And yes, I document everything.

Thank you for your support.

[autumn1790]

Wear a body cam and when she hits you call the police....unless she's like a pro wrestler, a couple blows can't be that bad, can they?

[erwin1973]

I'll think about it.

[Moon]

Erwin, I'm sorry for being harsh, but when your son is grown and is questioning why you abandoned him (and he will see it that way), are you going to tell him you were afraid his mother would hit you? I'm afraid that's not going to cut it with him. You need to do better by him, a little boy needs his father. Don't be a push-over, figure it out before the years have slipped by and it's too late. Autumn's idea of a body cam was a really good point.

[erwin1973]

Thanks. No, you're not harsh. You're straight to the point and sometimes I need that.